From Chinese translations by Hinako.
Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 三雲定持Mikumo Sadamochi; 野州Yashuu; 六角氏Rokkaku
PS: do not distribute this without my permission
The second winter since Naoe's 'death' approached...
The battles of Yami Sengoku grew more intense by the day, Ougi Takaya was the same as two years ago, spending his days dashing all over the place to exorcise onshou. Once there was a disturbance, he would immediately rush to the scene and employ his powers of exorcism to settle it. He had continued with this sort of life all along.
After the events of Itsukushima, there had not been many changes to his body.
Ougi Takaya was the same as the day he woke up at Hiroshima.
He staunchly believed that Kotarou, the leader of the Fuuma ningun, was 'Naoe Nobutsuna'. This circumstance did not end. Takaya believed Fuuma Kotarou to be Naoe Nobutsuna, never doubting his identity as 'Naoe' and seemed to treat Naoe like how he used to.
There was no sorrow and no feeling of loss either. Naoe's 'death' was not recorded in Takaya's history. To Takaya, 'Naoe's' current existence was real. This was his reality.
--When I awaken, you would definitely be by my side...
Thereafter, Chiaki and the rest had verified the way Takaya remembered the succeeding events at Itsukushima. At the end of their examination, it seemed as though he had treated the entire incident at Itsukushima as a 'dream'.
However Takaya acknowledged the events surrounding the 'Yamato', the 'manju' and 'kanju', as well as the fight with Nobunaga as 'reality'. Using words like 'Perhaps' to describe the incidents in a somewhat strange manner, they could not find a suitable explanation for Takaya's understanding of other matters despite his eccentricity.
At certain parts, Takaya's replies were extremely bizarre.
The obvious ones were his answers to questions about the incidents that took place at Hagi city.
--I met Naoe at Hagi city.
Takaya had answered in this way. Chiaki and the others had continued to interrogate about Naoe's situation after that, Takaya had reminisced for a while, then revealed an incomprehensible smiling expression and answered in this way.
--I don't know...
--You don't remember?
Questioned in this way, Takaya had laughed awkwardly.
--...Naoe has always been with me.
Takaya replied in this way, as if nothing had happened. Yet he knew that he had worked together with Chiaki and Kotarou at the Suigun Castle. He also acknowledged that, at that time, Naoe had not been with him.
As for Ujiyasu, when queried on when Ujiyasu had begun to follow him, Takaya had repeated the answer, "I don't know". In this way, everything related to Naoe's death had been warped, Takaya had slanted his head whenever he replied, without any seriousness, as though he was suffering from dementia. He was incapable of placing the events that had taken place in correct order.
The scene where Naoe had been shot had completely disappeared from his memories.
Apart from this, he also had a few 'dreams'. He had mentioned that in a 'dream', he met his father Ujiyasu, who had taken the form of a dragon, at a coastal area. But according to Kotarou's statement, that was an actual occurrence, it was after Naoe had died at Hagi city, when Kotarou had taken Takaya to the Susa district.
In short, it caused one to become frustrated, Takaya was completely unclear with matters regarding those particular events. Although he knew the overall picture, Takaya would give the wrong reply or vaguely avoid the question when asked about the finer details or anything that was unfavorable to him. Even when Chiaki and the rest had persistently pointed out details that were contradictory and continued with further questions, Takaya would only reiterate his ambiguous answers.
Takaya had become strange.
"Be more precise!"
Even when admonished in this way, Takaya still would not answer. He did not feel peculiar about his inability to answer at all.
Besides this, everything else was normal.
What was the reason behind his obscure grasp of the chain of events surrounding Naoe's death? Despite being uncertain about the events, Takaya did not seem to be bothered by it, why was that? Was this a result of his fierce conviction?
Takaya was unaware of his own abnormalities. For this reason, Takaya had 'become strange'. Takaya had been together with 'Naoe' throughout the entire time. He had concealed Naoe's death in the chest of dreams, and lived in an artificial reality that he had weaved at will.
***
"How are your injuries?"
After returning to the hotel room, Takaya sat on the sofa by the window and looked outside. It was two o'clock in the morning.
Kotarou had asked him the question. Takaya had been depressed from moments ago. He had not said a single word in the car. Apparently, it was because he had caused injury to the hyouza during the fight.
"..."
Kotarou considered his condition and made some hot coffee for Takaya. Kotarou poured a cupful of coffee and handed it to Takaya.
"Please drink this."
"..."
Takaya finally turned his head towards him. Despite having been silent all this while, once he smelt a whiff of coffee, he seemed more calm, he opened his mouth to reply.
"Thanks..."
"Are your injuries all right?"
"...Nothing too serious. Just a bruise, that's all. I could've gotten this while taking a bath, but it can't be helped."
"It seems like the matter was smoothly concluded."
"..."
Takaya's expression became grim. He still had not fully recovered from the attack. Furthermore, he was responsible for the hyouza's serious wounds, he continued to condemn himself for his blunder. This could hardly be considered a smooth conclusion.
"...the worst time..." Takaya said, biting his lower lip. "It shouldn't be this way. That person ought to have been saved..."
"..."
"I killed him..."
Takaya's fists were on his knees, he was clenching his fists so tightly that his fingernails nearly punctured the flesh. He was extremely unsettled, he gnashed his teeth in anger as he stared out the window like a ferocious hound.
"Why did things turn out this way... This period of time has been strange... Like my hand just slipped all of a sudden, within that split second I couldn't control my incantations. Why is this so? How did this situation come about..."
"..."
"...I was the one... who killed him..."
His fists trembled. Takaya, unable to bear it, fiercely pounded his fist on the table. Kotarou did not seem affected at all, he only watched Takaya with an indifferent expression in his eyes.
"Is it related to your fatigue? For you to lose control of your spells, sometimes it may be caused by your inability to concentrate your spirit."
Takaya's shoulders shook, he looked at Kotarou with a nervous expression.
"That was an unlucky hyouza. His death is something that cannot be undone. It was his misfortune to have been possessed by Narimori."
"Something that cannot be undone? Misfortune?" Takaya looked up indignantly. "This isn't a problem that can be explained with this sort of talk, is it? I killed a person, this very night! With these two hands! A person that should have been saved...! This isn't a question of my slip, at that time my powers...!"
"It was also that person's destiny to become the sacrifice of that conflict. This is not something worthy of your vacillation."
"Destiny...!"
"Correct. Even though we strive for the best, those who will die, will die. It is a disadvantage to blame oneself for their deaths. Reflect over how to redeem oneself and turn it into a tool that would be advantageous to oneself, that is the proper way. It is unreasonable to be restrained by an irretrievable matter, furthermore, it would only incur more harm."
"...!"
Takaya kicked the chair uncontrollably as he stood up.
"What do you mean by advantage! It shouldn't be this way right? Naoe. A person's life or death can't be discussed in that way as if it were money or goods. This talk of disadvantage, do you regard life and death on the same level as a commodity?"
"Even if one were to consider a person's life and death as a commodity, it is not unreasonable to do so. There is no moral code attached to a person's life and death. It is the people who lived in the age of the forgotten wars that saw death as such a serious matter. They are only thinking that, if they did not regard death as a grave subject, they would be unable to fit into society. In this era, this so-called conscience has spread rampantly. Life and death is held in such serious regard only because they have allowed their conscience to control expression of opinion."
"!"
Takaya's anger soared even more.
"What sort of rubbish are you talking about! You don't understand anything at all!"
"You obviously have not given this any thought, you are only wearing an all-knowing appearance. Besides the people that are directly related to you, the death of others are of no interest to you."
"What are you trying to say... That this is hypocrisy?"
Takaya stared at Kotarou, who was expressionless like steel, with the strength of his entire body.
"What kind of joke is this... what kind of joke is this! Don't bullshit me! You don't understand one bit of my frame of mind!"
"Kagetora-sama. Please calm down."
"You don't understand at all! If you understood where I was coming from, you wouldn't say this sort of things!"
After shouting loudly in this way, Takaya's shoulders unexpectedly began to tremble in shock. "Is it because... you understand?"
Kotarou felt slightly confounded and widened his eyes. "...Kagetora... sama...?"
"Is that why you speak in this way? Saying this sort of words, what do you expect from me? Are you so happy to see me in this state? Does talking to me so coldly give you so much pleasure? What are you trying to pull? No matter how I call you, you only turn a blind eye. Does disregarding my existence give you so much joy? Completely detaching yourself from me, alienating yourself from me, ignoring me, does that make you so happy! When did you turn into this sort of person!"
Kotarou fell into a state of stupefaction. Takaya's indignation was further aroused.
"Is this revenge? Vengeance against me...! By deliberately disregarding my feelings, by always keeping away from me! Is this your retaliation for having been bound by me for 400 years! Or...!"
"..."
Takaya amazingly recovered himself. Was that the reason his last sentence was abruptly shortened? Kotarou's face had become pale, he had stiffened entirely.
Takaya had swallowed the final half of that incomplete sentence. He breathed deeply, wanting to calm down.
"...Sorry. I was too loud. What's wrong with me? Don't mind me. I was a little agitated..."
"Kagetora-sama." Kotarou voiced out. "Are you tired? Do not say anymore, it would be better to get some rest."
"...No,...no need, it's okay..."
"You look pale. Do lie down. Fatigue of the body and mind can affect the concentration of your strength, it would be detrimental in a fight. Sleep is absolutely essential. I shall retire immediately. I shall wait for you in the hall tomorrow morning."
"..."
Takaya did not answer. Seeing him in this way, Kotarou gave up on his wait for an answer. He asked to be excused and wanted to leave. Then, at that moment, Takaya suddenly muttered.
"Why..."
Kotarou turned back. Takaya's lowered face appeared as if he was about to cry, startling Kotarou. But he did not cry at all. Takaya was desperately restraining the anxiety in his heart.
"Why? I don't understand..."
Kotarou could not grasp the meaning of Takaya's words. His face grew taut. "Did I do something impolite?"
When he asked in this way, Takaya felt even more remorseful and bit his lip. After a period of silence, Takaya forcefully restored his serene expression as though he wanted to strangle all of his emotions that were swelling within him.
"Kagetora-sama."
For the first time, Kotarou, who was always composed, now revealed an uneasy expression.
"Does your wound hurt? Or..."
Takaya remained silent. Kotarou could not fathom the reason for Takaya's agitation. Even though he understood that Takaya behaved in this way due to his [Kotarou] own words and manner, he could not comprehend what he [Kotarou] had done wrong.
"Kagetora-sama?"
Takaya closed his eyes in grief, he turned his back towards Kotarou. Despite doing this, he nevertheless concentrated all of his senses on Kotarou's every movement.
No matter how long Kotarou waited, Takaya still did not show any signs of movement that he [Kotarou] expected. Kotarou merely stood there dumbly, gazing at Takaya's back.
After a period of silence, Takaya uttered. "Naoe..."
"..."
"Isn't there... something you want to say to me..."
"Something I want to say to you..." Kotarou was puzzled, he wrinkled his brow. Takaya turned around, and repeated the question.
"Isn't there something you want to tell me?"
"Kagetora-sama. I do not understand what you are saying..."
"You do! You have something to say to me! You must say it now! You must do it now! Something that no other person can do apart from you!"
Kotarou's face stiffened as he wavered. He did not understand the meaning of this at all. Kotarou's failure to understand him, even at this point, peaked Takaya's temper.
"..."
Takaya stared at Kotarou, he stood up from the chair once again, grabbed the lapels of his shirt, and with his right hand he pulled open his clothes in one breath.
"...!"
The buttons flew out, his skin from the right shoulder to the chest was exposed. The wounds from the previous battle were miserable to look at. Takaya compelled Kotarou with a low voice.
"You still don't understand?"
Kotarou, having witnessed Takaya's shocking action, only stared at him tongue-tied.
"...Kagetora-sama..."
"--Isn't there something you should to do to me?" Takaya asked with an earnest expression in his eyes, as though he was forcing Kotarou to look at his wounds. "Do you want to abandon me now that I've ended up like this? Without doing anything, you just want to leave like that? It isn't right, is it? It shouldn't be like that right!"
"..."
"You...!"
His words broke off, Takaya could not continue to speak, he only frowned at Kotarou with a look that conveyed everything on his mind.
But regardless of his understanding of the situation, Kotarou did not show any hints of movement.
Takaya unknowingly bit his lip again, he wrapped his arms around his own body. "You... don't have any interest in me anymore?"
"Interest..."
"--There... isn't anything... you want to do to me?"
"...Kagetora-sama..."
"There's nothing... you want to do to this body..."
Kotarou gazed at Takaya. Takaya breathed calmly as he waited. Kotarou could not grasp the meaning of Takaya's words.
Takaya closed his eyes, as if he had given up hope. "... Forget it."
He wore his shirt again. Kotarou was still standing there dumbstruck. Takaya walked past him and opened the closet to obtain a change of clothes. Takaya had already restored a rational appearance.
"You can retire for the night. Tomorrow morning at eight, wait at the dining lounge. Report the results of the investigation and we'll also have a meeting then. Pass the message to Haruie and the others."
"Understood."
Although he felt somewhat uneasy, Kotarou resumed his usual emotionless facade of an iron mask and nodded, he bowed with a courteous 'If you would excuse me' and left the room.
Once the door closed, Takaya drew back his fringe, pressing his fingers against his forehead.
Why...
At present, Takaya could not understand 'Naoe'.
Takaya could not acquire his passion. He had always been naturally able to obtain this object. Now, however he sought for it, he could not find it. No matter how much he anticipated, he could not get it. Takaya was like a hungry and thirsty child, desperately burning for it.
Why...
Was it deliberate? Could this be retaliation?
Because of the continuous suffering he had caused him [Naoe] for 400 years...
Or...
Was Naoe not aware of what Takaya desired? Given that he was aware of it, was he deliberating holding back? But if he knew, there should be some response.
I don't understand you...
Don't understand at all, I feel like I'm about to go insane.
Takaya felt some difficulty in breathing, he closed his eyes.
An intense migraine raided his temples again. Takaya pressed against his forehead. He did not understand the reason behind the recent increase in frequency of this ache. As though it was some kind of warning. The feeling of a certain alarm ringing...
Calm down...
Takaya thought in this way by himself.
Be quiet, please...
In his mind, something flashed past. A red coloration like blood, a physical body dyed in blood, a scene that caused one to feel that it would be extremely dangerous if one were to examine it carefully, flickering within the storm of the ache.
Calm down...
Takaya used both of his hands to press against his head, he crouched down.
"..."
Outside the door, Kotarou was still standing there at the exit, gazing at the room.
A slight, agonized expression appeared on the distinct outline of that face that normally would not bear any emotion.
***
"Got the hyouza hurt? Kagetora?" Hearing this from Chiaki, Ayako could not help but frown with her rhetorical question.
"That's right. That idiot couldn't completely control his powers again. He released an unnecessary amount of incantations that inflicted severe wounds on the hyouza. By the looks of it, that hyouza won't make it."
"But wasn't he cured? Didn't Kagetora say that everything was okay?"
Chiaki gnawed his tongue with a 'Tsk'.
"He wasn't okay at all. Look. As a result of this, he killed someone. So was he waiting until someone was sacrificed before he would acknowledge his strange condition? That stinking brat."
Chiaki said, fiercely stepping on the gas. Ayako had a profound look on her face, her line of sight stayed on the meter board.
It was true. Takaya had lost control of his powers, and this was not the first time.
The signs had begun to show two to three months ago. While fighting with some onryou, Takaya had experienced this several times. Even so, it was not the case of not being able to release incantations. The situation was the exact opposite. Even though it was only for a short moment, Takaya's powers would slip out of his grasp, deviate from Takaya's will and overflow, followed by a loss of control.
Previously, when he had fought with the Mikumo clan near the river, the situation had been the same. It was during the fight on the banks of the Yashuu river when he had used the 'Nen Nami', Takaya had been dueling with an onryou called Mikumo Sadamochi, formerly a retainer of the Rokkaku clan. At that time, he had also lost control of his incantations whilst in battle and nearly destroyed the entire riverbank. Fortunately, Chiaki had hurried there midway to stop him, thus damage was minimal.
Even if his condition was not as conspicuous, this predicament, which caused one to break out in cold sweat, happened frequently. It was like a group of vehicles traveling together that suddenly lost control and skidded all over the place. Detached from his own will, and occurring without any warning, his powers would slip from his control and act without authorization.
Because he did not want the others to be aware of it, Takaya strove to show that nothing was wrong, but he still could not hide it from Chiaki. After realizing his unusual state, Chiaki and Ayako had demanded the stubborn Takaya to undergo recuperation, and had placed him under observation for a period of time. Since there were no signs of it worsening at the moment, in order to stabilize his powers, Chiaki carried out hypnotherapy on him.
"But why is this happening? He's obviously not the sort of person to lose control of his incantations. Seems like it's not related to fatigue."
Ayako could not understand the reason for his condition at all. Chiaki stared ahead through windscreen of the car, he answered in a low voice.
"It's because he's forcing himself to live."
Ayako was startled, she looked at Chiaki. "Forcing..."
"Yeah... Living in that 'loathsome nature of escape'."
Chiaki glared ahead with a frightening expression.
"Not wanting to acknowledge Naoe's death, he allowed himself to go mad. If he wants to believe that brat Kotarou to be Naoe, fine. But he is not Naoe. It's impossible for him to be like Naoe... Even for Kagetora, he can't continue to believe that man to be Naoe when he obviously isn't."
"What do you mean by that?"
"He's pressuring himself."
Chiaki stepped on the brake as he reached the red traffic light, he took the cigarette from his mouth and extinguished it in the ashtray. "If he continues to fool himself in this way, it would soon become a burden to his being. A considerably large burden."
"Burden...?"
"Yeah. Why do you think he can accept Kotarou, who has a different appearance, voice and smell, as Naoe? He has warped the information received by his five senses to suit the shape of his own thoughts. Only Kotarou's information that is. His spirit had already set preferences, it started during that time."
Ayako stared at Chiaki.
"The point is, it's too forceful. It will become a burden for sure."
"So Kagetora has become weakened because of this? He can't control his powers because of this condition?"
"That brat Kotarou probably knew this from the start. He had probably decided to ease Kagetora as much as possible because of the burden he brought upon himself, as a result of his self-hypnosis." Chiaki sighed.
"Are you talking about the way he imitates Naoe?"
"Yeah."
"It's seriously amazing. The manner of his speech, even the way his voice is projected, including his movements and habits... I never expected he would be able to imitate him to that extent. He scared me quite a few times. I thought Naoe was really there..."
"That's probably the so-called 'Art of Simulation'. It's one of the techniques of ninjutsu. He truly deserves to be the leader of the Fuuma."
It was true. Kotarou had shocked Chiaki and Ayako the other day. After Takaya had called him by the name of 'Naoe', Kotarou had begun to act the part of Naoe. From the tone of his speech to his movements, he had adjusted his being to conform with the mannerisms of Naoe, which had startled Chiaki and Ayako.
"He's probably doing this to lighten Kagetora's burden. Although this honestly isn't like that brat to show solicitude or benevolence. But if Kotarou didn't do this, that brat Kagetora would definitely be in more pain than now."
"That's true. But... how long can he continue to deceive him?"
"Exactly, because the other is Kagetora."
Furthermore, they had walked together for 400 years. The man who was inseparable from him, Kagetora knew Naoe better than anybody else.
Kagetora was more sensitive to Naoe than any other person. More than anyone else in this world, Kagetora was the one individual who was most perceptive of the differences between Naoe and other people, he could instinctively tell the difference.
For this reason, it was exceedingly difficult to deceive Kagetora.
It goes without saying that he should have seen through it from the start.
"If not for his own self-hypnosis."
"He deliberately made himself slow-witted."
"Even if he felt something was different, we can't say for sure that he did forcefully constrain his emotions... It must be painful though. He's definitely coercing himself somewhere."
Without a doubt, his yearning for Naoe would cause him harm. He was more knowledgeable of Naoe than anybody else, that was the largest hindrance to the artificial reality he was living in.
But it was Kagetora's attachment to Naoe that brought about this condition, that caused him to do this sort of thing...
"But this isn't the only reason for Kagetora's weakening spirit."
"What do you mean?"
"Half of it is the neurosis." Chiaki said painfully, turning the steering wheel to the right.
"However the outside appearance changes, the personality won't change. See, just like when we possess, our appearances and voices change, but what's inside doesn't. Naoe is Naoe, it's not his appearance or voice that makes him who he is. Every word, every sentence that comes out of his mouth, his every action and movement makes this person 'Naoe'... Seeing and hearing all that, we then recognize this person to be 'Naoe'. Correct? If people who haven't been in contact for that long can distinguish one another, what more for us who have known him for so long. Much more than the external appearance, we're aware of each other's deeper personalities. It's because of this that we feel 'Naoe' to be 'Naoe'."
"Then Kagetora..." Ayako said with a vague voice.
Chiaki tapped his forefinger on the steering wheel and uttered.
"He's strangling himself. Kagetora has felt confused all this while. Believing that Naoe has stopped behaving like Naoe because he has ceased to be faithful or is mocking him. He's always thinking of this superfluous matter. In the end, he has become filled with mistrust of Naoe."
"..."
"This is definitely his punishment for being unwilling to accept Naoe's death."
Takaya was wounded.
Because he believed a person who was not Naoe to be Naoe, in this way he was hurt when he should not have been. He had caused himself pain because of the false individual.
The more he was sincere to Naoe, the deeper the injury he sustained.
This was an ironic affair.
Was this the price for escaping?
It could be said that he had brought this upon himself. As for Kotarou, he would probably consider this as a troublesome matter, much like an unexpected calamity.
But...
If he accepted Naoe's death, what would happen to Takaya then?
"His weakening spirit would also encourage the decline of his powers. If he continues in this way, there'll come a time when he won't be able to recover."
Takaya, of course, would not understand the reasons for his abnormality. He believed Kotarou was 'Naoe' -- wanting to believe that he was Naoe so much that he was not aware of it, thus it was not surprising.
What Takaya was doing was actually impossible. To see someone who was not Naoe as Naoe, he was imposing too great a strain on himself. However, he still did it. Pouring his strength into something unreal to bring it to fruition, this had become his burden. Wanting to keep things in accordance with his own feelings, an abnormality arose. Then, in the process of attempting to rule out any peculiarity with his situation, he grew more confused as he tried to reason, sinking into a swamp. Takaya could not see that, in this way, he was compelling himself into a hopeless situation. Furthermore, even if Takaya was aware of it, he would not stop.
What was it that drove him to this?
The answer... there was only one.
"Because he doesn't want to accept Naoe's death." Chiaki said bitterly. "To accept that Kotarou isn't Naoe, to Kagetora, it's the equivalent of acknowledging Naoe's death."
That is, to accept reality.
To Takaya, this would be a kind of surrender. The absence of Naoe's existence in this world... No matter what, Takaya was unwilling to accept it.
This matter... Takaya would not acknowledge.
No, Takaya could not accept it, thus he evaded it.
From a world without Naoe,
he ran to this dangerous place.
"...I understand..." Ayako muttered. "...By doing this, Kagetora can continue to live. Otherwise, he would've died early on..."
"... Yeah."
"But then Naoe is really too pitiful. He's already dead, he's no longer in this world, yet Kagetora thinks he's still alive. So what did Naoe mean to him? To Kagetora, was Naoe just something that could be replaced to cover up the past? I can't help but think in this way. Can't help but think this way! Kagetora isn't being honest at all!... But!"
"..."
"I don't understand already..." Ayako sounded like she was about to cry. "But if he accepted Naoe's death, what would become of Kagetora? He went mad at Hagi. If Hojo Ujiyasu hadn't save him at that time what would've become of him? Just thinking about it sends shivers down my back. Kagetora managed to live until now because he refused to acknowledge Naoe's death. If that's the case, if he really accepted Naoe's death, Kagetora would definitely die. He would definitely go mad and die!"
It was possible that Kotarou began to employ the 'Art of Simulation' because he was aware of this. He had witnessed Takaya's madness with his own eyes at Hagi. For this very reason, although Kotarou knew that there was a risk of the soul weakening, he still used the 'Art of Simulation' to accommodate with Takaya's imaginary perception.
"...So do we allow him continue to indulge in this? Just let him continue to believe Kotarou to be 'Naoe', watch 'Naoe' grow increasingly strange? So it doesn't matter even if he can't control his powers?"
"I don't know! I don't know what's the best thing to do either!" Ayako yelled, causing Chiaki to become silent. Chiaki lowered his head, he breathed deeply to allow his mood to calm down.
"... You should stay focused, Haruie."
"... Me?"
"That's right. To me, whatever comes, comes. But we need Kagetora. In order for the Uesugi to settle all those onryou, we need Kagetora's strength, right? We can't let him go mad and die, right?"
"That's correct... But...!"
"That's the way for us outsiders. At the end of the day, this is a problem between Kagetora and Naoe. No matter what we say, Kagetora has turned out like this only because Naoe died."
Chiaki sighed heavily, he once again stepped on the accelerator.
"... But he can't continue to force himself indefinitely. This sort of escape will fail. The day when he has to accept Naoe's death is approaching soon. The day when he would have to accept reality..."
The day when he would have to accept reality.
The hour when he can no longer continue to escape.
All escape would be futile.
Even if this caused Takaya to go mad and die...
"Nagahide."
Chiaki glanced at Ayako, who called out in a lonely manner, and patted her head with his left hand.
"Oi, don't show me that sort of dreadful face. I will mend the head of that brat Kagetora back to normal. My hypnotherapy is more effective than any sort of orthodox medicine. If all else fails, I'll just brainwash that idiot."
"...You're honestly such a foolhardy brat, really."
Ayako wiped away her tears. Chiaki boosted his spirit once again.
"Anyway, we can stabilize his spirit with hypnotherapy, just let him continue to deceive himself for now. We've to first solve the problem at hand. We'll rest for the night, we probably have to go to the scene tomorrow."
After Chiaki finished, he stepped on the accelerator, driving out to the broad, empty street.
***
Kotarou had left Takaya's room and went to the car park, there he took notice of a person's figure standing by his car. The figure wore military clothes, he was a well-built young man. He was immediately aware of Kotarou's presence.
"Shuryou."
The young man addressed Kotarou in this way. Waiting for Kotarou was one of the Fuuma ningun, a man by the name of Shichirou.
"...Oh, it is you. Looks like I kept you waiting for long."
"My apologies for disturbing you at such an hour. The situation has been taken care of, Shichirou has come to report the results."
"It must have been exhausting." Kotarou nodded without expression. "How is the hyouza? The hyouza previously possessed by Nagano."
"The hyouza is dead."
Kotarou, slightly startled, widened his eyes.
"His carotid artery was severed, he died from massive amounts of blood loss."
"... Really." Kotarou closed his mouth, saying nothing further. Shichirou looked at Kotarou's face with a strange expression. Kotarou took notice of him.
"What is the matter?"
"Has something happened? Shuryou."
Shichirou asked in a hushed voice, causing Kotarou to feel puzzled.
"Why do you ask?"
"No. I have always felt that Shuryou's appearance is somewhat..."
From a third party's point of view, the iron mask that rarely changes, Kotarou's usual appearance of having no expression, had undergone a slight alteration. Apparently, his subordinate had noticed it. Kotarou appeared to be distressed over something in his heart. Never before had that inorganic expression of his, like ice-cold metal, bore any kind of 'color'.
But it seemed as though Kotarou was not self-aware of this. Kotarou revealed an even more unusual expression. Shichirou trembled as he observed his countenance, he opened his mouth to ask.
"...Did something happen?"
He asked once again. Kotarou restored his usual expression.
"Nothing. What is the matter?"
Apparently, Shichirou looked apprehensive. Seeing his appearance of having more to say, Kotarou folded his arms and nodded.
"You look like you have something to say?"
"No, just that..."
"Say it. Do not be hesitant."
"Shuryou..." Shichirou worded courteously. "Is it Saburou-sama's matter?"
Kotarou turned his eyes towards Shichirou.
"...Are you upset because of Saburou-sama's matter?"
"It is only natural to be worried for one's lord."
"No. I did not mean it this way."
Hearing this, it seemed like Kotarou was finally aware of Shichirou's meaning. He was evidently displeased that his mind-set had been guessed by his subordinate. Kotarou's gaze turned cold as he stared at Shichirou. Shichirou was startled and closed his mouth.
"Ujiyasu-kou has ordered us to be Saburou-sama's aides. As long as it is a command from Saburou-sama, we must obey it. It is only natural that the task ought to be accomplished in the fastest and most perfect manner. ...If you have so much time to make unnecessary conjectures, then you should have completed the investigation earlier."
"... Understood!"
Shichirou no longer touched the subject. "The following is the report."
He resumed a business-like intonation and began to report the details of the investigation.
From that day onwards, Kotarou began to collaborate with Kagetora as ordered by Ujiyasu.
Naoe's death had modified the situation. Because Kagetora had self-hypnotized himself into thinking that Kotarou was 'Naoe', he had to continue with this identity of 'Naoe' in order to preserve Kagetora's spiritual composure.
Upon knowing of this situation, Ujiyasu had given Kotarou a new order, that is, 'It would suffice to just devote yourself whole-heartedly to Saburou Kagetora now'. Thus, on the surface, the Fuuma clan that Kotarou led appeared to be retainers of the Uesugi and were only devoted to the Uesugi.
But they were not vassals of Kenshin. Even though they worked with Kagetora, in reality, they still obeyed and acted as accordingly to Ujiyasu's commands.
Uesugi Kagekatsu...
The face of Narita Yuzuru flashed in Kotarou's mind.
One who possessed the inherent quality of the Miroku Bodhisattva. It would not be an exaggeration to say that his astonishing power was capable of altering the crucial trends of Yami Sengoku.
Ujiyasu had decided to eliminate Narita Yuzuru before Kenshin could make use of him. Thus he wanted Kagetora return to the Hojo clan, and thereafter conduct a decisive battle with Kenshin.
For this reason, Kagetora's predicament of believing Kotarou to be 'Naoe', turned out to be a timely advantage to them. Kotarou would not suffer Kagetora's strong dislike and could be his trusted aide without any complications, thereby becoming a member of the Uesugi. The primary objective of allying himself with Kagetora had already been accomplished. Considering the situation at hand, now seemed to be a fairly promising time to carry out their task in persuading Kagetora to return to the Hojo clan.
Another objective was to investigate the direction of Kenshin's Yami Sengoku.
But Kenshin still had not personally contacted Kagetora.
Has he has decided to keep his activities a secret from Saburou-dono? Kenshin...
It appeared that way.
Not too long ago, the Uesugi's white-robed ladies were involved in certain suspicious activities. Their investigation had indicated that the white-robed ladies were not under the orders of Kagetora, they had carried out their operation for an unknown person. Kagetora had not noticed it. It seemed like Kenshin had conveyed his own ideas to the white-robed ladies without informing Kagetora and the others. It was quite obvious that he had decided to establish a new system of command.
Kenshin has decided to abandon Saburou-dono.
Kotarou had allowed the detached army of the Fuuma clan to investigate Kenshin's covert operations, and had come to this conclusion.
He probably has the intention of making use of Kagekatsu to build a new Uesugi army.
When Kagetora and the rest were completely unaware of it.
Ujiyasu regarded Kenshin's participation in Yami Sengoku as a sign that he was making battle plans.
You have been abandoned. Saburou-dono.
Kotarou said to him in his heart. All this while, Ujiyasu had never severed ties with him. There would come a day when he would have wanted Saburou Kagetora to return to the Hojo clan, allow him to reunite with his ancestors, and together resist the Oda and Kenshin.
Dealing with Kenshin required careful, meticulous planning, thus they had not executed any rash operations. But,
You must return to the Hojo clan as soon as possible.
--I trust Kenshin-kou! Kenshin-kou does not have such wild ambitions! Father's [Ujiyasu] words are wrong!
Despite saying this, Kagetora was not aware that he had allowed a servant of Ujiyasu to stay by his side.
--I will not return to the Hojo.
One day, your identity as Hojo Saburou shall be restored...
Kotarou lifted his gaze upwards to frown at the deep abyss of darkness as he listened to his subordinate's report.
Then, Takaya's heartfelt call suddenly echoed in his ears.
Kotarou looked at the building of the hotel.
The lights of Takaya's room were still on.
Seemed like he was not asleep yet.
--Isn't there something you must say now! Naoe!
The emotion in his [Takaya] eyes could not be erased from his vision. His voice could not leave his ears either.
What was Kotarou thinking of?
He calmly narrowed his eyes.
Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.
Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 三雲定持Mikumo Sadamochi; 野州Yashuu; 六角氏Rokkaku
PS: do not distribute this without my permission
The second winter since Naoe's 'death' approached...
The battles of Yami Sengoku grew more intense by the day, Ougi Takaya was the same as two years ago, spending his days dashing all over the place to exorcise onshou. Once there was a disturbance, he would immediately rush to the scene and employ his powers of exorcism to settle it. He had continued with this sort of life all along.
After the events of Itsukushima, there had not been many changes to his body.
Ougi Takaya was the same as the day he woke up at Hiroshima.
He staunchly believed that Kotarou, the leader of the Fuuma ningun, was 'Naoe Nobutsuna'. This circumstance did not end. Takaya believed Fuuma Kotarou to be Naoe Nobutsuna, never doubting his identity as 'Naoe' and seemed to treat Naoe like how he used to.
There was no sorrow and no feeling of loss either. Naoe's 'death' was not recorded in Takaya's history. To Takaya, 'Naoe's' current existence was real. This was his reality.
--When I awaken, you would definitely be by my side...
Thereafter, Chiaki and the rest had verified the way Takaya remembered the succeeding events at Itsukushima. At the end of their examination, it seemed as though he had treated the entire incident at Itsukushima as a 'dream'.
However Takaya acknowledged the events surrounding the 'Yamato', the 'manju' and 'kanju', as well as the fight with Nobunaga as 'reality'. Using words like 'Perhaps' to describe the incidents in a somewhat strange manner, they could not find a suitable explanation for Takaya's understanding of other matters despite his eccentricity.
At certain parts, Takaya's replies were extremely bizarre.
The obvious ones were his answers to questions about the incidents that took place at Hagi city.
--I met Naoe at Hagi city.
Takaya had answered in this way. Chiaki and the others had continued to interrogate about Naoe's situation after that, Takaya had reminisced for a while, then revealed an incomprehensible smiling expression and answered in this way.
--I don't know...
--You don't remember?
Questioned in this way, Takaya had laughed awkwardly.
--...Naoe has always been with me.
Takaya replied in this way, as if nothing had happened. Yet he knew that he had worked together with Chiaki and Kotarou at the Suigun Castle. He also acknowledged that, at that time, Naoe had not been with him.
As for Ujiyasu, when queried on when Ujiyasu had begun to follow him, Takaya had repeated the answer, "I don't know". In this way, everything related to Naoe's death had been warped, Takaya had slanted his head whenever he replied, without any seriousness, as though he was suffering from dementia. He was incapable of placing the events that had taken place in correct order.
The scene where Naoe had been shot had completely disappeared from his memories.
Apart from this, he also had a few 'dreams'. He had mentioned that in a 'dream', he met his father Ujiyasu, who had taken the form of a dragon, at a coastal area. But according to Kotarou's statement, that was an actual occurrence, it was after Naoe had died at Hagi city, when Kotarou had taken Takaya to the Susa district.
In short, it caused one to become frustrated, Takaya was completely unclear with matters regarding those particular events. Although he knew the overall picture, Takaya would give the wrong reply or vaguely avoid the question when asked about the finer details or anything that was unfavorable to him. Even when Chiaki and the rest had persistently pointed out details that were contradictory and continued with further questions, Takaya would only reiterate his ambiguous answers.
Takaya had become strange.
"Be more precise!"
Even when admonished in this way, Takaya still would not answer. He did not feel peculiar about his inability to answer at all.
Besides this, everything else was normal.
What was the reason behind his obscure grasp of the chain of events surrounding Naoe's death? Despite being uncertain about the events, Takaya did not seem to be bothered by it, why was that? Was this a result of his fierce conviction?
Takaya was unaware of his own abnormalities. For this reason, Takaya had 'become strange'. Takaya had been together with 'Naoe' throughout the entire time. He had concealed Naoe's death in the chest of dreams, and lived in an artificial reality that he had weaved at will.
***
"How are your injuries?"
After returning to the hotel room, Takaya sat on the sofa by the window and looked outside. It was two o'clock in the morning.
Kotarou had asked him the question. Takaya had been depressed from moments ago. He had not said a single word in the car. Apparently, it was because he had caused injury to the hyouza during the fight.
"..."
Kotarou considered his condition and made some hot coffee for Takaya. Kotarou poured a cupful of coffee and handed it to Takaya.
"Please drink this."
"..."
Takaya finally turned his head towards him. Despite having been silent all this while, once he smelt a whiff of coffee, he seemed more calm, he opened his mouth to reply.
"Thanks..."
"Are your injuries all right?"
"...Nothing too serious. Just a bruise, that's all. I could've gotten this while taking a bath, but it can't be helped."
"It seems like the matter was smoothly concluded."
"..."
Takaya's expression became grim. He still had not fully recovered from the attack. Furthermore, he was responsible for the hyouza's serious wounds, he continued to condemn himself for his blunder. This could hardly be considered a smooth conclusion.
"...the worst time..." Takaya said, biting his lower lip. "It shouldn't be this way. That person ought to have been saved..."
"..."
"I killed him..."
Takaya's fists were on his knees, he was clenching his fists so tightly that his fingernails nearly punctured the flesh. He was extremely unsettled, he gnashed his teeth in anger as he stared out the window like a ferocious hound.
"Why did things turn out this way... This period of time has been strange... Like my hand just slipped all of a sudden, within that split second I couldn't control my incantations. Why is this so? How did this situation come about..."
"..."
"...I was the one... who killed him..."
His fists trembled. Takaya, unable to bear it, fiercely pounded his fist on the table. Kotarou did not seem affected at all, he only watched Takaya with an indifferent expression in his eyes.
"Is it related to your fatigue? For you to lose control of your spells, sometimes it may be caused by your inability to concentrate your spirit."
Takaya's shoulders shook, he looked at Kotarou with a nervous expression.
"That was an unlucky hyouza. His death is something that cannot be undone. It was his misfortune to have been possessed by Narimori."
"Something that cannot be undone? Misfortune?" Takaya looked up indignantly. "This isn't a problem that can be explained with this sort of talk, is it? I killed a person, this very night! With these two hands! A person that should have been saved...! This isn't a question of my slip, at that time my powers...!"
"It was also that person's destiny to become the sacrifice of that conflict. This is not something worthy of your vacillation."
"Destiny...!"
"Correct. Even though we strive for the best, those who will die, will die. It is a disadvantage to blame oneself for their deaths. Reflect over how to redeem oneself and turn it into a tool that would be advantageous to oneself, that is the proper way. It is unreasonable to be restrained by an irretrievable matter, furthermore, it would only incur more harm."
"...!"
Takaya kicked the chair uncontrollably as he stood up.
"What do you mean by advantage! It shouldn't be this way right? Naoe. A person's life or death can't be discussed in that way as if it were money or goods. This talk of disadvantage, do you regard life and death on the same level as a commodity?"
"Even if one were to consider a person's life and death as a commodity, it is not unreasonable to do so. There is no moral code attached to a person's life and death. It is the people who lived in the age of the forgotten wars that saw death as such a serious matter. They are only thinking that, if they did not regard death as a grave subject, they would be unable to fit into society. In this era, this so-called conscience has spread rampantly. Life and death is held in such serious regard only because they have allowed their conscience to control expression of opinion."
"!"
Takaya's anger soared even more.
"What sort of rubbish are you talking about! You don't understand anything at all!"
"You obviously have not given this any thought, you are only wearing an all-knowing appearance. Besides the people that are directly related to you, the death of others are of no interest to you."
"What are you trying to say... That this is hypocrisy?"
Takaya stared at Kotarou, who was expressionless like steel, with the strength of his entire body.
"What kind of joke is this... what kind of joke is this! Don't bullshit me! You don't understand one bit of my frame of mind!"
"Kagetora-sama. Please calm down."
"You don't understand at all! If you understood where I was coming from, you wouldn't say this sort of things!"
After shouting loudly in this way, Takaya's shoulders unexpectedly began to tremble in shock. "Is it because... you understand?"
Kotarou felt slightly confounded and widened his eyes. "...Kagetora... sama...?"
"Is that why you speak in this way? Saying this sort of words, what do you expect from me? Are you so happy to see me in this state? Does talking to me so coldly give you so much pleasure? What are you trying to pull? No matter how I call you, you only turn a blind eye. Does disregarding my existence give you so much joy? Completely detaching yourself from me, alienating yourself from me, ignoring me, does that make you so happy! When did you turn into this sort of person!"
Kotarou fell into a state of stupefaction. Takaya's indignation was further aroused.
"Is this revenge? Vengeance against me...! By deliberately disregarding my feelings, by always keeping away from me! Is this your retaliation for having been bound by me for 400 years! Or...!"
"..."
Takaya amazingly recovered himself. Was that the reason his last sentence was abruptly shortened? Kotarou's face had become pale, he had stiffened entirely.
Takaya had swallowed the final half of that incomplete sentence. He breathed deeply, wanting to calm down.
"...Sorry. I was too loud. What's wrong with me? Don't mind me. I was a little agitated..."
"Kagetora-sama." Kotarou voiced out. "Are you tired? Do not say anymore, it would be better to get some rest."
"...No,...no need, it's okay..."
"You look pale. Do lie down. Fatigue of the body and mind can affect the concentration of your strength, it would be detrimental in a fight. Sleep is absolutely essential. I shall retire immediately. I shall wait for you in the hall tomorrow morning."
"..."
Takaya did not answer. Seeing him in this way, Kotarou gave up on his wait for an answer. He asked to be excused and wanted to leave. Then, at that moment, Takaya suddenly muttered.
"Why..."
Kotarou turned back. Takaya's lowered face appeared as if he was about to cry, startling Kotarou. But he did not cry at all. Takaya was desperately restraining the anxiety in his heart.
"Why? I don't understand..."
Kotarou could not grasp the meaning of Takaya's words. His face grew taut. "Did I do something impolite?"
When he asked in this way, Takaya felt even more remorseful and bit his lip. After a period of silence, Takaya forcefully restored his serene expression as though he wanted to strangle all of his emotions that were swelling within him.
"Kagetora-sama."
For the first time, Kotarou, who was always composed, now revealed an uneasy expression.
"Does your wound hurt? Or..."
Takaya remained silent. Kotarou could not fathom the reason for Takaya's agitation. Even though he understood that Takaya behaved in this way due to his [Kotarou] own words and manner, he could not comprehend what he [Kotarou] had done wrong.
"Kagetora-sama?"
Takaya closed his eyes in grief, he turned his back towards Kotarou. Despite doing this, he nevertheless concentrated all of his senses on Kotarou's every movement.
No matter how long Kotarou waited, Takaya still did not show any signs of movement that he [Kotarou] expected. Kotarou merely stood there dumbly, gazing at Takaya's back.
After a period of silence, Takaya uttered. "Naoe..."
"..."
"Isn't there... something you want to say to me..."
"Something I want to say to you..." Kotarou was puzzled, he wrinkled his brow. Takaya turned around, and repeated the question.
"Isn't there something you want to tell me?"
"Kagetora-sama. I do not understand what you are saying..."
"You do! You have something to say to me! You must say it now! You must do it now! Something that no other person can do apart from you!"
Kotarou's face stiffened as he wavered. He did not understand the meaning of this at all. Kotarou's failure to understand him, even at this point, peaked Takaya's temper.
"..."
Takaya stared at Kotarou, he stood up from the chair once again, grabbed the lapels of his shirt, and with his right hand he pulled open his clothes in one breath.
"...!"
The buttons flew out, his skin from the right shoulder to the chest was exposed. The wounds from the previous battle were miserable to look at. Takaya compelled Kotarou with a low voice.
"You still don't understand?"
Kotarou, having witnessed Takaya's shocking action, only stared at him tongue-tied.
"...Kagetora-sama..."
"--Isn't there something you should to do to me?" Takaya asked with an earnest expression in his eyes, as though he was forcing Kotarou to look at his wounds. "Do you want to abandon me now that I've ended up like this? Without doing anything, you just want to leave like that? It isn't right, is it? It shouldn't be like that right!"
"..."
"You...!"
His words broke off, Takaya could not continue to speak, he only frowned at Kotarou with a look that conveyed everything on his mind.
But regardless of his understanding of the situation, Kotarou did not show any hints of movement.
Takaya unknowingly bit his lip again, he wrapped his arms around his own body. "You... don't have any interest in me anymore?"
"Interest..."
"--There... isn't anything... you want to do to me?"
"...Kagetora-sama..."
"There's nothing... you want to do to this body..."
Kotarou gazed at Takaya. Takaya breathed calmly as he waited. Kotarou could not grasp the meaning of Takaya's words.
Takaya closed his eyes, as if he had given up hope. "... Forget it."
He wore his shirt again. Kotarou was still standing there dumbstruck. Takaya walked past him and opened the closet to obtain a change of clothes. Takaya had already restored a rational appearance.
"You can retire for the night. Tomorrow morning at eight, wait at the dining lounge. Report the results of the investigation and we'll also have a meeting then. Pass the message to Haruie and the others."
"Understood."
Although he felt somewhat uneasy, Kotarou resumed his usual emotionless facade of an iron mask and nodded, he bowed with a courteous 'If you would excuse me' and left the room.
Once the door closed, Takaya drew back his fringe, pressing his fingers against his forehead.
Why...
At present, Takaya could not understand 'Naoe'.
Takaya could not acquire his passion. He had always been naturally able to obtain this object. Now, however he sought for it, he could not find it. No matter how much he anticipated, he could not get it. Takaya was like a hungry and thirsty child, desperately burning for it.
Why...
Was it deliberate? Could this be retaliation?
Because of the continuous suffering he had caused him [Naoe] for 400 years...
Or...
Was Naoe not aware of what Takaya desired? Given that he was aware of it, was he deliberating holding back? But if he knew, there should be some response.
I don't understand you...
Don't understand at all, I feel like I'm about to go insane.
Takaya felt some difficulty in breathing, he closed his eyes.
An intense migraine raided his temples again. Takaya pressed against his forehead. He did not understand the reason behind the recent increase in frequency of this ache. As though it was some kind of warning. The feeling of a certain alarm ringing...
Calm down...
Takaya thought in this way by himself.
Be quiet, please...
In his mind, something flashed past. A red coloration like blood, a physical body dyed in blood, a scene that caused one to feel that it would be extremely dangerous if one were to examine it carefully, flickering within the storm of the ache.
Calm down...
Takaya used both of his hands to press against his head, he crouched down.
"..."
Outside the door, Kotarou was still standing there at the exit, gazing at the room.
A slight, agonized expression appeared on the distinct outline of that face that normally would not bear any emotion.
***
"Got the hyouza hurt? Kagetora?" Hearing this from Chiaki, Ayako could not help but frown with her rhetorical question.
"That's right. That idiot couldn't completely control his powers again. He released an unnecessary amount of incantations that inflicted severe wounds on the hyouza. By the looks of it, that hyouza won't make it."
"But wasn't he cured? Didn't Kagetora say that everything was okay?"
Chiaki gnawed his tongue with a 'Tsk'.
"He wasn't okay at all. Look. As a result of this, he killed someone. So was he waiting until someone was sacrificed before he would acknowledge his strange condition? That stinking brat."
Chiaki said, fiercely stepping on the gas. Ayako had a profound look on her face, her line of sight stayed on the meter board.
It was true. Takaya had lost control of his powers, and this was not the first time.
The signs had begun to show two to three months ago. While fighting with some onryou, Takaya had experienced this several times. Even so, it was not the case of not being able to release incantations. The situation was the exact opposite. Even though it was only for a short moment, Takaya's powers would slip out of his grasp, deviate from Takaya's will and overflow, followed by a loss of control.
Previously, when he had fought with the Mikumo clan near the river, the situation had been the same. It was during the fight on the banks of the Yashuu river when he had used the 'Nen Nami', Takaya had been dueling with an onryou called Mikumo Sadamochi, formerly a retainer of the Rokkaku clan. At that time, he had also lost control of his incantations whilst in battle and nearly destroyed the entire riverbank. Fortunately, Chiaki had hurried there midway to stop him, thus damage was minimal.
Even if his condition was not as conspicuous, this predicament, which caused one to break out in cold sweat, happened frequently. It was like a group of vehicles traveling together that suddenly lost control and skidded all over the place. Detached from his own will, and occurring without any warning, his powers would slip from his control and act without authorization.
Because he did not want the others to be aware of it, Takaya strove to show that nothing was wrong, but he still could not hide it from Chiaki. After realizing his unusual state, Chiaki and Ayako had demanded the stubborn Takaya to undergo recuperation, and had placed him under observation for a period of time. Since there were no signs of it worsening at the moment, in order to stabilize his powers, Chiaki carried out hypnotherapy on him.
"But why is this happening? He's obviously not the sort of person to lose control of his incantations. Seems like it's not related to fatigue."
Ayako could not understand the reason for his condition at all. Chiaki stared ahead through windscreen of the car, he answered in a low voice.
"It's because he's forcing himself to live."
Ayako was startled, she looked at Chiaki. "Forcing..."
"Yeah... Living in that 'loathsome nature of escape'."
Chiaki glared ahead with a frightening expression.
"Not wanting to acknowledge Naoe's death, he allowed himself to go mad. If he wants to believe that brat Kotarou to be Naoe, fine. But he is not Naoe. It's impossible for him to be like Naoe... Even for Kagetora, he can't continue to believe that man to be Naoe when he obviously isn't."
"What do you mean by that?"
"He's pressuring himself."
Chiaki stepped on the brake as he reached the red traffic light, he took the cigarette from his mouth and extinguished it in the ashtray. "If he continues to fool himself in this way, it would soon become a burden to his being. A considerably large burden."
"Burden...?"
"Yeah. Why do you think he can accept Kotarou, who has a different appearance, voice and smell, as Naoe? He has warped the information received by his five senses to suit the shape of his own thoughts. Only Kotarou's information that is. His spirit had already set preferences, it started during that time."
Ayako stared at Chiaki.
"The point is, it's too forceful. It will become a burden for sure."
"So Kagetora has become weakened because of this? He can't control his powers because of this condition?"
"That brat Kotarou probably knew this from the start. He had probably decided to ease Kagetora as much as possible because of the burden he brought upon himself, as a result of his self-hypnosis." Chiaki sighed.
"Are you talking about the way he imitates Naoe?"
"Yeah."
"It's seriously amazing. The manner of his speech, even the way his voice is projected, including his movements and habits... I never expected he would be able to imitate him to that extent. He scared me quite a few times. I thought Naoe was really there..."
"That's probably the so-called 'Art of Simulation'. It's one of the techniques of ninjutsu. He truly deserves to be the leader of the Fuuma."
It was true. Kotarou had shocked Chiaki and Ayako the other day. After Takaya had called him by the name of 'Naoe', Kotarou had begun to act the part of Naoe. From the tone of his speech to his movements, he had adjusted his being to conform with the mannerisms of Naoe, which had startled Chiaki and Ayako.
"He's probably doing this to lighten Kagetora's burden. Although this honestly isn't like that brat to show solicitude or benevolence. But if Kotarou didn't do this, that brat Kagetora would definitely be in more pain than now."
"That's true. But... how long can he continue to deceive him?"
"Exactly, because the other is Kagetora."
Furthermore, they had walked together for 400 years. The man who was inseparable from him, Kagetora knew Naoe better than anybody else.
Kagetora was more sensitive to Naoe than any other person. More than anyone else in this world, Kagetora was the one individual who was most perceptive of the differences between Naoe and other people, he could instinctively tell the difference.
For this reason, it was exceedingly difficult to deceive Kagetora.
It goes without saying that he should have seen through it from the start.
"If not for his own self-hypnosis."
"He deliberately made himself slow-witted."
"Even if he felt something was different, we can't say for sure that he did forcefully constrain his emotions... It must be painful though. He's definitely coercing himself somewhere."
Without a doubt, his yearning for Naoe would cause him harm. He was more knowledgeable of Naoe than anybody else, that was the largest hindrance to the artificial reality he was living in.
But it was Kagetora's attachment to Naoe that brought about this condition, that caused him to do this sort of thing...
"But this isn't the only reason for Kagetora's weakening spirit."
"What do you mean?"
"Half of it is the neurosis." Chiaki said painfully, turning the steering wheel to the right.
"However the outside appearance changes, the personality won't change. See, just like when we possess, our appearances and voices change, but what's inside doesn't. Naoe is Naoe, it's not his appearance or voice that makes him who he is. Every word, every sentence that comes out of his mouth, his every action and movement makes this person 'Naoe'... Seeing and hearing all that, we then recognize this person to be 'Naoe'. Correct? If people who haven't been in contact for that long can distinguish one another, what more for us who have known him for so long. Much more than the external appearance, we're aware of each other's deeper personalities. It's because of this that we feel 'Naoe' to be 'Naoe'."
"Then Kagetora..." Ayako said with a vague voice.
Chiaki tapped his forefinger on the steering wheel and uttered.
"He's strangling himself. Kagetora has felt confused all this while. Believing that Naoe has stopped behaving like Naoe because he has ceased to be faithful or is mocking him. He's always thinking of this superfluous matter. In the end, he has become filled with mistrust of Naoe."
"..."
"This is definitely his punishment for being unwilling to accept Naoe's death."
Takaya was wounded.
Because he believed a person who was not Naoe to be Naoe, in this way he was hurt when he should not have been. He had caused himself pain because of the false individual.
The more he was sincere to Naoe, the deeper the injury he sustained.
This was an ironic affair.
Was this the price for escaping?
It could be said that he had brought this upon himself. As for Kotarou, he would probably consider this as a troublesome matter, much like an unexpected calamity.
But...
If he accepted Naoe's death, what would happen to Takaya then?
"His weakening spirit would also encourage the decline of his powers. If he continues in this way, there'll come a time when he won't be able to recover."
Takaya, of course, would not understand the reasons for his abnormality. He believed Kotarou was 'Naoe' -- wanting to believe that he was Naoe so much that he was not aware of it, thus it was not surprising.
What Takaya was doing was actually impossible. To see someone who was not Naoe as Naoe, he was imposing too great a strain on himself. However, he still did it. Pouring his strength into something unreal to bring it to fruition, this had become his burden. Wanting to keep things in accordance with his own feelings, an abnormality arose. Then, in the process of attempting to rule out any peculiarity with his situation, he grew more confused as he tried to reason, sinking into a swamp. Takaya could not see that, in this way, he was compelling himself into a hopeless situation. Furthermore, even if Takaya was aware of it, he would not stop.
What was it that drove him to this?
The answer... there was only one.
"Because he doesn't want to accept Naoe's death." Chiaki said bitterly. "To accept that Kotarou isn't Naoe, to Kagetora, it's the equivalent of acknowledging Naoe's death."
That is, to accept reality.
To Takaya, this would be a kind of surrender. The absence of Naoe's existence in this world... No matter what, Takaya was unwilling to accept it.
This matter... Takaya would not acknowledge.
No, Takaya could not accept it, thus he evaded it.
From a world without Naoe,
he ran to this dangerous place.
"...I understand..." Ayako muttered. "...By doing this, Kagetora can continue to live. Otherwise, he would've died early on..."
"... Yeah."
"But then Naoe is really too pitiful. He's already dead, he's no longer in this world, yet Kagetora thinks he's still alive. So what did Naoe mean to him? To Kagetora, was Naoe just something that could be replaced to cover up the past? I can't help but think in this way. Can't help but think this way! Kagetora isn't being honest at all!... But!"
"..."
"I don't understand already..." Ayako sounded like she was about to cry. "But if he accepted Naoe's death, what would become of Kagetora? He went mad at Hagi. If Hojo Ujiyasu hadn't save him at that time what would've become of him? Just thinking about it sends shivers down my back. Kagetora managed to live until now because he refused to acknowledge Naoe's death. If that's the case, if he really accepted Naoe's death, Kagetora would definitely die. He would definitely go mad and die!"
It was possible that Kotarou began to employ the 'Art of Simulation' because he was aware of this. He had witnessed Takaya's madness with his own eyes at Hagi. For this very reason, although Kotarou knew that there was a risk of the soul weakening, he still used the 'Art of Simulation' to accommodate with Takaya's imaginary perception.
"...So do we allow him continue to indulge in this? Just let him continue to believe Kotarou to be 'Naoe', watch 'Naoe' grow increasingly strange? So it doesn't matter even if he can't control his powers?"
"I don't know! I don't know what's the best thing to do either!" Ayako yelled, causing Chiaki to become silent. Chiaki lowered his head, he breathed deeply to allow his mood to calm down.
"... You should stay focused, Haruie."
"... Me?"
"That's right. To me, whatever comes, comes. But we need Kagetora. In order for the Uesugi to settle all those onryou, we need Kagetora's strength, right? We can't let him go mad and die, right?"
"That's correct... But...!"
"That's the way for us outsiders. At the end of the day, this is a problem between Kagetora and Naoe. No matter what we say, Kagetora has turned out like this only because Naoe died."
Chiaki sighed heavily, he once again stepped on the accelerator.
"... But he can't continue to force himself indefinitely. This sort of escape will fail. The day when he has to accept Naoe's death is approaching soon. The day when he would have to accept reality..."
The day when he would have to accept reality.
The hour when he can no longer continue to escape.
All escape would be futile.
Even if this caused Takaya to go mad and die...
"Nagahide."
Chiaki glanced at Ayako, who called out in a lonely manner, and patted her head with his left hand.
"Oi, don't show me that sort of dreadful face. I will mend the head of that brat Kagetora back to normal. My hypnotherapy is more effective than any sort of orthodox medicine. If all else fails, I'll just brainwash that idiot."
"...You're honestly such a foolhardy brat, really."
Ayako wiped away her tears. Chiaki boosted his spirit once again.
"Anyway, we can stabilize his spirit with hypnotherapy, just let him continue to deceive himself for now. We've to first solve the problem at hand. We'll rest for the night, we probably have to go to the scene tomorrow."
After Chiaki finished, he stepped on the accelerator, driving out to the broad, empty street.
***
Kotarou had left Takaya's room and went to the car park, there he took notice of a person's figure standing by his car. The figure wore military clothes, he was a well-built young man. He was immediately aware of Kotarou's presence.
"Shuryou."
The young man addressed Kotarou in this way. Waiting for Kotarou was one of the Fuuma ningun, a man by the name of Shichirou.
"...Oh, it is you. Looks like I kept you waiting for long."
"My apologies for disturbing you at such an hour. The situation has been taken care of, Shichirou has come to report the results."
"It must have been exhausting." Kotarou nodded without expression. "How is the hyouza? The hyouza previously possessed by Nagano."
"The hyouza is dead."
Kotarou, slightly startled, widened his eyes.
"His carotid artery was severed, he died from massive amounts of blood loss."
"... Really." Kotarou closed his mouth, saying nothing further. Shichirou looked at Kotarou's face with a strange expression. Kotarou took notice of him.
"What is the matter?"
"Has something happened? Shuryou."
Shichirou asked in a hushed voice, causing Kotarou to feel puzzled.
"Why do you ask?"
"No. I have always felt that Shuryou's appearance is somewhat..."
From a third party's point of view, the iron mask that rarely changes, Kotarou's usual appearance of having no expression, had undergone a slight alteration. Apparently, his subordinate had noticed it. Kotarou appeared to be distressed over something in his heart. Never before had that inorganic expression of his, like ice-cold metal, bore any kind of 'color'.
But it seemed as though Kotarou was not self-aware of this. Kotarou revealed an even more unusual expression. Shichirou trembled as he observed his countenance, he opened his mouth to ask.
"...Did something happen?"
He asked once again. Kotarou restored his usual expression.
"Nothing. What is the matter?"
Apparently, Shichirou looked apprehensive. Seeing his appearance of having more to say, Kotarou folded his arms and nodded.
"You look like you have something to say?"
"No, just that..."
"Say it. Do not be hesitant."
"Shuryou..." Shichirou worded courteously. "Is it Saburou-sama's matter?"
Kotarou turned his eyes towards Shichirou.
"...Are you upset because of Saburou-sama's matter?"
"It is only natural to be worried for one's lord."
"No. I did not mean it this way."
Hearing this, it seemed like Kotarou was finally aware of Shichirou's meaning. He was evidently displeased that his mind-set had been guessed by his subordinate. Kotarou's gaze turned cold as he stared at Shichirou. Shichirou was startled and closed his mouth.
"Ujiyasu-kou has ordered us to be Saburou-sama's aides. As long as it is a command from Saburou-sama, we must obey it. It is only natural that the task ought to be accomplished in the fastest and most perfect manner. ...If you have so much time to make unnecessary conjectures, then you should have completed the investigation earlier."
"... Understood!"
Shichirou no longer touched the subject. "The following is the report."
He resumed a business-like intonation and began to report the details of the investigation.
From that day onwards, Kotarou began to collaborate with Kagetora as ordered by Ujiyasu.
Naoe's death had modified the situation. Because Kagetora had self-hypnotized himself into thinking that Kotarou was 'Naoe', he had to continue with this identity of 'Naoe' in order to preserve Kagetora's spiritual composure.
Upon knowing of this situation, Ujiyasu had given Kotarou a new order, that is, 'It would suffice to just devote yourself whole-heartedly to Saburou Kagetora now'. Thus, on the surface, the Fuuma clan that Kotarou led appeared to be retainers of the Uesugi and were only devoted to the Uesugi.
But they were not vassals of Kenshin. Even though they worked with Kagetora, in reality, they still obeyed and acted as accordingly to Ujiyasu's commands.
Uesugi Kagekatsu...
The face of Narita Yuzuru flashed in Kotarou's mind.
One who possessed the inherent quality of the Miroku Bodhisattva. It would not be an exaggeration to say that his astonishing power was capable of altering the crucial trends of Yami Sengoku.
Ujiyasu had decided to eliminate Narita Yuzuru before Kenshin could make use of him. Thus he wanted Kagetora return to the Hojo clan, and thereafter conduct a decisive battle with Kenshin.
For this reason, Kagetora's predicament of believing Kotarou to be 'Naoe', turned out to be a timely advantage to them. Kotarou would not suffer Kagetora's strong dislike and could be his trusted aide without any complications, thereby becoming a member of the Uesugi. The primary objective of allying himself with Kagetora had already been accomplished. Considering the situation at hand, now seemed to be a fairly promising time to carry out their task in persuading Kagetora to return to the Hojo clan.
Another objective was to investigate the direction of Kenshin's Yami Sengoku.
But Kenshin still had not personally contacted Kagetora.
Has he has decided to keep his activities a secret from Saburou-dono? Kenshin...
It appeared that way.
Not too long ago, the Uesugi's white-robed ladies were involved in certain suspicious activities. Their investigation had indicated that the white-robed ladies were not under the orders of Kagetora, they had carried out their operation for an unknown person. Kagetora had not noticed it. It seemed like Kenshin had conveyed his own ideas to the white-robed ladies without informing Kagetora and the others. It was quite obvious that he had decided to establish a new system of command.
Kenshin has decided to abandon Saburou-dono.
Kotarou had allowed the detached army of the Fuuma clan to investigate Kenshin's covert operations, and had come to this conclusion.
He probably has the intention of making use of Kagekatsu to build a new Uesugi army.
When Kagetora and the rest were completely unaware of it.
Ujiyasu regarded Kenshin's participation in Yami Sengoku as a sign that he was making battle plans.
You have been abandoned. Saburou-dono.
Kotarou said to him in his heart. All this while, Ujiyasu had never severed ties with him. There would come a day when he would have wanted Saburou Kagetora to return to the Hojo clan, allow him to reunite with his ancestors, and together resist the Oda and Kenshin.
Dealing with Kenshin required careful, meticulous planning, thus they had not executed any rash operations. But,
You must return to the Hojo clan as soon as possible.
--I trust Kenshin-kou! Kenshin-kou does not have such wild ambitions! Father's [Ujiyasu] words are wrong!
Despite saying this, Kagetora was not aware that he had allowed a servant of Ujiyasu to stay by his side.
--I will not return to the Hojo.
One day, your identity as Hojo Saburou shall be restored...
Kotarou lifted his gaze upwards to frown at the deep abyss of darkness as he listened to his subordinate's report.
Then, Takaya's heartfelt call suddenly echoed in his ears.
Kotarou looked at the building of the hotel.
The lights of Takaya's room were still on.
Seemed like he was not asleep yet.
--Isn't there something you must say now! Naoe!
The emotion in his [Takaya] eyes could not be erased from his vision. His voice could not leave his ears either.
What was Kotarou thinking of?
He calmly narrowed his eyes.
Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.
