Book 20 Chapter 06 聖痕

From Chinese translations by 佚.

Draft: Version 2 - final
Notes: thanks to kat_tyan for input
PS: do not distribute without my permission

---

He was desperate.
His body moved before his mind started to think.
Even though Takaya was weak, he was still conscious. Fortunately he was discovered early.

He immediately carried him to the washroom and poured water into his mouth, forcing him to regurgitate the pills. But seeing that Takaya no longer had any strength, Naoe inserted his fingers into his mouth a few times to induce a vomiting reflex, also squeezing the center of his chest inwards, eventually causing Takaya to throw up a few times.

"Use your strength... it's okay, vomit out everything."

Rubbing his back, he saw tears flowing out from the corners of Takaya's eyes. Vomiting had consumed a lot of his energy. Gasping painfully as he threw up until he felt his stomach empty. Luckily, he did not swallow a lethal dose of pills. He once again used the prepared medical kit to clean his stomach and finally everything was all right.

The past hour had been a storm.

While listening to the intermittent flow of water from the tap, Naoe held onto Takaya, leaning against the sink as he sat. His hair and clothes were soaked, together with the stain from having vomited, his appearance was heart-breaking.

Takaya, his muscles utterly spent, rested against Naoe's chest. His hair, dripping with water, clung to his forehead, his pale cheeks had turned emaciated. Once his illusory state had passed, it was substituted with shock.

There were no other tablets in the medicine kit in the kitchen besides the sleeping pills Ayukawa had brought. With this crisis he realized that the medicine kit should not have been placed in such an accessible location. He had been too careless. The thought that such a thing could have happened had not crossed his mind.

Takaya's lips were moving slightly, attempting to say something. Naoe pressed his ears close by to listen.

He said: Kill me...

He could not endure it any longer.

Hugging Takaya, he could see from the outline of his body that his shoulders and back were frighteningly slender. He was so thin that he looked as if he would disappear if he let him go. He had never seen such a destitute Kagetora in these 400 years. No matter how much suffering he had to contend with, he had never once tried to take his own life.

Kagetora would never be tangled with thoughts of suicide. Even if he considered suicide to be a better option, he would still eke out every ounce of his strength, open his eyes widely, reject the temptation of death and charge forward; continuously encouraging, consoling, reproaching his comrades. Naoe was a given, Irobe, Haruie even Nagahide, all of their lives had been supported in this way. If not for him, the rest of them would have already given up this seemingly endless life.

Did he feel that, by supporting other people, his own suffering could be alleviated?
--The ideal way of existence.

What exactly was Takaya feeling when he uttered those words?

Kagetora should be well aware that pursuing this so-called 'ideal' was akin to chasing an ever-elusive rainbow. Every single time he mentioned this, it came out like a binding curse. However, with respect to Naoe's former self, these bonds were necessary.

During that time, your words saved me...

"But..."

He embraced him tightly.

What on earth was he doing? That the most important person to him would unexpectedly choose to end his life. Previously, whenever he saw parents whose children had committed suicide, crying and screaming profusely at funerals, he had secretly laughed to himself, believing in his heart that he would never do such of thing. He would never allow the person he loved to commit suicide. In the end was he only laughing at himself? What significance was there to his existence? No, it was worse than meaningless, he was the one who drove Takaya to this.

What did he do?

After all, what was this man doing here?

Closing his eyes, tears began to flow.
Was he just a spectator? What could he do?
"It's... enough, Takaya-san."

Don't suffer anymore. Let's just close our eyes like this.
Could he only say this sort of words? Was his own strength completely useless?
Kagetora had lost his will and meaning in his existence.
As long as he lived, he would cause harm, kill many innocent people, becoming a living pest.
He must have decided to kill himself as he contemplated these thoughts.

"Am I not good enough..."
Naoe groaned.

"Is there no way I can bind you to life?"

The shackles of the 'ideal way of existence' by which Naoe was saved, had no way of binding Kagetora to this world. He only looked up to the sky, and not at Naoe. He could not see Naoe before him, he only hoped to the heavens -- for death.
If this was really the case, he [Naoe] could only do one thing.
Naoe embraced Takaya with all of his strength.
So that he could not go any place else.
So that he could not fly to Heaven--
Right now, the only things that were binding him were these two arms.

*

The moonlight dyed the mist with a touch of green.
When Takaya awakened on his bed, it was already midnight.
Naoe had sat by his pillow all this while, caring for Takaya as he slept soundly.
The lights in the room were not switched on.
Naoe looked at Takaya quietly, with anguished eyes.
He was exhausted.
Were there traces of tears on his cheeks?
Takaya looked up at Naoe's appearance in apprehension.
"Naoe..."

Once he called him, Naoe's eyes slowly drooped down. The tears had never stopped flowing, in order to hide them he lowered his head, a smile appearing on his lips.

Drops of tears still slid down his cheeks.

At this moment, perhaps Takaya understood the reason for Naoe's tears. He gently extended his weak fingers as though he wanted to wipe away the tears on his cheeks.

"It's enough.... Naoe."

He spoke in a hoarse voice.

Naoe used his right hand to cover his mouth, attempting to hold back his tears as he lowered his head. His shoulders shook slightly. The more he tried to restrain himself, the more sobs sprung up.

Takaya held his cheeks with his palm.

"You've already... surpassed me..."

"..."

"It's... enough."

Naoe shook his head incessantly. To negate his disagreement, Takaya shook his head as well.
Saying that the result of the battle was already known.
However Naoe did not acknowledge it. With his head still lowered, he gritted his teeth, and stubbornly continued to shake his head.

"...Why...was..."

Why was he so powerless?

The person dearest to him was obviously in misery, and yet he had no way of removing the pain. He could only watch. He knew he was suffering, he knew he was tormented to the point where he had to end his life to be liberated.

"Tell me, what exactly have I won?"

He could only agonize over his useless self. Upset that he did not have a single merit. That he had no means of alleviating all the pain afflicting his beloved, just what exactly could he boast about?

"...Why... am I so powerless..."
Naoe spluttered in a cracked voice, as though he was coughing out blood.

"I did not win..."

Restraining his sobs, he repeated his words.

"I never won where I was supposed to have excelled."

"..."

Takaya looked at him silently and calmly used his fingers to stroke Naoe's hair affectionately.
Naoe slowly opened his eyes.
The expression in Takaya's eyes was comforting, as though he wanted to console a crying boy.

"Don't cry..."

"..."

"Don't cry..."

Naoe gazed directly at Takaya. Even when reduced to such a fragile condition, he still comforted others.
His chest -- he felt a tightness in his chest.

Takaya's hand was caressing his cheek and Naoe placed his left hand over it. Takaya's fingers were slender and the joints were clearly apparent; his fingers were as cold as snow.

At this moment, Takaya saw the scar on his left wrist.
A perfectly straight, horizontal line.
A deeply engraved scar.

Three years ago, when he had been reunited with Naoe, the scar was already there. Although Naoe always covered it with his watch, Takaya had vaguely sensed that it was no ordinary injury.
Naoe never mentioned the origin of that mark, but Ayako had secretly told Takaya.
The meaning of that scar.

"Good..."

Takaya mumbled repeatedly.
"It didn't disappear..."

A scar that he loved so much.

The entire 28 years of Naoe's life, unknown to Takaya, was concentrated within this very spot.
It was a profoundly severe burden. During the years of his life when he had no idea if Kagetora was alive or dead, the scar appeared after Naoe had cut himself out of misery. For Takaya, this 'proof' was more powerful than anything else.

Takaya drew Naoe's wrist near, then silently kissed the scar.
Naoe was stunned. In the moment that his lips brushed against the mark, he felt like the Buddha had touched him. Confounded, he closed his eyes.

The scar on his left wrist-

"A stigma..."

The depth of Naoe's suffering, just that, is what saves Takaya.

Takaya affectionately kissed the scar once again.
Tears began to fall.
"This belongs to me..."

The clear moonlight illuminated the sides of their faces.

This body known as Tachibana Yoshiaki was, without a doubt, highly precious due to the countless marks engraved upon its surface, that represented proof.

The desperation of losing Kagetora was slashed on his left wrist and his protection of the once amnesia-ridden Kagetora was marked on his back. Naoe's desire for Kagetora had all transformed into 'history', carved onto this torso.

I loved it...

Takaya's tears fell. Even though he knew his body would perish in the end, even though this was just a temporary residence, this body was exceedingly important. Takaya was far more unwilling to lose this body than Naoe was.

"It's mine."

Takaya softly proclaimed.

"These scars as well... all of them are mine."

Naoe closed his eyes, and wept.

For a time, he [Takaya] thought he had truly lost him. He thought he could never return.
He had resolved to give him up.
He had not been discarded by Naoe, but freed him. He wanted to convince himself with these sort of words.

I've always lived by exploiting your heart...

And still. Even now. Even more. Did he still hope to be loved when others were hurt in return? After all, here he was still deeply satisfied by Naoe's suffering.

If he could not love himself, it would be acceptable to live without love. If he could not live without love, then it would be acceptable to die. A person could only choose between life or death. That was the way of existence.

"An illusion..."

Takaya mentioned quietly.
"Maybe... this is just my imagination..."

"Takaya-san."

"I... have no way of trusting myself..."

He had no confidence in believing that he was really alive in this place and no longer locked in his delusions.

"..."

"Prove it to me."

You know how to do this.

Naoe used his left arm that Takaya had kissed to stroke away the strands of hair on his forehead, and cupped his cheek. He calmly moved himself over Takaya's body.

Takaya was enveloped in Naoe's shadow, he focused his gaze on Naoe.

"I am yours..."

Using a deep and low voice from the center of his chest, Naoe told him.

"Even if you said you do not want this, I will still live for you..."

"Naoe..."

"All that I have, all of it belongs to you. My body, status, reputation, knowledge or history, everything is yours. They are your possessions. Including my joy and grief."

Naoe wanted to announce all of his feelings that had accumulated like a crushing weight. --None of this is an illusion.

"You can extort whatever you want from me."

Takaya widened his eyes.
Then he shook his head in fear.

"I can't do this..."

"..."

"I... can't exploit you like this anymore."

"Do you know what brings the most joy to a person living in this world?"

"..."

"The fulfillment of his life's purpose."

Naoe uttered quietly.

"What I seek, is not liberty, nor is it to be liberated. And it most definitely isn't the happiness of triumphing over you."

Perhaps all of these thoughts had been entertained at some point in the past.
But they turned out to be like snowflakes that could melt away at any time.

"As long as I can become a part of you, I'll be satisfied."

Becoming one in spirit with his beloved.

In this world, a person could only consider himself truly saved if he lived for a real purpose. In accordance with these words, for himself, he was only content when being plundered.

"I live so that I can be ravaged by you."

Indeed. Once, he had pursued freedom; once, he had been waiting to be released; all of these were true. But for this soul, even if it was liberated, it would not be saved. What he wanted was to be strongly tied down. To be tightly bound by whom he views to be the most beautiful person, to be dominated, only in this way could he see paradise.

Maintaining a distance in order to be safe, constructing a happiness within his mind, or leading a smooth life, none of these can pacify this soul's desire. His soul was untamed. An untamed lust would certainly not employ reason to fulfill a need.

Using his warm palm to move Takaya's cold cheeks, Naoe chewed back the countless words that sprung up in his heart.

This man who resisted Amadeus, was in actuality, more than anyone else - including those worshipers, the one who demanded to be dominated.
Although it seemed contradictory, he could now positively feel that this was his sincere wish.

"I finally understand."

The shape of life he wanted for himself--. At last, in the noisy confusion of this world, he could hear his heart's true voice.

He had taken a detour. Perhaps he had made a lot of mistakes, perhaps he had lost a lot of things, to finally find the very location of the treasure.

"Naoe..."

"You don't have to change in any way. Just continue with the way you have always lived, because this is my true desire. My words -- my spirit, you can continue to take advantage of them."

It did not matter if he was emptied, it would be best if not one drop was left. If only he could become a portion of his blood. He wanted to be part of his skeleton. Unwilling to leave him. Even if he had to suffer. If his suffering could be proof, then he no longer needed happiness.

As long as I can be a part of your flesh and blood, then I can be saved.

"..."

"Call my name."

Takaya exhaled, keenly watching the tears falling from Naoe's eyes. Naoe slowly brought his face close to the curvature of Takaya's neck.

"Ougi Takaya..."

"..."

"Please call me."

Changing all suffering into an eternal, sacred mark...

"Call my name."


He could feel Naoe's hair nestled in his neck, Takaya closed his eyes. His heart began to pound more strongly, feeling his temperature gradually rising.
This time, it will be different. Takaya could hear the man's overflowing passion, saying so in his heart, and he started to tremble slightly.

"I'm scared..."

Naoe heard him but did not pay any attention and continued with his actions, Takaya's entire body went stiff as he closed his eyes.
The man's hand undid the buttons on his shirt, his fingers combed the upper part of his body in a caress.

"It's a lie..."

Takaya stared up into the air, muttering.

"If we continue with this... sooner or later you will leave me..."

"I won't leave."

"You will throw me away..."

"I won't."

"I can't trust this... a person can't possibly be bound to this sort of thing..."

"You did not bind me. I cannot live without being bound."

Takaya shook his head like a young boy. His voice was silenced by the hand sliding up the inner side of his thigh.

"For 400 years, this never ceased. For all these years I could not give this up."

"...sooner or later... you'll abandon..."

"I will not abandon you..."

"Once you've achieved what you desire, you'll eventually tire of it."

"You really don't understand the slightest bit of your true appearance."

Naoe said in a firm tone of voice, touching the weakest part of his body. Takaya suddenly lifted his jaw.

"You don't know what your real self is. You're a frightening person, the most terrifying in this world. You say these sort of things because you're not aware of this."

He felt the temperature of his blood suddenly increase as the man's fingers fondled him.

"Do you know to what extent you bound me with your spell?"

"You're... lying..."

Desperately trying to control himself as the sensation of pleasure slowly intensified,

"You only cared because you couldn't acquire it. It's just a desire to conquer..."

"Not to conquer, but to be conquered."

"You will leave... You don't know anything at all..."

"I know."

"I'm a weak person. As long as the other can satisfy my lust, I can take off my clothes at any time."

Seeking his lips, Naoe used a hoarse voice and said.
"I know..."

"..."

Takaya opened his eyes in surprise. Naoe looked at Takaya with a fiery gaze,
"One man ought to have embraced you in this way."

Takaya widened his eyes. The man's fingers traced the outline of his body. He remembered the order of those touches, those caresses...

"Laugh at me if you want..."

Clenching his teeth to endure the humiliation, Takaya squeezed his words out.
"Laugh at this man... who can just sleep with anyone... this lascivious man..."

"No. You did not sleep with just anyone."

He was now panting; brushing aside the hair on his forehead, Naoe's half-open eyes burned as he spoke.

"...You knew that was me."

Takaya felt like he had been pierced, opening his eyes widely.
"...Wha- "

Naoe did not answer, only using his lips to contain his arousal.
"!"

Takaya's back arched upwards, sweat oozing out of his chest. He wanted to open his mouth to reply but could not form any words, it was substituted by a whimper that leaked out. The agile tongue and soft lips repeatedly stimulated him, his head was in disarray, he could not think.

"Wh...at..."

He tried to escape by twisting his waist, however he was being firmly held down by Naoe, unable to budge.

"Ah... Ahhh...!"

He did not even know what moved him so as he was being propelled by a huge force to his limits. Closing his eyes with all his strength, he locked his jaw so as to avoid making any sounds. Naoe's eyes never left Takaya's face.

"....!"

He felt his consciousness momentarily floating away. Proof of his liberation was dispersed on the bed sheet, dropping down as his strength left him, Naoe used his right hand to tenderly support his back. Takaya looked up into the air, desperately trying to suppress his disordered breathing. Within his senses -- he understood completely.

"...this... what happened..."

A frightening... man. Takaya said.

"You mentally synchronized with another person..."

He himself had not once done this kind of thing.

Naoe kissed his lips once again. Tolerating his crazed thirst, Takaya slowly opened his eyes gazing into the eyes of the man in front of him.

Brown eyes like glass. The eyes that had once lost their radiance were now fixed on him. Previously, just before he died, he still had eyes that were overrun with love. Now that he was alive, this boiling heat -- so close to him.

"A terrifying... man."

The more he looked at him, the more he felt like he was going mad. As if he was being drawn in.

"A person like you... I don't..."

... love you.
He did not say out those words.

That was the last time Takaya could articulate his words.

"Don't say anymore..."

He was so adorable that it was driving him crazy. Naoe called his name unceasingly as he kissed him. Because he wanted to feel his everything, he sucked on his fingertips, from his back he held on to the body that was trying to escape, propping up his waist, eagerly biting at the alluring figure. For a long time he had been anxious and fretful, hungering for his body, to merge his entire self with a part of him.

"I want you..."

His mouth continuously pasted kisses on his back, repeating the words feverishly. His beloved Amadeus...

"There's a paradise within your body..."

The aforementioned beauty existed in his body. This love was like a conviction. He did not believe in God or the heavens, nor did he believe in any of humanity's salvation. However, only inside him, could he see the path leading to paradise. He could sacrifice anything for it. Even if the failures and selfishness loaded within him [Naoe] were uncovered, even if he was expelling the gory mixture of his envy, loathe and desire, he still wished to always pursue the form of this back.

Engraving it.

Desiring you every day, cursing you every day, wanting to insult you for causing this struggle every day, mocking the large group of people who fail to measure up with your brilliance every day, feeling miserable and longing for escape every day, wanting to slaughter all the people who coerced you every day, believing that you can hear the voice of God thus grow fearful of you every day, crying out why I cannot be like you every day. Engraving every single one of them.

He became a martyr for Kagetora, for this lonely soul. His [Kagetora] incompetence, his filth, his ugliness, his naiveté, he would grab all of it firmly and not let go, emitting a radiance, causing one to shower tender affection... like the sun...

Only this one person can rescue his soul, right from the start until the very end.

I want to live within your spirit...

It is fine if you just call my name.
There is no need to compete. Only wishing to be one small corner of your spirit, that is enough.
Let me live inside you.
Let me inhabit you.
As long as I can live inside you my suffering will be purified. If only my spiritual sperm can live inside your body..!

If I can stay inside you...!


"Ah... Ahhhh...!!"

As a result of the rousing pain from being thrust by a piece of flesh, Takaya whimpered miserably. His body had originally been permeated by a pleasant sensation when all of a sudden he felt like he had fallen into Hell in an instance. Without any tender caress he felt the pressure of the forceful penetrations. Even though he heard the recurring sound of his moaning, Naoe still did not stop.

"Nnhh... Ahhh...!!"

His physical body was going to split, blood flowed out, his body was being mangled by a severe pain, causing Takaya to scream agonizingly in madness.

"Ahh... Ahhh...!!"

Feeling Takaya's body suddenly constrained itself upwards to the center of his [Naoe] body, Naoe pushed deeper into him. Takaya's whimpering had grown hoarse, he endured, close to losing consciousness. Takaya cried, his back shuddering as he was breathing like a wild beast. An immense feeling of love overwhelmed Naoe. The room was filled with the sound of their intense panting.

It did not matter if this body had no way of giving birth,
as long as my sperm can stay somewhere in your soul,
as long as your soul becomes pregnant with a new spirit...
Even though we're not the people loved by God, we can still be redeemed.
My pain can be purified by the offsprings of your spirit.

Additionally, new life will be born.

After that, our spiritual child will continue to flourish, after duplicating itself, if it can give birth to a new era, create history...

Humanity's existence, is not entirely meaningless...

We... are not completely worthless...
We should be able to say this much, shouldn't we?

If we could leave something behind...

Naoe temporarily stopped at Takaya's body, ceasing to move. Tears ran down from Takaya's eyes, he was clutching the sheets tightly, appearing to be crushing something by clenching his teeth together, desperately trying to endure the pain that was mutilating his body. Blood flowed down his legs, the four limbs of his body were aching, quivering. Naoe quietly planted kisses on his back as though he wanted to cure him.

Even if humans became extinct, civilizations extinguished, if the day came where only the wind blew across the reddish-brown earth...
At the very end of time, even when all the stars have disappeared.
This feeling would still linger on this earth.
This desire would still linger in the void of the darkness.
Definitely...

"I love you..."

Tied by flesh with his beloved.
Feeling the heat of his very existence with his own flesh...
Naoe uttered. --With pain and joy.

This soul...

Ougi Takaya...
I love you...

---

Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.

Read More

Book 20 Chapter 05 翼は闇にうずくまる

From Chinese translations by 佚.

Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 直江实纲 Naoe Sanetsuna; 御馆之乱 Otate no Ran (Battle of Otate); 本部 honbu (division, headquarters); 草千里 Kusasenri; 古城 Kojou; 重臣 juushin (chief vassal)
PS: do not distribute without my permission

---

Deep within the mist, what they did not have, was the human creation of 'dates'.

As a result of not having something to keep track of the days, it came to be realized, that 'dates' were formulated by people just to conveniently record the flow of their lives, thus in a place with no one present, there was no need for this sort of thing. By the repeated sunrises and sunsets, the living creatures grew, and died. Just like that.

As long as they stayed here, they understood. Even though people's lives were dependent on dates, in truth, was this really needed?

The same mundane routine was repeated every day. The first day, then the second. Their hair grew long, as did their fingernails, feeling the time pass by slowly.

In this place concealed by the dense mist, there were no changes in the weather.
No newspapers, no television either, not even a calendar, they had completely lost track of how many days had passed.

The breath of the outside world was completely inaccessible.
As long as they stayed here, there was the illusory feeling that just the two of them were left in this whole world.
Forgetting about the existence of other people.
The integrative relationships between humans were now mere illusions.
Perhaps history was also an illusion.
Maybe only the two of them truly existed.
Maybe just the two of them were left on this earth.

Everyone can most definitely can see illusions.
Now within the embrace of the imaginary savior that must exist somewhere in this world.
Even if he had really been saved, eventually this would reveal itself as another miserable delusion.
This small joy to appease the unrest in his heart, was really just a momentary comfort. Even if the internal spirit was comforted by tenderness during the night, the pain of despair would return in the early morning. There was no other way to cure the heart's weariness, besides optimism.

To want to whole-heartedly satisfy greed, or engage in eternal craving, it would only lead to a further inflation of covetousness. The heart would be similar to a pendulum, with reason and hope strained from oscillating back and forth endlessly.

Until the day it snaps.

If one personally sensed that one could not believe in oneself, what should that person do?
Perhaps, the whole reason why man could not survive in outer space, was not because of the vacuum, but because there was no earth. There was no place for a foothold, no attachment, one could only be perpetually carried by the current.

Now, compared with the distant heavens, there was the greater desire to stand firmly on the unwavering earth.

*

The mist outside grew thicker as it passed.
The short grove from the porch was nearly imperceptible as the dense mist enveloped the area.
That was probably a real mist. It was like a curtain of smoke. The beautiful birch forest was cloaked in a milky white that concealed the plants.
The same was with the birds, even though their chirps could be heard, their forms could not be seen.
Perhaps it was better this way. The moment any small creature approached this place,

They would probably lose their lives.

Sitting at the uppermost section of the bed, Takaya gazed outside the window.
How much time had actually passed since that incident?
The spiritual fog constructed by Naoe seemed to have become disordered in accordance with his own physiology.
How many times had he dozed off, how many times had he fallen asleep? The minutes passed by in dreams and waking such that he could not differentiate between the two, he could not determine for certain how many days had passed since then.
No, perhaps it had been only a few hours.
He felt like he could not find any beginning.

After the situation that day, Takaya had recovered his senses.
Any hint of self-enclosure had disappeared. Acknowledging reality little by little, at long last all the events that had occurred until now were laid before him.
The memory of Hagi city --. Naoe's resurrection, the events at Aso, the matters surrounding his own condition, one by one they sprung up clearly in Takaya's mind. His mind was originally locked in a fragmented mixture of two discrete sets of the puzzle; now with the facts and errors separated, he could distinctly see the truth.

However, as the time passed by, Takaya once again sank into a subdued melancholy.
Eventually, he did not allow Naoe to enter his room.
Perhaps he was thinking over his newly-recovered memories and the events that transpired over the past two years.

Naoe could only observe Takaya from a distance.

The raindrops started to patter on the window pane.
His eyes gazed at the floor of the porch that progressively moistened, then a heavy rain poured down.
The afternoon rain.
In the quiet room, only the sound of the rain could be heard.

Naoe stood outside the half-open door, looking at Takaya inside the room.

"..."

Takaya sat on the bed without moving, hugging his knees.
They had not engaged in any proper discourse.
Takaya had isolated himself from Naoe, saying very little.

Takaya had learned of everything concerning his recovery from Naoe himself. He also knew that what Kousaka had told Takaya previously, that 'Naoe had sold him out' were all fabrications, that all of it was part of a hidden plot, the truth about the mystery had all been unraveled...

Undoubtedly, Naoe's matters, his own situation, all of it had come to him like an enormous assault. When he prepared meals for him he would eat, although he never said anything. Every day passed by in gloom. Although he ate more than before, he seemed weaker at present due to his spirit.

Even now, he was always staring at the wall, never moving, as though he was thinking of something.

He [Naoe] could clearly see the bruise marks on his skin. They were not just any ordinary bruises. The blue-black swellings covered his entire body, a miserable sight, as though he had been violently injured by someone, such that he [Naoe] could not say that they were proof of his love.

Takaya could not bear any small misstep on his [Naoe] part, which would cause Takaya's heart to stop due to his excessive fears. Even though Naoe was sincerely earnest, his course of action had honestly been too harsh. It would only arrest the soul of this person, considering how frightened he was.

Truly heart-breaking.

Having his mind restored should be greeted as good news, was he still sad?

Takaya's spirit was diminishing at a critical rate with each passing day.

He had to take a good look at him as his condition was more precarious than before.

At first, Naoe had decided to wait for Takaya to take notice of him before speaking, but Takaya only remained as he was for a full hour thus he knocked softly on the door. Takaya only heard him after several knocks, slowly turning his head.

Dismal eyes.

"I've brought a change of clothes."

Naoe approached holding a shirt and towel.

"I think you would prefer a shirt over a bathrobe? You can use the bathroom anytime, when you do, please take this towel. I will change the bed sheet when you're bathing."

"...?"

"Your wound... how is it?"

Takaya looked directly at Naoe, before shifting his line of sight to the window. He was silent for awhile, then incoherently said:

".... I told you not to enter my room."

Just an answer was enough for Naoe feel slightly at ease. He hung the clothes on the back of the chair, and smoothened the top of the bed as he spoke.

"It would be good to walk around a little, now that you can stand."

"..."

"A bit of exercise will hasten your recovery. If you need help I can support you, just walking about in the room is sufficient."

"Recovery...?"

Takaya suddenly asked rhetorically, facing downwards, he laughed.

"And what will I do after recovering?"

Naoe's expression turned solemn, pausing in his activity.

"Sooner or later, you're going to kill me anyway, aren't you? All of you have decided to kill me, right?"

"...Takaya-san."

"This matter..."

He could hear his defeat in the bleak tone of his voice. Then a smile appeared on his lips.

"Why did you help me? If you had just left me there, I would have been finished."

"...? Who told you?"

Naoe's words grew stiff.

"Who said I wanted to kill you?"

"...It doesn't matter who said it. As the new general, there is no reason to keep the previous general alive."

"..."

"Let alone a son of the Hojo clan."

Naoe could not say anything.

Takaya smiled again. A smile that combined self-ridicule and derogation.
"Yes. ...Uesugi did not trust me. Not knowing when this Hojo son will eventually betray him, it would be strange if he hadn't ponder over this. If I were him, I would've purified this person very early on."

"Takaya-san..."

"Even though I've lived for 400 years, it seems like there was no way I could ever convey anything to that person?"

Takaya closed his eyes in misery.

"...It was the same 400 years ago."

'That' person Takaya was referring to: Kenshin.

Now he was probably thinking of the events that occurred after Kenshin had passed away.
--His dying wish, allowing Kagekatsu-kou to inherit his position.

March 1578.

Watching over Kenshin by his deathbed, was not just anyone, but Naoe's mother.
His father, Naoe Sanetsuna, had been Kenshin's most devoted juushin before he [Sanetsuna] passed away. To all the other kinsmen who were not familiar with Kenshin, Sanetsuna had sometimes resembled a father, and Kenshin had also been responsible for matchmaking Sanetsuna with his now-widowed wife. Kenshin himself could not have foreseen his own death approaching when he succumbed to this ailment, could he?

His mother, who sat by his pillow caring for him, asked the terminally-ill Kenshin, who he wanted as a successor.

--Would Kagekatsu-kou be suitable?

Kenshin 'very happily' nodded his head.

Naoe was then the leader of Kagekatsu's faction. Kagekatsu subsequently sent 'dying instructions' explaining that 'Kenshin had chosen Kagekatsu', wantonly announcing it in the city, furthermore, taking this opportunity to attack Kagetora's reputation. Kagekatsu's position was conveniently elevated as a result his [Naoe's] mother's timely query. But in actuality, she was the only person who saw Kenshin nod.

Did he really nod?

Naoe himself did not know. After all, his mother had been part of Kagekatsu's camp.

If things had not turned out this way...

"He still... doesn't trust me."

As if he was replying to Naoe's recollection, Takaya laughed in a low voice.

"That person..."

"Takaya-san."

"I didn't seem to have any use, not even after 400 years. Although I strove so hard, still nothing was conveyed."

"It's not like this, Takaya-san."

"When Yami Sengoku began, I should've expected that things would turn out like this. Just like the retainers whom never had any confidence in this Hojo son during the Battle of Otate. Even if we returned to the Sengoku Jidai, that person would still..."

"You're wrong, Takaya-san."

"Where am I mistaken?"

Takaya smiled tiredly.

"I could not even earn a little of his trust despite having lived for 400 years, not even after I exorcised my own family, he still never had any confidence in me."

"You don't understand, Takaya-san."

"I don't understand? So there's another reason? Is it because of my failures?"

Naoe's words were caught in his throat again.

He concealed his pain with silence.
Takaya, watching Naoe swallow his own words, asked in a low voice.

"When Kenshin-kou appointed you as the new general, what did he say?"

Naoe had no way of answering. Takaya smiled again.

"Wasn't it after the events of Hagi city? When you were resurrected, what did he tell you?"

Naoe could not answer. There was no way of explaining Kenshin's sincere intentions regarding Takaya's secret to him.
Naoe could not reveal the true reasons. However Takaya's eyes insisted on an answer. After a brief, grim silence, Naoe changed his manner and told him:

"That is correct..."

With a calculated effort, he disguised his words with a cold tone of voice.
"It's because you're related to the Hojo. To stop Yami Sengoku, Kenshin-kou could no longer let you be the general."

"He... did not trust me..."

"You called for Hojo Ujiyasu's help at Itsukushima, didn't you?"

Takaya trembled, his face turned pale.

"As long as Hojo Ujiyasu is still around, there's the possibility of you returning to the Hojo. Even though they lost Hojo Ujimasa and Ujiteru."

"I exorcised them with my own hands."

"You are the only remaining member of the Hojo clan now, and you did not sever all connections with Ujiyasu."

"That..."

A question that led to matters he had never even thought of, Takaya wavered slightly. During that time, he had felt as though he had been possessed by a nefarious spirit. He had wanted more strength, thus appealed to his father, Ujiyasu, who had taken a form of a dragon, for help.

Unconsciously...

"Kenshin-kou was most worried about your relationship with Ujiyasu."

"But, that..."

"If he had allowed you to become resentful, it would've been a big crisis to Kenshin-kou. Even if he had not removed you, he could not let you continue as the military general."

Takaya closed his mouth. He had no other reply, his eyes only glinted.

"How are you... going to get rid of me?"

"You can no longer go to the outside world."

Kagetora could still make use of other places, preventing them from falling under Ujiyasu's control.

"Until Yami Sengoku has ended, please stay here."

Takaya choked on his saliva. Naoe's expression was ice-cold and firm as iron as he uttered these words. A terrifying seriousness in his tone. This person was truly determined to imprison him here until Yami Sengoku ended.

Takaya stared at Naoe quietly.

"So I'll be caged here for the rest of my lifetime?"

"...Maybe, it seems that way for now."

Takaya was silent. He had no explanation for the issue regarding Ujiyasu.
The complications of blood ties--

He had obviously assumed that his connection with his biological father was superficial. However, Takaya had never paid attention to his surroundings, maybe that was Kenshin's greatest worry. Thinking up to this point, Takaya had nothing left to say.

But...

I was never untruthful.
For me, there are more important things than blood ties.

"It's not a must... to kill me."

"..."

"Did you think you could just imprison me in this man-made spiritual fog?"

"..."

"Isn't it better to kill me now when there's still time, before I escape and make it difficult for you to catch me."

Naoe closed his eyes, lowering his head.

"This sort of life is equivalent to spraying poison on a person, it would be wise to purify it as soon as possible. If you just let things be, the poison would increase to the extent where purification would no longer work. I will go mad staying alone in this place. Do you want me to change into a murderous, evil spirit?"

"You won't be alone."

"..."

"I will be with you."

Takaya glowered at him. Naoe's serious eyes were brimming with resolution.

For a moment, he could not say anything.

"Hn..."

Takaya laughed all of a sudden.

"You want to keep me? Want me to carry on with life like a prostitute? Just in time for you to take advantage of your former master during this period. The man who trampled over you all this while, can now be humiliated as you wish?"

Naoe was silent, deciding not to answer.

"Is this your declaration of victory?"

Naoe knitted his brow distressingly.
Even though Takaya stared at Naoe intently, he [Naoe] hung his eyes tiredly, perhaps his own strength was failing him, as he looked at the floor.

"You can no longer fight in battle anymore."

Naoe told him in an emotionally repressed tone.

"If you continue to fight when your powers are unstable, you would be a danger to even your own team. Particularly since your powers are explosive, the damage would be especially severe."

--You can't control your powers anymore.

Naoe looked up.

Takaya was grinding his teeth in hatred, cursing himself.

"So I've been abandoned?"

"..."

"Of course, you can't bring along this kind of lunatic."

"Takaya-san."

His shoulders trembled. Takaya laughed. He laughed in complete self-derision as though he was insane.

"Now that you mention it... it's true. Changing into a madman when his retainer died, it's really not something an ordinary person would do. Not only that, fooling myself with a completely different person to replace the one who died, and for two years no less."

What a sorry state. He mumbled to himself in a hoarse voice.

He had labored all of his efforts on a mistaken partner. Furthermore, he had very laughably expressed the wrong feelings. Now that his mind was clear, tears of shock welled up in his eyes as he witnessed his own appearance during that time, like watching a clear recording. The extent of his foolishness surprised him, almost as if this was one of his special abilities.

"How can anyone trust this sort of crazy person. There's no way he'll willingly put his trust in me anymore. Even if he didn't throw me away, he should just put me aside and not bother. Everybody knows about this right? That I'm now a worthless object."

"Takaya-san..."

"Of course you should cast away useless tools, especially this sort of frail ones."

Naoe could not stop shaking his head.

"Even when discarded... there's nothing I have to say."

Naoe's expression grew intense, gazing at Takaya. Takaya was silent for a long time, then he painfully lowered his head.

"...Why... did you want to save me..."

"Takaya-san."

"Why... did you do this..."

Takaya could not control himself and stopped talking.
His entire body quivered--

Naoe thought he was crying and wanted to hold his shoulders.

"Don't touch me!"

He forcefully moved Naoe's hands aside, Takaya's eyes were filled with a forceful glaze, as he tried to stop his body from shaking.
His wrath seemed to emanate from nowhere as he balled his fists tightly.
He had no way of directing his anger at Kenshin, and was unable to face Naoe.
The sound of raindrops persisted.
Takaya lowered his head and did not move.

Naoe wore a sincere expression and asked:
"...Do you want to know about Nagahide?"

Takaya did not answer.
Naoe was silent for a while, then spoke in a low voice:

"...about Nagahide, I think... he definitely cannot be saved..."

"..."

"Despite being second to you in terms of power, to fight hand to hand with Nobunaga, the disparity in strength is still too large after all. Even if he managed to inflict harm on Nobunaga by employing his maximum power, there's still no way of defeating the potential level of his opposing power, it is the same as the time when he fought with you."

"Why..."

Takaya uttered, his face buried in darkness.

"Why, did he have to die?"

"..."

"The person who truly deserves to die is still alive, however those who should live are dead."

"Takaya-san."

"Chiaki... that idiot..."

--Do you doubt me?
--Do you want to kill me? Kagetora!
He heard the voice clearly in his ears.
--I'm still here.
Carved before Takaya's eyes, was Chiaki's appearance at Taikan Hou. Shouting with an expression that told him he was going to risk his life. He had not been frightened by this lunatic, unwilling to abandon this man who had harbored foolish doubts in his heart...
--Don't die...

Why didn't I die instead...

"You're no longer... here..."

He groaned, his two hands pressed firmly against his forehead.
The person who deserved death was still here. The person closest to him who died has now returned to life. Why did he have to disappear? The heavens have chosen the wrong life to take away.

These matters are intolerably overwhelming.

Takaya ground his teeth in hatred. --Because of his ignorance he had lost important people. While others sacrificed their lives, his own life was constantly extended. There was really no natural justice.

"It's obviously enough..."

Holding his head, Takaya shook. He was not forcefully attempting to contain his sobs, but the boiling in his abdomen, arising from anger and hatred at himself.

Naoe grew distressed, seeing Takaya in this way.

Nagahide...

After the quarrel at Kusasenri honbu, Ayukawa had learned of Yasuda Nagahide. He had roughly gathered all the details surrounding Nobunaga's actions after arriving in Kumamoto, as well as finding out that the person who had left to chase Nobunaga's men in Aso, had not just been anyone, but Chiaki.

The last person to have communicated with Chiaki, was most likely Takaya.
Naoe closed his eyes.

Nobunaga's 'Hakonha' was a fascinating power that would thoroughly shatter the soul, taking away the ability to possess again, transforming existence to a null state. There would be no reincarnation for certain.

A perished existence...

The last time Naoe saw him was at Kojou high school. He could tell that Chiaki had grown slightly sensitive as a result of possessing this [Chiaki's] body.

For 400 years, they have lived together as comrades. An existence that transcended the bonds of blood kin.

That person should probably recognize me.

Furthermore, when he had not been around for two years, the person who had supported him [Takaya] the most, trudged down the same path beside him, was Nagahide.

Although Naoe grieved, no doubt the person who suffered the greatest blow was Takaya.

Takaya was now composed, his face had calmed.
"Takaya-san..."
There was no answer when he called.
Naoe thought he was crying.
However there were no tears flowing out of his eyes.

Exhausting all of his stamina with this idiocy, he did not have any strength left to sigh. Bringing all of his current operations to a halt, what was it all for? For the past two years, what had he been doing?

Idiot...

After recovering his memories, he saw how appalling the reflection of his 'true' self was. It was not just a simple matter of self-dislike.

Even though he was an 'out-of-sorts Naoe', in his memories, this person was still Naoe. He was more senseless than an insect to have replaced Naoe with Kotarou. Even though it had been his own conjuration, building his own stage, all of the injuries he had received were real. He had been abandoned. He had been alienated. He had been detached. All of his devices had, in actuality, resulted in a sharp blade, splintering the body, making him bleed, with wounds that would never heal again.
The issues of existence would upset Takaya. Once he had been afflicted with this trauma, it would be engraved deep within his soul, never to be removed.

In the end, he had turned into a poisonous being, as long as he lived he was a murderer.

He was too debilitated to laugh anymore.

Why am I still alive?

He could not say anything.

His shameful attitude had been completely exposed. His insanity had been revealed, his anger had been vented, his mad cries, as though he had disgorged all the filth within him. And yet, up to this stage,

I'm still alive.

He grabbed at the strands of hair on his forehead. He could not find a way of enduring this sort of thoughtless and prolonged life. He should have died at Aso. He had no longer wanted a paradise. So he had yearned to return to the darkness. Because of this desire, he had dragged himself forward with each stumbling step, even if he was dizzy or his vision darkened, even if he was out of breath, he continued to fight. His goal was to wear himself down so that he could never be recovered again.

That was called 'redemption'.

"It's your fault... Naoe."

Naoe widened his eyes.

Takaya clutched his forehead, he was in a lot of pain.

Because of you...
Because you...

Naoe's look of astonishment returned to a calm gaze and he said softly.

"....Are you saying, I killed Nagahide?"

"Not only Nagahide."

His fingernails scraped at his face,

"Minako as well."

Naoe's breathing stopped. He felt certain that all the blood had left his face.

But Takaya was not accusing Naoe. His expression of hopelessness was far greater than Naoe's, his two hands pressing against his face.
"We killed them."

"...Takaya-san."

So many -- Really, so many, innocent people.
Implicating them, tormenting them, over and over again. He had trampled over a mountain of their corpses and carried on living--
Takaya's eyes displayed grief as he quietly faced Naoe.

"I don't know how to compensate for their lives."

"Takaya-san."

"..."

Laughing weakly, Takaya inclined his head slightly. Closing both his eyes tightly, tears finally began to flow.
Takaya wept quietly without sobbing.

"Why, are you still alive?"

"..."

"Why, after things have turned out this way, did you allow me to live?"

It was as if a miracle had happened, bringing about this impossible fairytale-like reality.
Naoe watched the transparent tears slide down Takaya's worn-out cheeks.

At that time...

He should have been burnt to death by the flames he had emitted. When he went mad. Otherwise, even if Naoe wanted to save him, he should have been saved by a 'dead Naoe'.

Apart from him, no one else could save him.

They could not even become ashes together.

Why do you still allow this sort of human to live? This sort of useless person who is terribly distrustful and fearful, and mentally fragile.

Takaya cried, saying in a broken voice:

"Why..."

The sound of the raindrops resounded in the room.

Naoe was silent for a long time, then he gently told him:
"Because... I love you."

"..."

"I love you..."

Takaya calmly opened his eyes.
Naoe was not smiling. His words were not uttered out of charity as he gazed at Takaya with grief-stricken eyes.
Takaya wrinkled his brow, closing his eyes.
The sound of raindrops surrounded the two of them like a veil.

It would be self-centered of him to tell him [Takaya] that he did not hope for him to die even though he was suffering. Both Naoe and Takaya understood that.
But he would be lying if he said that he was not self-centered. It was easy for anyone to preach to others that 'suicide is a mistake' when they do not possess a deep understanding of other people's lives.
However, nobody can mention these lofty words before a person who was truly in pain.

--Because I love you...

If these words were heard in normal times, they would definitely seem frivolous.
But now, they were warm.
These heartfelt and soothing words permeated the wound. Feeling this, Takaya bit his lower lip.
He closed his eyes.
"Leave the room."

Naoe's eyes widened.

Takaya appeared to be squeezing out every last drop of his spent energy to speak:

"...Leave the room... Please..."

Naoe gazed at him speechlessly for a while, then slowly bowed and quietly went out.
Takaya did not move.

Naoe looked up at the air shaft as he sensed Takaya's breathing from the back of the door.
The sound of raindrops never ceased.
Coming from the sky, they poured down like iron chess pieces.

*

His head hurt.
Considering a great deal of matters, he was honestly in over his head.
His fatigue increased.
He wanted to lie on his bed for a while, in his own bedroom.
A few weeks ago, he had found it difficult to rest.
However he still could not sleep.
His brain was unwilling to sleep. He had been suffering from insomnia for the past two months.

Before arriving at Aso, Naoe's body could not move at all; however now that he was preoccupied with his anguish over Takaya's spiritual condition, he unwittingly forgot about his weak health. As long as he exploited his soul's energy, it seemed like anything was possible.

On the other hand, if the spirit was weak, the body would be equally frail.

--Until Yami Sengoku came to an end...

You're lying...

That was never the case since early on.
That issue, has never mattered since early on.

Still not feeling sleepy after lying for an hour, Naoe gave up, exhaling as he got up, he sat on his bed, leaning against the wall.

Takaya's spirit was growing weaker by the day.
It would be best if he took advantage of this period when he was still capable of expressing his feelings...
If he continued in this way, his condition would only worsen.
The effect of Kihachi's spell notwithstanding, if this was not handled properly, Kihachi's poison would, with the help of his own negative feelings, easily propagate. When that happens, the first person to crumble would be Takaya himself.

No matter what, he could not delay this until it reached that incurable stage.

But he still could not divulge the truth about his condition yet.

Takaya's condition.
He knew that sooner or later he would have to tell him.
But...

If he told him now, he could not imagine what would happen.

That person would definitely choose death without any hesitation.
He did not want to see Takaya suffer, but, for the sake of making him feel relaxed and allowing him some peace, Naoe could not do that. There was no way he was going to help him commit suicide. It did not matter if he enclosed himself within his heart again, he did not want him to die. No matter what he still hoped that he would live on, despite knowing that he was in great agony.

I can't lose you.

If he exorcised him, they might never see each other again, they might be separated forever.
But if he did not exorcise him,
they would definitely be together for the rest of eternity.

Naoe had difficulty in breathing thus lifted his head towards the air shaft. -- Still not possible.

He still couldn't tell him.

How long did he intend to drag his feet? There was a limit to time. Even though he could not view the outcome, it would soon be too late if he continued to neglect this issue.

But now is not the right time.

--The one who can bring an absolute resolve, was him.

Really? Do you really think this way?
Only one person can make the decision, and didn't Kenshin entrust this to him? Takaya could not do anything about it. For the sake of Kagetora's future, what would be the best course of action to take?

The answer was already there from the very beginning.
What was he still confused about?

I'm only being confused by my own feelings.

Because of my self-centered person?
Is it only -- because of my self-centered person?

Naoe wanted to disperse these thoughts by shaking his head.
Is there really no other way to prevent this? He could not be any less cautious about these irreparable matters. He had to be more prudent with this undertaking than all the choices he has made in the last 400 years.

The so-called caution...

He could not change the future that lay before his eyes.
Naoe shook his head. A wrinkle appeared, creased into his brow, like a scar deeply carved into his skin.

In short, he could not be nervous at this moment, he could not be so nonchalant about it.
In short, now...

All of a sudden he wanted to smoke.

After recovering he had never smoked once because someone had lectured that: It's not good for your health and it will delay your recovery. Of the things that Ayukawa had brought, were whole packets of cigarettes.

Wanting to fetch them, Naoe stood up from his bed.
Just at that moment,
a sound came from the direction of the kitchen, a loud thud of something falling to the ground.

"...!"

Naoe turned his head, dashing from his room like a bullet.

"Takaya-san!"

All sounds were muted.
Takaya was lying beside the kitchen bar.
Scattered on the floor were white pills. A greenish-brown glass bottle rolled from his hand. That was what Ayukawa had brought the last time, Naoe immediately understood what the bottle was.

Sleeping pills...

"Takaya-san! Get a hold of yourself! Takaya-san!"

Even more white pills dropped out of Takaya's hand when he held him up.
The bottle was two-thirds empty.

Suicide...

At that moment, his brain turned blank.
But his body immediately moved into action.
"Takaya-san... get a hold of yourself! Takaya-san! Takaya-san!"

---

Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.

Read More

Book 20 Chapter 04 毒と紅玉

From Chinese translations by 佚.

Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 熊本 Kumamoto; 九州 Kyuushu; 阿玛迪斯 Amadeus; 萨里耶里 Salieri; 大友 Ootomo
PS: do not distribute this without my permission

---

I can't be the person solely responsible for destroying the Uesugi.

The man did not know since when he began to have this idea.
Sitting on a chair by the bedside, Naoe constantly thought about the matter.

Takaya was asleep on the bed. After returning to the room, he had given him some sedatives to calm his spirit. He had stopped crying and was quietly asleep.

In that few hours...?

Looking at Takaya, all sorts of past events floated by in his head.

--The fact that you're here, there must be some kind of significance to it.

Tachibana's family appeared in his heart.
He had severed all contact with them for two years. His family must be unspeakably worried. He hoped that his vivacious mother, who was probably old by now, had not ruined her health by worrying about him. His father and brother, were probably desperately looking for him as well. Possessing this body for 28 years -- these were perhaps the most painful days in 400 years, constantly encouraging himself along, striving to support his own people, what has it all come down to now?

But, I can never return again.

His beloved family, his beloved home. They who paid so much attention to him, such tender people, thinking of them made him sorrowful... his chest ached badly.

I can't go back.

--A person must have meaning in his existence.

His father's words gnawed at his heart; everything that had happened in Kumamoto, the events that followed, what he was doing now, one by one they rotated in his heart.

Naoe laughed slightly.

It's impossible to stage a comeback.

A general without even the smallest merit. The more he thought about it, the more he felt this way. There were very few people who could be capriciously selfish to this extent and any subordinates that fell under his command were really just unlucky. It was inevitable that some would suggest that he had fled due to fear of punishment for failing in his military operations. Abandoning Kenshin's supreme order, "Protect Narita Yuzuru", as well as tossing everything else aside. The general had unexpectedly thrown away his position without any care, spending his days guarding the criminal, looks like the Uesugi should be finished.

What a poor handover.

If Kenshin saw this situation, he would probably sigh.

But, by entrusting the mission to me, sooner or later things would have turned out this way. Shouldn't you have known this beforehand?

One thing that was certain: The main culprit responsible for harming the Uesugi by suppressing his resentment previously and then defecting from his position, was most definitely him.

Naoe laughed at himself. --Piling all the blame on Uesugi, what was he trying to do?

Who knows how many people hate me.

If the Uesugi was destroyed, there would be no way to stop Yami Sengoku. The roars of the vengeful spirits would break up this archipelago, causing many people to be sacrificed...

Had he firmly decided that he was going to be an evil person?

--Have you really decided not to return?
He clearly knew this other voice in his consciousness, coming from his head, it only provided fodder for regret.

In short, everything is my fault.
Including Takaya's current condition. At that time, he should have withdrawn him from Kumamoto, no matter how much energy was required, he should have protected him earlier. But even if he had been on the river leading to island beforehand, what should he have done.

At the very least, he would not have been poisoned by Kihachi.

However, it was because of Takaya's presence that the island of Kyuushu avoided the fate of sinking to the ocean floor.

A great hero who saved the island of Kyuushu.
The other was a defeated general who only knew how to make matters worse...

--Those beneath you have made unpleasant remarks.

Naoe laughed carelessly. Of course those remarks have been made. A commander who conducted himself below standard. Had he witnessed this sort of operation by someone else, he himself would probably be too stunned to even say anything. If one was incapable of becoming a dynamic power and influence as the trump card in stopping Yami Sengoku, all of their plans would be nothing more than just a white sheet of paper.

--A powerless person such as yourself, only needs to obey me.
Really powerless...?

Whatever the reason, a defeat is a defeat. There was nothing more to explain. Just discard all of his failed contrivances from his heart, he had already been struck down.

As expected... this person...
Thwarted his defense barrier,
As expected, it is him.

Whatever Takaya did was correct without question. But he still felt hatred despite knowing this.

The crushing power of Kagetora's strong intensity, was not actually difficult to cope with; the most fearful matter was when he had no counter. However it seems that the problem has been resolved beautifully, without any deliberate intention.

I am still neglected.

When Takaya had come to Kumamoto, he unexpectedly forgot the image of Kagetora the moment he saw how frail he [Takaya] had become. He had probably forgotten that feeling. No, was it contempt?

--If he [Naoe] had been in his [Takaya] shoes, he probably would have had no way of stalling those schemes.

It was the keenness within his [Takaya] heart that gave him strength. The result? He not only foiled those plans, but didn't he save Naoe's life together with everyone else? He had the capacity to outstrip 'Naoe's competence' with just his finger tips.

What was most difficult to accept was that his goal was not 'Taika Rinhou'. It was to prevent the uprising of Kihachi's rebellion, not to defeat Naoe. This had never occurred to him previously.

However, the result was...
Naoe became extremely gloomy.

Kagetora's actions never seem to stem from any bad intent, causing Naoe to feel greater pain from the superficiality of his own good and bad intentions, his level was so low. He became clouded in darkness.

If I wanted to hate him, then I've found the wrong person.

The reason for my defeat lies with my own being.

Tracing the source of the problem, the reason was that 'the foundation of this body made a mistake'. He should have thoroughly investigated the truth behind the 'Golden Snake Head' beforehand, and not just accept Ootomo's words without question. Now that he thought about it, he had been really naive.

Even though he was self-aware, he abhorred having his blunders disclosed by other people.

Let alone be exposed by that 'Kagetora' person.

This sort of resistance was childish. He clearly understood that. He felt fortunate that this was never reported.

All these are just unreasonable antics.

But there was no way of relieving his feelings.

This person was obviously weak...
The more he unveiled his intentions, the more it displayed his narrow-mindedness, such ugliness. A truly miserable being.

Look at him. Two years ago, he had not been able to find a way to settle these troublesome feelings. Nothing has changed. He merely indulged in tall talk.... If only, he could just temporarily forget.

What, are you afraid of people laughing at you in shame?

Naoe laughed at himself.

Why bother about those judgemental people?

The so-called humiliation, was just a small matter.

Witnessing the praise he [Kagetora] received for being a great general, at the same time giving his people hope, this foolish desire began to appear. He [Naoe] strove harder to be adored by the common person, wanting to climb higher. -- When he could only see the form of his [Kagetora] back, his [Naoe] own heart's intentions were more genuine.

What about now? There was no way of accomplishing his excessive desires; be it his men or the Gods, everyone was now looking at him [Naoe].

As long as he had the same amount of appraisal and worship that Kagetora received from the common people, would he feel better?

If he had the people's adulation, would he then be at ease?

He had allowed himself to stoop to this level, misguided by clumsy ambitions. You are honestly...

Rubbish...

He felt a strong dislike whenever he examined his true self. He had been promoted in position, on the surface his disparity appeared to be reduced, he no longer resembled his former appearance of having been constrained, received modest praise, so he must now be relieved. Becoming 'Above Average' was more like being intoxicated with morphine.

Why did he want to be admired so much?

Why did he want the people's recognition?

"Of course I want that..."
Naoe said to himself in a demeaning way.

"Who wouldn't want the people's admiration?"

--You're really full of nonsense.
He heard Kagetora's voice.

Both of us are obviously the same.

But he was plainly not as honest as he portrayed himself to be. He had just too perfect a concealment. He was clearly pretending that he did not harbor such a profane lust, disguising himself with a saintly appearance, deceiving the crowd. The fact was that his original person surprisingly adored vainglory. He had really thought of himself as overly wise. In truth, he was just an ordinary man.

Everyone has been deceived by this person.

Despite this stream of thoughts, humans were not decidedly this shallow. One would already have a considerable degree of substance to be aware of his true self. Just like a mountain, a huge mountain must have a broad base.

He could still identify what was true in the sublime recognition he received to verify his self-worth, his exterior pretense notwithstanding. Going so far as to acknowledge his unmanageable being once again...

That is why he had stuffed his ears, to evade all the occasional flatters from the men without any exceptions. He only had to look at the excessive amount of praise and feel like slaughtering all those people spewing the admiration. He only realized, when he struggled with his pain during the night, how his envy had accumulated like mud.

"No, it's just as confusing as before."

Naoe wrapped his head in his hands.

Was it jealousy or desire that he had for him?

"Maybe it's the outside world that compelled this jealousy."

Because every time he thought of the world, it would cause him suffering.

If I could hide away this person...
If nobody else apart from me could look at him,
If only he was allowed to see his 'perfection',
I won't be wallowing in this nonsense, this hate and misery.

Lock him up.
Monopolizing him, disconnecting him from all mankind.
If just the two of them were left on this earth,
they would no longer be repulsed by all of humanity's conceit, and their hearts would no longer by afflicted by further disintegration.

The Salieri who envied his 'Amadeus'.
Because he was not the man the 'Son of God' sighed for.
For Salieri, if he could allow himself to praise Amadeus' music, everything in the world would change -- to one tune, and perhaps he could never kill Amadeus.

All the noise has disappeared.

No need for any worldly sounds.

All he wanted to hear, was the melody of that soul. Only that.

Lock me in your prison.

Naoe held his face with both of his hands, laughing by himself.

Just analyze yourself and you'll be at peace.

Thinking of this, he looked at Takaya who was fast asleep.
He had become this tragic.

Who was he kidding... All those previous words were really a joke.

Compared with your sorrow...
To what extent had Kagetora been strained? It must have reached the point where he was struggling with grief, hence causing him to enclose within himself.

Enclosing himself within the prison of his heart. Takaya's prison was far darker than Naoe's, and much more profound.
He wanted to submerge into his enclosed heart. Then, at its very depths, Takaya hugged his knees together, tightly.

It's fine if you don't want to return to reality.

Having abandoned the Uesugi yourself, you've also abandoned your existence along with everything else. It doesn't matter to me if you want to maintain this appearance. I won't feel threatened even if you don't do anything. No, it's fine if you threaten me.

That day, when we did not enter the Tsutsuga mirror,
if we had not express ourselves, we would have never found our ideal place.

Both of us should know that.
"It's okay if you don't return."

Naoe held Takaya's cheeks with his hands.

"As long as you're in my hands, everything will be fine."

There was no need for appraisal, no need for powers.

"Just you alone, can save me --"
From the neck to his throat, he pressed his hot lips.
Leaving very slight impressions, like marks.
The iron-clad feelings of desire to enter his heart.

But even if he touched his skin, or kissed his lips, Takaya still had no response. His body was just an empty shell. Kissing him was like caressing a shield, with no way of touching his organs, and even more impossible was reaching into his heart.

Naoe could not control himself and concentrated all his strength on devouring his skin. He did not care about leaving traces behind, his fingernails pressing into Takaya's body.

A smile appeared on his face, and strangely a tear flowed out. How powerless he was. --Himself being able to use enchantments to return from the dead, and yet,

Is there no way to let me into your heart?

"Takaya-san..."

His fingers interlaced with Takaya's, Naoe rested his cheeks on Takaya's left chest. -- How warm.
--A person's body is frighteningly hot in all honesty.
Takaya had once mentioned this.

His heart pounded strongly in agitation.

You're still alive.
Let him feel his own skin, his own body. This body was not a replaceable object.
Your soul is here within your body.

Naoe deeply kissed his chest. Pouring out all of his life's fiery power. In the 19 years that Takaya's body has matured, even if Naoe did not know his age, his heart would still beat fervently for it.

As if wanting to leave a vestige with his kisses.

On his chest.

Could he feel this heat? His body, previously fast asleep, shook for the first time. Like a current of electricity had passed his heart.

It's working...

He continued to engrave him more strongly. From his right chest to his shoulder to his collarbone, from his waist to his stomach... Takaya's head moved a little. Naoe's cheeks rubbed against his torso, his palms touching his skin all over his body. In order to bring Takaya out from his prison. Takaya, once again, shook violently. Finally, his hands came to the soft fruits. Grasping, like he was holding his soul in his hands. To be connected with the part of this person's, Ougi Takaya's, future...

A person's existence is tied to the future.

Naoe thought. For us to continue to possess, there must be some kind of significance in reproduction for us to exist.

Only, your sperm has remained in so many people's bodies...

Spiritual sperm...

A person's reproduction does not only include the body. A soul can also reproduce. That has nothing to do with gender. Every individual has sperm, every individual has eggs, each person could mutually inseminate and become pregnant, and give birth to a spiritual infant.

History was created in this way.

My spirit has always been violated by you...

He stroked away the strands of hair on Takaya's forehead,

Once a sperm has attached itself, a great deal of waves will be born.

Even though the both of us could never physically mate...
We have continued to reproduce spiritually.

I love you...

Naoe had exceedingly sentimental fondness for Takaya's heart. Takaya's lips were slightly opened, the soft sounds of his moaning slipping from his mouth.

He can feel it--. This honest response from Takaya, caused his heart to overflow with tender affection. His intense love overwhelmed all of his pain, feeling his chest bursting as if it was suddenly released from a clutch, tears began to fall. Takaya opened his mouth, seemingly in response, his brow gradually knitted together.

"Takaya-san..."

Naoe's kissing gradually became fierce, his fingers more stubbornly tormented Takaya. Madly calling his name like a musical ensemble, the piece of flesh in his hands increased in mass, as if crying in response to the heat in Naoe's blood, growing hard.

"It's enough. Staying here is fine. Just you and I for the rest of eternity...!"

--In the private room of this paradise.

Releasing a gloomy moan, Takaya unconsciously twisted or perhaps lifted his waist, his hands tightly gripping his pillow. His breath was hot as if he was having an obscene dream, Takaya painfully gasped for air.

"...become a slave, you will be saved..."

Pouring in warm mutterings, Naoe's moist fingers continued to stroke.

"Freedom would only bring suffering, become a slave and you'll be saved."

Takaya looked as if he was going to weep as he wrinkled his eyebrows, convulsing as he lifted his jaw. Naoe's gaze was burning as he whispered in a dreamy manner.

"If you're suffering then come out. Spill everything out."

If he could not reveal himself. If he needed someone to forcefully excavate him.

"You can't take it anymore, right. I will make you comfortable."

Takaya issued a soundless wail.
At the same time he released, Naoe's hand filled with a warm liquid. Takaya was gasping for air intensely; his body, stripped of all of its strength, lay paralyzed on the bed. The semen that shot onto Naoe's hand was like the crystallization of his soul's suffering.

For a long time, Naoe gazed at him.
Takaya slowly opened his eyes. Up until now, he had never seemed truly awake. His empty sight reflected Naoe's face. All of a sudden,

"!"

Naoe's chest was forcefully pushed away, Takaya rose quickly, fleeing to the other end of the bed. He quivered unceasingly.

He was afraid.
"Ah.. Ah......"

"Takaya-san."

Calling him as he approached, Takaya's face stiffened as he cowered in fright.

"Don't touch me... Don't anyone touch me..."

He has finally said something.

Naoe widened his eyes. From his comatose state to his regaining consciousness in these two months, this was the first time he uttered something. But his appearance was rather strange.

"What do... all of you... take me for... All of you... all of you..."

Who is he referring to?
Naoe did not understand.
What is he talking about?

"I definitely won't... I won't surrender... definitely won't... shame Hojo's name..."

"Takaya-san..."

"Don't come any closer!"

Naoe froze. Takaya looked like a child in immense fear.

"Save me... brother..."

Is he recalling the time when he was with the Hojo?

This was Kagetora before he met Naoe. The time when he was still called Saburou.

Why?

"...I'm not your enemy. I won't do anything."

Takaya did not believe him.

"What did I do to frighten you? Why?"

Takaya was extremely nervous, getting caught up within his fear to the extent that he was no longer paying attention. Seeing this, Naoe immediately held onto his hand. Takaya, wanting to escape, used his strength to pull away from him. In the struggle, Takaya fell backwards on the bed, backing himself against the wall.

"Stop... stop it... Why... are you always pursuing me..."

"Takaya-san..."

"Let me... go. It doesn't matter... if it isn't me..."

"As far as I'm concerned, I only want you!"

Takaya shrank into a corner.

"I won't do anything. I won't force you anymore. I won't do anything, trust me."

"Help..."

"Okay... okay. I won't do anything, don't be afraid. I'm just heading towards your side."

"No..."

"I just want to be by your side. You can just stay where you are!"

Takaya could no longer endure it and recited an incantation. Sparks sharply dispersed in front of his [Naoe] eyes, at the same time his cheeks felt a burning sensation of pain. Blood began to flow from the abrasion on his extended hand as a result of the spell.

Turning his head, he saw that Takaya was emitting static electricity all around. But Naoe was hardly afraid and moved closer to Takaya.

"!"

At that moment, the incantations flared up all over the room, but then immediately faded away. Takaya, wanting to escape, had been subdued and toppled on the bed. Takaya struck his head however he did not seem to react to the pain. Naoe pinned him down as Takaya, in a confused state of mind, continued to struggle.

"Nobody is going to come no matter how many times you call. Even if someone did, they won't be able to help you."

"Someone -- save me!"

"Let me help you forget this desperation."

"Ah...Ah..."

Burying his face into the curvature of his neck, his lips ardently pasted kisses on his skin. Takaya trembled and then his body went stiff. With the soft, moist object flowing all over his body, he felt his consciousness drifting afar.
He dully looked up at the air shaft.

"Father..."

Naoe's entire body shook, pausing in his actions.
Takaya's line of sight traced the interior of the room as he mumbled in a hoarse voice.

"Father--"

Naoe looked at Takaya closely. Takaya's eyes were not gazing at anything in the room, he was looking beyond the air shaft, to a high, distant, unreachable place.

"Save... me..."

"..."

"...why..."

"Kagetora-sama."

"Why... wasn't I... good enough..."

Naoe's face turned pale. Takaya uttered delicately.

"400 years... Is 400 years insufficent proof... Was I... unreliable..."

"Takaya-san..."

"My... 400 years..."

"Enough."

Naoe shook his head.

"It's enough, Takaya-san."

"My... 400 years..."

"Enough! Don't think of anything anymore!"

He could not bear it any longer and shouted out.
"Kenshin-kou is not going to answer you! He won't answer you anymore! So look at me! Look at me who's here right now!"

He [Naoe] was no longer reflected in his [Takaya] eyes.

"Look at me. Don't think of anything, just look at me. Just look at me!"

Tears began to flow out of Takaya's eyes, as if still wanting to say more, his mouth moving a little, however there was no sound. Naoe could not restrain himself anymore, and used his own lips to forcefully seal Takaya's mouth.

"Nnnhh...."

Refusing to let him open his mouth, as though he wanted to swallow Kihachi's poison altogether. Controlling poison with poison. There was a far greater poison adorned in his heart.

"You won't suffer. So yearn for me, just yearning for me is good enough."

Takaya, wanting to breathe, evaded his lips, but Naoe chased him with determination. No way to speak and unable to think. Feeling very much like being ravished by a hungry beast, Takaya struggled frantically. He could not think of anything else.

"Yearn for me. I've always desired you... desiring you alone."

The sound issued from his [Takaya] mouth changed into a ringing whimper.

Peeling off his clothes to reveal his naked self, he used his teeth to nip at his body, as though he wanted to gnaw right to the bone. Naoe, absorbed in his lust, wrapped himself around Takaya's waist.

"Ah!"

The chaos in his mind gradually disappeared. Originally struggling, his arms lost their strength and dropped onto the bed. His jaw was upturned as a result of Naoe's actions.

He felt like a prey whose body was being swallowed by a beast in the tropical jungle.

Takaya mumbled as he felt his consciousness being severely corroded by a fever.

"...who..."

"..."

"Who... is holding me..."

Naoe slowly raised his head.

"...a man who has returned from the Netherworld."

"..."

"Because of my boundless love for you, I killed the sentry at the gates of Hell to return to you."

Takaya's eyes quivered slightly.

"Netherworld..."

Naoe silently gazed at him.
Takaya closed his eyes, not long after his true sight slowly returned.

This smell...

He was finally alert, to this cherished scent. The smell aroused his memories. He felt at ease but he was still apprehensive. The slight scent of perspiration however, was soothing and had a calming effect on Takaya.

The one who possessed the body of Tachibana Yoshiaki,

Only that one person...
"..."
Takaya's lips parted.
As if to call that person's name.

Naoe nodded, his eyes brimming with affection.
Then he cuddled him in an embrace.

It's the same...

Takaya's health was affirmed.

It was the same pair of arms that had embraced him in the flames.
He felt the hot tears on his [Naoe] cheeks.

In the room, the two of them were silent in reunion...

---

Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.

Read More

Book 20 Chapter 03 真夜中の鳥たち

From Chinese translations by 佚.

Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 鬼八 Kihachi; 吉江 Yoshie; 鲶川 Ayukawa; 色部 Irobe; 男体山 Nan-tai san; 怨念 onnen (grudge/malice/hatred); 不動明王/不动明王 Fudoumyouou (Acala / Acalanatha Vidya-raja / The Immovable, a manifestation of Mahavairocana - Buddhist deity); 辉炎石 kien ishi (luminous flame stone); 靈山 Mount. Reizan; ryoku (energy/power)
PS: Do not distribute this without my permission.

---

Ougi Takaya looked towards him. Naoe held his gaze, holding the door open as he pushed the trolley in, slowly approaching him.
"It's not very good for your health to let the wind blow too much at your body."

After securing the trolley, he closed the glass window. The window curtains that were originally moving in cascades in a lively manner, became stationary. Thereafter, nothing moved in the room.

"I've boiled some soup. Not eating anything is detrimental to your health. Drink this while it's still hot."

Takaya's forlorn eyes looked towards the outside once again.

"Takaya-san."

Even when he called him, there was no answer.

He probably did not hear Naoe's words as he gazed callously out the window.

Takaya had been in this state for the past few days.

Enclosed within himself, day after day, always sitting on the bed. Even though he had recovered consciousness and was alive, he behaved like someone suffering from dementia, as he sat without any expression on his face.

He never ate once.

"No appetite?"

Takaya was silent.

"Just eat a little, otherwise your body won't be able to support itself any longer."

He continued to gaze outside.

Naoe stood between the window and Takaya, looking at Takaya silently. Then he suddenly moved towards Takaya, his hand reaching for his forehead. Midway,
"!"

There was an unexpected response. Takaya, alarmed, forcefully pushed his hand away.

Naoe looked at Takaya in astonishment. Takaya's right eye was suffused with a murderous look, staring at Naoe.

Left side

He did not allow him to stand on his left side because of his left eye, which was covered with a gauze. He was simply a wounded wild beast. Even though he was in a dazed predicament, Takaya still shot a look of askance at Naoe, using only his right eye. Naoe slowly shifted.
This unexpected look of warning.
He felt a hair-raising sensation all over his body. Just by looking at him, he felt like he could not breathe.

"I only wanted to check if you have a fever."
Naoe explained.

"Why are you so wary?"

"..."

"What are you afraid of?"

Like a tide ebbing away, the forceful gaze faded from Takaya's eyes. He reverted back to his expressionless face, his dull eyes, once again, looking out towards the porch.

Outside, the moonlight was obstructed by the proliferating mist, which filtered out bizarre colors that diffused across the thicket of trees.

After that, Takaya was no longer facing Naoe. In order to feed him, Naoe had no choice but to sit beside him. Even though the bed sank slightly under his body weight, there was no response from Takaya.

"Would you turn around?"
Naoe said as he unfolded the napkin for Takaya, placing the bowl of soup on his knee. Then he scooped a spoonful.
"Just for a little while."

Takaya only looked out the window.

There should not be anything interesting on the outside.

Naoe's heart filled with ache, seeing Takaya in this manner. Naoe drew out his hand in a non-threatening manner and gently caressed Takaya's hair.

A light rasping sound, cherishing the feeling of that touch, his fingers running through the smoothness. Even so, Takaya remained emotionless. He had always been fond of having someone comb his hair in this way. Just by stroking his hair, he would usually display a very gratified appearance... that should be the way.
"..."

Naoe bent his fingers and calmly tucked them in a fist.
"Takaya-san..."

Naoe grasped Takaya's jaw, turning his face towards him. Despite trying to feed the soup into his mouth, the liquid only wet Takaya's lips and flowed down at the sides.

But he could not give up. Takaya had not eaten anything for two days.

Naoe filled some soup into his mouth while holding Takaya's jaw in his hand. It was not easy opening Takaya's mouth as he used his own lips to feed Takaya.
It did not work the first time. After three tries, he could hear Takaya finally swallowing. When his lips separated, his [Takaya] vision went askew. Takaya looked at him with apathetic eyes. He [Naoe] alone had the intense sight, but none existed in these eyes [Takaya]. Like a fish out of water.

He gave him another mouthful. This time, he overdid it due to his frustration, and had to pat his [Takaya] back to avoid choking. Then he continued to feed Takaya using this method. Takaya did not show any signs of wanting more nor did he reject.

It was like tending to a child, wiping away the smear on the edge of his lips, then helping him to change his shirt. After all was done, Takaya returned to his state of staring out the window.

"...If you need anything, just press this bell. I'll be in the room next door."

There was no answer.

Naoe cleared the trolley and left the room.
The sound of the door closing echoed from the four corners of the walls.
In the silence, green rays of light coldly entered the room.

*

In the dead of the night.
The hands of the clock indicated an hour past midnight.
Naoe remained in the kitchen without turning on the lights, spreading the cooking utensils in the basin, only soaking them in water without washing them, then took out a bottle of mineral water from the fridge.

He was very thirsty.

-- You can't go on like this without eating.
Don't put in so much.
He had not eaten anything himself. Even though he did not drink, he nibbled on a dry biscuit, from what was left of their food stores.
He did ponder over the matter himself, what would happen without the staple meal of rice, but the fact was that he had no appetite. Taking care of Takaya consumed a considerable amount of his energy, his heart and body were utterly wearied such that he did not feel any hunger.

--It was truly troublesome.
Remembering Ayukawa's words, Naoe laughed bitterly.
Even with this unexpected tiredness, he still had not gotten anywhere in terms of recovery.
He sat on the bar stool.

The mineral water in the cup, reflecting the events of that day like a movie screen.

The sound of Takaya's cry, including,
the red lotus blaze...
During that time----
The flames released from Takaya had engulfed the crater of Mt. Naka-dake like a tsunami.
Kihachi, utilizing their final strength, had struck with all of their resentment, then transformed into a black flame that escaped Takaya's body. The one race of Kihachi, scattering out in four streams of particles, inducing a surge of a myriad of feelings within Takaya, resonating, cracking and finally a large, concentrated amount of power that uncovered his deepest memories.

In that frozen moment in time, as if his knowledge was suddenly recovered, like the reel of a tape relieved from its static condition, Takaya's feelings unraveled within the frames of memories as they started to move.

If he had continued in this frenzy, his spirit would have been thoroughly destroyed. He would have died from insanity as everyone had feared.

At that time... when he was about to be submerged in the fires, Naoe had hastily rushed towards him, embracing him.

If he had waited a little longer...

He may not have been able to save him.

Takaya's blaze, astonishing in temperature and intensity, had swallowed everyone around him. His unstoppable power, overflowing from the loss of control, had rebelled against everything.

It had been simply Hell. The sea of fire that had emanated from him not only burnt friend and foe but Takaya himself.
When he had been rescued from the blaze, he had sustained severe burns to his back. Not even Naoe's care could fully remove all of the burns. Takaya, completely defenseless, had incurred a considerable amount of damage to most of his body.

He did not know if he had really saved him.

However Takaya was not dead.

It was not a miracle that helped him to salvage his life, it was because of the kien ishi. At that time, the kien ishi had not fully disappeared. It was the 'people of the Fire Sign', who employed a system of crystallizing volcanic ryoku, who had saved Takaya. After penetrating through the sea of flames, Naoe had brought Takaya out from the volcano's crater.

But he did not return to Yoshie's company.

Naoe had specifically descended the mountain in another direction, taking Takaya into hiding in the lava caves near the foot of the hills and there he had called Ayukawa for help.

He placed the communicator he had used at that time on the bar table. From the rays of light infiltrating the dark room he could see the shape of its exterior; during those desperate times, he would receive an urgent signal every time he opened the device. He had entrusted the communicator to Ayukawa.

Telling him that, if the device sounded,
--hide it from everyone else, come and look for me.
He could not give the communicator to Irobe, not even Hakkai. Ayukawa was an old friend. Because he knew when to choose a 'friend' over his 'leige', Naoe had entrusted it to him.

Ayukawa had come as according to their promise.
--I thought I could not make it in time.
Ayukawa had recalled the circumstances that transpired between the two of them.
--I was thinking someone had committed suicide out of love.
This train of thought was not unreasonable. It was not easy looking for Naoe, searching until his muscles were spent, he [Naoe] was unconscious when he [Ayukawa] finally found them. With both of their clothes ragged, Naoe had been leaning against a rock, holding onto Takaya in a protective manner. Takaya, badly injured, had seemed sound asleep looking like he was dead.


No one in the Uesugi army knew of the hideout, a mountain lodge, that Ayukawa had prepared. Nearby was Mt. Reizan where monastic activities were often carried out, the land was a very suitable place for recuperation. Even though the amount of fresh air could not be compared to Mt. Nan-tai, it was sufficient for this short period of time.

When Naoe was there he almost immediately awakened but Takaya remained comatose for a month. He had looked after Takaya while he himself was recovering. Fortunately, the course of events went smoothly. Originally, he thought that a skin transplant would be needed to replace the scalded areas but the kien ishi was still effective. He seemed to have healed completely. When the kien ishi was finished, all the scars had almost disappeared, only a few remained on his shoulder.

But the problem did not lie in the burns.

He never expected him to turn out like this.

Naoe drifted in and out of consciousness as he held on to the glass cup.

The problem was, Kihachi's onnen. When Kihachi was about to be exorcised within the circle of light, not all of the malice that had struck Takaya's body had been removed.
He only realized this when Takaya had regained consciousness.

They had stayed at the hideout for a full 40 days. Even though Naoe hardly slept or rested as he watched over Takaya, occasionally he did leave to change towels, and Takaya had awakened while he was away.

Once conscious, Takaya only gazed at the porch in a dazed manner.

It had been a clean and sunny morning. He would often open the window slightly to let some fresh air into the room. On the wooden porch, a few wild birds would rest and chirp in song. Occasionally, a rabbit would appear on the porch, as if it was waiting for Takaya to awaken.

Takaya had dimly looked at the rabbit.
Suddenly, the rabbit threw up blood,
consequently, writhed in pain until it died.

The same happened with the wild birds.
One by one, they all died.

When Naoe had returned, the porch had been stained with blood, the lifeless bodies of small animals scattered all over. Takaya had been stupefied.

--Takaya-san...

Hearing Naoe, Takaya's line of sight had shifted towards him.
In that moment, Naoe's heart beat differently, as if a spear of air had ripped into his insides. Even though he had immediately braced himself in defense, he still had no idea what was going on. Raising his head, Naoe saw the unthinkable.

Kihachi's onnen, centralized in an unimaginable area.
Takaya's left eye...

His left eye was unusual. The black pupil had turned bright red.
Very much like a red gem. A naked red that looked as if it had been dyed by the scarlet lotus flames.
Feeling his gaze upon him, Naoe had felt as if his body was being invaded by a poison. If he had not prepared himself, he would have vomited blood and fainted. Naoe had looked at Takaya while he desperately fought against the urge to throw up.

Takaya had wavered. He had looked over with an expression that cried for help. But then his face went rigid almost immediately.

At the same time, he had recognized the man before him as 'Naoe Nobutsuna'.

Takaya had become terrified.

I've frightened him...

Takaya had been raided by a wave of terror and shock. His hands had covered his mouth as a wordless cry of grief escaped his lips.

--Takaya-san...!

The person who had died at Hagi city now stood before his very eyes...

Takaya, caught within his chaotic feelings, had shook his head violently, only shouting for him to stay away, as he retreated backwards on his bed. Naoe had gritted his teeth as he approached him tolerating the increase in poison from Takaya's focus.

Takaya's spirit had been broken the moment Naoe had firmly held him down to prevent him from escaping.

His mouth half-open, he had sunk into an inattentive state.

Even though his eyes had lost their focus, poison continued to be discharged.
Enduring the pain raging within his heart, Naoe had embraced Takaya.

Takaya's eyes had merely remained opened.

Thinking that he probably would not hear anything if he had spoken to him, he had only embraced him.

Let him know that, he did not die. That he was truly alive at this very moment.
Let him hear his own heart beat, feel his arm's strength, feel his body's heat, conveying everything to him.

It did not matter how long they stayed this way.


Takaya's left eye was now wrapped in a bandage. A gauze sanctified with a Fudoumyouou incantation was placed beneath.

He never expected him to become like this.

Naoe rested his elbow on the bar table, his hand clasping his forehead.

The light emitted from his demonic eye could kill small living creatures. Even though the dose of Kihachi's onnen managed to explosively recover his memories, he never expected that his body would be permanently damaged. Before the onnen died, Takaya's body had been turned into a poisonous container of its malice.

Now that he thought about it, the kien ishi was strangely similar, perhaps it was somehow related to Kihachi. Because the kien ishi was, like Kihachi, produced from the same spiritual stone by the 'people of the Fire Sign'.

After further observations, he found that the poison not only resided in his vision, every part of his body secreted the poison even though it was most conspicuous in his left eye. His breath, voice -- everything that came from his body was contaminated with Kihachi's onnen.

Of course, he had initially tried to remove it by purification, along with other alternatives within his ability, however his efforts were in vain.

Even though the poison was now concentrated in his left eye, and prevented from diffusing out, he was still afraid that his other organs would injure all the living creatures outside should Takaya's spiritual condition fall into chaos.

The form of the onnen inhabited Takaya's body even though Kihachi's soul had disappeared. Whether it would inflict harm on other people depended on Takaya's spiritual predicament. Even though the situation was now calm, he did not know when this would be disrupted. If that occurred, Naoe would be in danger. Thinking about it, Takaya was like an effervescent vessel of sulphuric acid, dangerous in its unpredictability, not knowing when it may explode. It was impossible for him to come in contact with other people like this.

Thinking up to this point, Naoe laughed painfully.
Impossible for him to come into contact with anyone?
Self-enclosed, like a doll...


Hearing the dripping sound of water, Naoe lifted his eyes. The tap head was probably loose. The sound of the water drops pulsed at a slower rhythm than the heartbeat.
The adjacent room was still silent.
Looks like this would be a very long night.
Even separated by a door, he could still feel his breath.

As long as we stay here, I alone will sustain all the damage.
With just Naoe alone, there was no need to worry about Takaya injuring others.

Even if both our bodies were enclosed here...
As long as the two of them could be together...

Naoe covered his eyes with his hands, mocking himself. Takaya had already become like this. There was no answer whenever he called him, and he never talked. Completely locked within himself.

Has his suffering, deepened to this extent?
He was too naive. And he thought that just by knowing himself to be still alive, he could be saved. This man, was he [Naoe] so narcisstic? Using that sort of attitude to coerce him [Takaya].

Were you expecting this sort of appearance?
Even if he [Takaya] lost his body, lost his limbs, as long as he was by his [Naoe] side, everything was fine. As long as he could touch him, the appearance did not matter.

Are you happy this way?
He would rather live with this appearance than be apart...

He would rather continue like this.

"..."

For how many days, had he sat by his pillow, watching Takaya as he thought.

The same nights, the same room, his soul was here.
The faces of Irobe and Yoshie appeared in his mind, so clearly that he could not ignore them. He could not help but scoff at himself. The expressionless mask that he wore, was precisely a convenient weapon he used to drive away the voice of his own conscience.

You're inherently cold.
No plans to return.
Uesugi Kagetora and Naoe Nobutsuna have died. That should be fine.
Hiding from Irobe and all of them, sheltering Takaya.

To live out the rest of his life with just the two of them. In the deep mountains, with no need to see anyone, with no need to have contact with the world, taking care of Takaya as he quietly lived. How long had he hoped for this sort of life? This place was already peaceful, sharing the land with many animals, and there was a beautiful lake nearby. In summer the fireflies would dance about, in autumn one could hear the call of insects, in winter the white snow would transform the birch trees into a pearly forest. In this beautiful place, Kagetora would only belong to him. No one else would disturb him, he would not be threatened, just the two of them living out their lives together.

Kagetora's eyes would shine, only for him.

There should be so much to be happy about. Just forget about this world and everyone else...

--If you're confused by this matter, you shouldn't waste any more time by being here right?
...Yes, that's right.
Naoe replied to his memories.
I understand, Ayukawa.
Naoe laughed hollowly at his rapidly fading delusions, lying down.
There was no way of forgetting. -- He only comforted himself slightly by weaving baseless fantasies.

Even if he drowned himself in his indulgences, he could not escape from reality.

There's no way of forgetting.

If possible, he really wanted to forget.
On display in the cabinet, was a bottle of foreign wine.
It would be good if he could borrow the wine to forget. But the beguiling power of wine was only momentary, he still had no way of evading reality. Knowing that it was just a meaningless approach, Naoe did not drink. His capacity for liquor was not strong anyway, he would not completely know if he was drunk, moreover the road leading from intoxication always culminated at a dead end.

Alcohol was useless. What he could rely on, was his modest but stable vigor.
-- Before it was too late... Naoe grabbed his hair, covering his face.
Wallowing in all these absurdities, the time had passed so quickly.
If this continues, Kihachi's poison will consume Takaya, his destruction would be similar to setting him on fire.

He just couldn't grasp where the limit was.
If he continued to be confused... it would soon be too late.
He obviously knew, however he could not make up his mind. He was extremely aware of the current situation.
He understood better than anyone else in the world.

Inspecting his hands as he crossed them, Naoe was uneasily grinding his teeth in misery.

I can't do this...
But there was no one else besides him. He could not move his own hands. Yet there was no way he would let another person do this. Absolutely no way. Because he knew this, Kenshin had entrusted his full powers to Naoe. Because he could not do this himself, he absolutely could not let anyone else handle it.

If there was really a God who controlled people's fates in heaven, I will definitely kill him with my own hands.

Naoe's entire body shook. The price for being allowed to live for 400 years was that these words should never be spoken. A person did not decide at will that he would live for 400 years. It would be better to say that he hated this sort of life. But,

Why are the heavens especially cruel to this person?

Naoe's jaw locked, from the spaces between his fingers, he looked up into the air with hateful eyes. His right hand reached into his pocket for a few pills and placed them into his mouth. Chewing on the pills, he stared at the unseen entity, with malice.

The time flowed by without any situation.
He obviously knew，but only let the time passed without doing anything, his guilty conscience was already pricking.
He obviously knew, however...
There was no way of stopping time.
In this entrapment, even if there was a way to stop time...
The black night veiled his face, surrounding the melancholy man.
The man groaned.
At the same time, swallowing the venom called 'Time'.


It was as if the birds knew that dawn was approaching.
He did not know when the forests began to resound with the song of the wild birds. The Eastern sky was still dark, but a small part of it was diluted with red. This period of the sunrise was the most beautiful.
Owing to exhaustion, Naoe had slept for a little while on the bar table. However, he was very sensitive to sounds as a result of his anxiety.

There was the creaking of a window opening.

Takaya-san...?

His eyes snapped open and he immediately stood up, opening the room door. The window was ajar.
Takaya had walked to the porch barefooted.

"Takaya-san..."

Takaya had never once gone outdoors, what was he paying attention to? Standing on the porch, he daftly gazed at the thicket of trees swaying in the mist.

Taking his sleeping gown, Naoe walked up behind him. Originally thinking he had returned to normal, he realized that something was still not right. His eyes were still half-open; his look, apathetic.

"...Did you want a breath of fresh air?"
Naoe approached him.

"You could catch a cold like this. It would be better to put on some outdoor clothes."
Candidly saying this, he covered his shoulders with his sleeping gown. Takaya's head was inclined, as if paying attention to something.

The cool air surrounded the area.
Clouds of mist floated past the cluster of trees. There was a freshness about the soil and the green atmosphere. The forest was overflowing with unpolluted elements.

The birds seemed to know that dawn was approaching.
The white birch forest was resonating with chirps. The cuckoos were singing.
Takaya seemed like he was listening to the cuckoos.

At this moment, a small bird fluttered onto the railing of the porch. It was a strawberry finch that lived in the vicinity. The tuft of feathers on its head made it appear as if it was wearing a red hat. A really adorable wild bird. Probably inhabiting a nearby nest. This species of bird did not often come in close proximity with humans. However, this bird was not afraid of people. It skipped about on the railing using its delicate legs, tweeted and danced in front of Takaya. Takaya's reaction was child-like. A small radiance emanated from his eyes as he stretched his hand towards the finch.

"!...Takaya-san, no!"

It was too late, the finch threw up blood.

Takaya's entire body went stiff. The bird flapped its wings as it fell onto the ground, going into spasms and was soon motionless. It was dead.

Again...

The left eye was covered up. But a small measure of Kihachi's poison always leaked through. The amount was harmless to people but enough to kill small creatures. Once he looked at an object, the visual would connect with his consciousness and stimulate the release. Once Kihachi's poison had been released, something would be invaded. Takaya placidly regarded the bird that was now a corpse.

"Takaya-san..."
Naoe stopped in mid-sentence.

Takaya, in shock and staring dumbly, slowly turned his head as if he was thinking of something.

"Takaya-san!"

Takaya ran out. With his bare feet he swiftly ran down the steps of the porch. Naoe, extremely startled, chased after him. Even though the sleeping gown on his shoulders had slipped off, Takaya did not pay any attention to it.

"Where are you going? Takaya-san!"

Grabbing a hold onto his arm, his grip was promptly flung off. Takaya ran into the dense mist that surrounded the area. This mist was an artificial one, a spiritual fog that can confuse a person. If one lacking in skill entered, he would become lost and not find a way out. This was to conceal the existence of the mountain lodge.

"No, Takaya-san!"

Naoe caught up with Takaya who was unwilling to stop, and strongly wrapped his arms around Takaya from behind, holding him.

"Don't go there, you won't be able to come back."

"..."

Initially thinking that Takaya would struggle, he found no resistance, he only stood there helplessly. Looking at his face, Naoe got a fright.

Tears were streaming down his face.

"Takaya-san..."

He cried without any sound.

Naoe could not say anything. Unable to endure the sorrow surging within his heart, Naoe tightly embraced Takaya.

Takaya cried without any expression on his face.

Naoe pressed his face against Takaya's hair, however Naoe did not close his eyes. His shoulders shaking intensely, his cheeks feeling the texture of his hair, he groaned. The muffled sound of his groans escaped his lips even though he desperately tried to control himself.

Why did the world always force Takaya like this?

Please, stop...

Naoe denounced in his heart.

Isn't it enough?

Why couldn't he be allowed just a small measure of happiness? Why couldn't this small matter be granted? Takaya could not carry on living in this sort of condition. If just being close a living being was a sin, Takaya will not have any other way out. The door to his heart will never open again.

What has this person ever done?

Takaya, like a doll, only looked out impassively.

He only wanted to bravely live his life!

He squeezed around his arms more tightly.
No one answered Naoe's appeals, there was only the hollow mist starting to fade away.
His body was warm, he could feel his heartbeat.

Am I, not good enough?
Had he no way of easing his suffering?
Was there no meaning to whatever he did?
Takaya did not answer.
The morning dew from the grass wet his bare feet.

Showing no discomfort in the cold climate, he continued to stare at the forest without emotion.

---

Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.

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