From Chinese translations by Hinako.
Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes:
PS: do not distribute this without my permission
It seemed like it had been snowing for quite some time, no wonder it was so tranquil.
Sitting by the kotatsu wearing a yukata, calculating the day's expenses, Naoe placed the PDA to one side and softly closed his accounts notebook.
Nearby was Aizu's Lake Inawashiro, an onsen among the mountains, he had heard that the snowfall this year was low. The lady boss of the ryokan had said that the sparse amounts of fallen snow had almost been completely melted away by the sunny and cloudless weather for the past several days, business for the ski resort had become extremely difficult.
This ryokan, managed by a friend of the Tachibana family, appeared to be among some of the most famous inns in this region. Each and every one of the rooms in the hotel had their own distinctive construct, several tearooms had also been built. If one really wanted to stay on, each night would cost thousands. It would be fairly acceptable to occasionally celebrate the New Year in a place like this, that was why they had traveled such a distance to this location. However, because of the people participating in this outing, it was now apparently impossible to welcome the first month of the New Year peacefully in this quiet, luxurious ryokan.
Obliging Ayako's request, everyone had rushed to the karaoke box, for this reason the room had finally returned to this precious moment of tranquility.
At last, some peace and quiet...
The rare atmosphere of the onsen had also disappeared without a trace. As a result of the arrival of that group of guys who loved bustling about noisily in excitement, it was no longer reasonable to expect a peaceful start to the new year. Thinking in this way, Naoe, who had remained in the room by himself, sighed and looked up at the grid pattern of the ceiling. However, if he had remained in his own home, he would have to tide that especially punctilious type of a New Year festival with his parents and relatives, wasn't the situation here still much better in comparison?
Even so, it seemed as though he was not fated to have a calm and restful New Year. Judging by the looks of things, they would probably return at around midnight. How nice would it be if they could just politely go to sleep in their futon after returning. In any case, they would definitely have a drinking session in the room. Now was the only opportunity for a moment of placidity.
He looked out the window at the flower garden on the opposite side. The outside appeared to be rather chilly. Naoe immediately closed the fusuma as the cold air had begun to bite at his neck.
At that very moment.
The sound of the opening of the sliding door came from the entrance, Naoe turned around.
"Takaya-san...?"
Walking into the room, Takaya peeled the ryokan's short outdoor coat off his yukata. He should have been out with Chiaki and the rest at the karaoke, but it seemed like he had returned early, by himself.
"You are back. It's still so early. What happened to Haruie and the others?"
Takaya had an angry face, he snuggled into the kotatsu.
"Are you okay?"
"Seriously, why do those guys have such low alcohol capacity? I won't bother with them again. They end up like this every single time, that's why I came back."
Crying out in this way, Takaya took the orange on the table and started to peel it. Judging from his appearance, he was most likely annoyed with Ayako, he had seen several times how she would make a scene of herself when drunk. Ayako's inebriated behavior was known to all.
"I hate drunks for this very reason. I don't care. No matter what, I won't drink with those guys again!"
"...Looks like you suffered considerably."
"All because you didn't come along! Those guys didn't listen to me at all!"
"They can only behave informally during the time of the New Year, perhaps you could pardon them on these grounds?"
"I'm angry because they behave like this even when it isn't the New Year. What were you doing just now?"
"Calculating money." Saying this, Naoe placed the accounts PDA beside the chair. "The travel costs and other expenses, I wish to provisionally relocate funds from home for our expenditure."
"The real estate company's funds right? No harm in that."
"Do you want something to drink? I can make tea right away."
"Beer."
"... Takaya-san."
"It's okay! It's no fun drinking with someone who's already drunk."
"So drinking with someone who is sober is more entertaining? That isn't the point."
A wry smile appeared on Naoe's face, making Takaya a little angry. In Takaya's opinion, if he was with someone who did not have a good amount of self control, the other party would usually be the first to get drunk. Consequently, he would be forced to look after that drunkard, as a result he scarcely had any pleasant memories of drinking with other people.
Even if not for this reason, Takaya was once completely opposed to the idea of alcohol as during his days in secondary school he had personally witnessed his father's shameful antics when he was drunk. (Although he could not drink in the first place as he was not an adult yet) From his acceptance of beer after all those troubles, could it be said that Takaya's estrangement from his father had eventually melted away?
Thinking of this matter, Takaya's eyes fluttered to a distant location.
Naoe looked at the side of Takaya's face.
The two of them were silent, the room suddenly quietened down, there was only the distinctive sound of the heater. The faint sounds of the karaoke originated from the direction of the main building.
For a brief period of time, the two of them listened to the silence among the mountains in this way.
Takaya took notice of his line of sight.
"What?"
Naoe lowered his head and smiled. "Nothing. It feels as though I am having a dream, being together with you in this way."
"Dream? Idiot. What are you saying? You're exaggerating right."
"How about going to the onsen again? The onsen water here is rich and gentle, I was told that no matter how many times you soak yourself in it you would not feel uncomfortable. It would be nice to watch the snowy scenery from the outdoor baths."
"There's an outdoor onsen?"
"But we have to walk to the main building."
"I see." Takaya said, pushing his damp fringe to the side.
"I don't hate the outdoor onsen... With mountains like these, there'd be a scent of the winds and trees, it'd surely be really comfortable. There's also the sound of the stream..., however many hours you soak in the baths, you'd still feel that it isn't enough."
"...Seems like this is not your first visit to an outdoor onsen."
"When I was really young, I went to one with my old man. Where was that? Kinugawa, I think? I've memories of taking a ferry across a river."
Naoe listened to Takaya's words with a gentle expression. "I see. With your father."
"Yeah... It was a company holiday or something. At that time, Miya was still a baby, so Mum couldn't come along. Since that was my first time going to an outdoor onsen, I remember I was so excited that I soaked in the baths until I was dizzy."
"Your father probably went through a lot of trouble."
"He couldn't afford to relax and drink with his colleagues, could he? He got flustered because of this little kid. Now that I think about it, I feel like I'd done something horrible."
Naoe laughed, Takaya scratched his head in an embarrassed manner, he looked at the vacant space rather absentmindedly.
"...During that time, he was still a good father."
"..."
Naoe gazed at Takaya, he stopped smiling. Takaya drooped down those eyes of his which would occasionally reveal an extremely lonesome expression for a short instance, then a soft smile abruptly reappeared.
"Why did I recall that matter? --It's definitely because of you."
"Because of me?"
"You're really similar to how my old man used to be when he was younger. Wearing that sort of bathrobe, sitting in that place smiling at me..."
Naoe was somewhat surprised. Appearing like he was taking unnecessary pains to study an insignificant problem, Takaya's line of sight fell onto the orange in his hand.
Only now did he realize this point.
Takaya would occasionally merge the image of his father with his [Naoe] body, Naoe was vaguely aware of this. The father who should have protected him, was nevertheless the person who had hurt Takaya - he did not have any feelings for the other besides hatred. Undoubtedly, Takaya still hoped that he could always see the former appearance of his father - the one in his memories - and thus integrated a certain part of him with Naoe, that was why he could pour out his true emotions to an outsider.
"..."
Takaya lowered his head, unintentionally revealing an unpretentious smiling expression.
"Thank you."
"Takaya-san..."
"You even brought Miya along. My old man couldn't stay home due to work during the New Year celebration this time around. So Miya and I were left to ourselves. That girl Miya, was so happy to the point that she felt ashamed. Because she has never been to an onsen or anywhere interesting. You definitely find it awkward right."
"Not at all." Naoe said, remembering Miya's smiling face. Apparently, she now regarded Ayako as her elder sister, the two of them were already completely familiar with each other. Naoe was well-aware of Takaya's side appearance when he saw Miya's excitement, despite uttering "What a lost case", the expression in his eyes had been extremely tender.
To be able to provide him with a period of calmness, Naoe felt extremely happy whenever he could bring forth Takaya's gentle nature.
"So, wanna go bath in the onsen? You went by yourself just now right? There's no need to look after the place and whatnot. Let's go to the outdoor onsen together. The outdoor onsen!"
Takaya proposed innocently, Naoe replied with the face of a protector.
"Even if I really wish to do that, I cannot soak in the onsen together with you."
"Why? It'll be fine."
"If you want me to help you wash your back, I will do so. However I cannot bath together with you in the same onsen."
"Why? There's no need to be so polite."
"Because I am your retainer."
Takaya widened his eyes in shock. There was a slight difference in Naoe's appearance, the expression of a subordinate adhering to caution and reason. Takaya was somewhat irritated by this.
"Don't bother about that. That sort of matter..."
"A retainer sharing the bath with his lord, this would be an extremely preposterous circumstance."
"What old-fashioned stuff are you talking about? People like Chiaki don't pay attention to these sort of things."
Naoe suddenly restored an especially hidebound appearance, he looked at Takaya.
"I am different from Nagahide. To me, you are nothing but my lord. Even if you wanted me to make a hasty move on you, I myself will not allow that sort of thing."
"We cannot become intimate." Naoe's manner expressed this. Takaya closed his mouth, he looked back at Naoe.
It could not be breached no matter what, that particular dividing line-. Naoe would constantly remain committed to this point when all was said and done. However, perhaps owing to the existence of this dividing line, a balance had been strenuously preserved in their endless relationship thus far and could continue through time.
Thinking of this, Takaya behaved as he always did previously, he accepted his words.
If he were to say anything else, they would be merely be the willful words of a child. As he began to understand him, Takaya became well-aware of the inequality in this relationship. He told himself that this relationship would not last if not maintained in this way.
"I see." Uttering this, Takaya seemed lonely for a brief moment. Naoe noticed it.
"I am your lord..."
"..."
"If we grew closer, you'd be unable to figure out your own position."
Naoe lifted his head.
Takaya brushed his hair aside again, adorning an adult-like countenance.
"I can't break that sort of link between us right."
"Takaya-san..."
"I understand. It's alright, I'm not a kid. I won't do anything that will worry you."
Takaya smiled as he spoke. "I too... want things to stay as they are now."
"..."
Takaya stood up, wanting to exit the room. Naoe chased after him and grabbed his wrist.
"Naoe?"
"Let us go for a walk. I want to take a breath of fresh air outside."
"..."
Seeing the sharp expression in Naoe's eyes that clearly wanted to blurt out something on his mind, Takaya widened his eyes slightly. As though he was suggesting 'Follow me', Naoe walked out. Takaya exhaled, his body felt a bit nervous.
"Is it snowing outside?"
***
The night among the mountains was extremely cold as expected. The cold wind penetrated the bone. His damp hair was exposed to the cold air, causing the area around his temples to ache. Even so, his body still felt warm as it had not been long since he last soaked in the onsen, otherwise it would not have been possible for him to just walk outside in those clothes. The snowflakes rained down like cotton, but it had not reached the stage where an umbrella was needed.
They came to the courtyard. There was no sign of anyone nearby. Takaya faced the wide back of Naoe heading in the direction of the somber valley and softly asked.
"How far are we going to walk?"
"...It would be better if you stayed indoors."
Naoe did not turn back. Takaya shook his head like a difficult child.
"It's okay. I want some fresh air."
"If you to take a breath of fresh air, it would be better to do so while bathing in the onsen. You can get there from the hall. You will catch a cold like this."
"You're the one who will catch a cold."
"I'm fine. Anyway, you can't go on like this. Please return."
Despite saying this, there was no hint of rejection in Naoe's tone. From the courtyard, Naoe went down the stairs in the direction of the valley. The shrubs that appeared under the lighting were already adorned with a dull layer of snow. Takaya followed behind Naoe. The sound of the stream could be heard from the other end of the darkness. A cold breeze blew up from the bottom of the valley.
"Naoe."
Takaya called out as though persuading him to stay. Stopping beside the line of lights that illuminated the stone steps, Naoe turned around.
"Don't go on any further."
"You... it does not matter if you don't follow."
"Whatever it is, don't go on any further. Don't go to that cold place by yourself. You'll really catch a cold."
His voice became stiff, seemingly not because of the cold. As though he was apprehensive about something, Takaya showed a fearful expression. Naoe looked up at him, he replied coldly.
"I want to ease my mind a little. Please don't follow me."
"...!" Takaya's face turned red all of a sudden, he stared at Naoe. "If you didn't want me to follow then you should've said so earlier!"
"Takaya-san," suddenly replying in a serious manner, Naoe said, "I am someone who must obey you."
"..." As if he had hit him right on target with his words, Takaya froze.
"We can never have the same social status or position. Neither do I expect this. Perhaps for as long as we exist, you and I can never have the same level of existence. It is impossible for you to be anyone else other than someone that I have to obey..."
"...Naoe."
"No, there is one." Naoe's expression grew sharp. "If these positions are reversed, God would permit it."
Fear flashed across Takaya's face, he turned around wanting to return. However, Naoe grabbed onto his wrist, firmly brought him close, embracing him from behind.
"...Were you thinking of submitting to me?"
"What are... you saying..."
"If you do as I say, you will feel a pleasure like no other."
Muttering in this way, his right hand slid into the lapel of Takaya's clothes. The cold fingers caressed him up to his nipple, Takaya's body could not help but stiffen.
"Wait a minute..., I..."
"I wish to tell you these feelings."
"Let go...! Are you mistaken somewhere...!"
"I am not a replacement for your father. I don't have that sort of qualification. I am more selfish, a filthier person. The more you place your delusional hopes on me, in the end you will definitely be injured by the truth of who I am."
Naoe's right hand was like a tease, stroking Takaya's chest.
"We can only walk one path. One who obeys, and one who employs obedience. Other than this, there is no second path."
"...damn you!"
Naoe moistened his forefinger by licking it with his tongue, then lightly twisted the erect nipple. Takaya shut his eyes, he wanted to stop the other's hand, however, as he was being held by Naoe's arm, he could not move.
"Ah... ah..."
"Don't pretend that you did not see this coming."
Naoe's hand parted the lower folds of his garment, and lifted his thigh. Takaya shivered the instant the object between his groin was fondled with.
"Ah...!"
"The rock bath-house on the second storey, if we lock it nobody can enter." The man mumbled beside his ear in a forcefully sexual voice. "Do you want to go there?"
"No.... that sort ... of place..."
"Is that so?"
"Ahhhh....!"
His tip was being played with, Takaya arched his neck, tears slid down from the corners of his eyes. The man sucked in his tears with his lips.
"What a truly stubborn person..."
"Your hand... stop it...!"
"You can't handle this intensity? You are not that weak a person, are you?"
"Don't... play there.... please!"
"You were the one who lured me into this, Takaya-san. I am a 'man'. Don't worry. Tonight I shall make you go mad with passion..."
"...!"
His heart jumped violently.
Within the lower folds of the disheveled yukata, the man's middle finger entered the crack between the haunches. After the licentious finger had invaded and ravaged, he then leisurely rolled the two balls in his hands. The yukata slid off his shoulders, with his clothes in a disordered mess, Takaya grabbed the head of the man standing behind him as his heated breaths came out in gasps.
"Even if... you do this sort of thing... I'll definitely..."
"Why don't you try escaping? It would be over if you run. Aren't you disgusted by this?"
"You... don't have any way of overthrowing me... Definitely... can't overthrow me..."
"You will submit to me."
"I won't, submit to you..."
His shoulders heaved as he panted, Takaya's piercing eyes look askance at the sky.
"I will definitely not lose to you!"
Naoe's hand shook slightly in shock.
Takaya closed his eyes and breathed fiercely.
"Kagetora-sama..."
"If you think this is a lie, then go ahead and try me. I will not lose to you... No matter how much you torment me, you can't... make me surrender."
"..."
"Isn't that right?"
Naoe endured the gaze of the other as he [Takaya] looked over his shoulder, eyes that resembled a sharp blade, he quietly held his breath.
At that very instant, he realized he had a fierce tiger that had been liberated from its shackles in his hands.
The ferocious tiger hid its fangs, braced itself by holding its breath.
Aphrodisiac-like sweat oozed out from the beast's skin.
"....nnnhh..."
Subtle groans leaked out from the beast's throat. As though he was being lured in, the man's hand crawled to his throat, the fingers explored his lips. His middle finger slid into the slightly gaping mouth, the fingertip played with the hidden tongue.
"I will... conquer you."
"...You... aren't capable of that..."
"I am a... man." Mumbling into his ear in a hoarse voice, Naoe continued to lovingly caress the beast's limbs. "The more you cannot measure up to your opponent, the more you want to conquer it. I can't always allow myself to be suppressed by the superior, can't always be reasonable. I am merely a man who will feel humiliated whenever I am intimidated by you."
"It's not like this... You're... always calm and... tender-"
"I... want to bring you shame."
"...No..."
"I want to shatter your haughty self, that diamond-like, beautiful pride of yours. I want to take you here, humiliate you until you wish for death."
"!"
The man's lustful member pierced strongly into the soft folds of the beast's buttocks. Holding back the groans that were on the verge of leaking out, the beast in Naoe's hands was now in a horizontal posture on all fours.
"Why..."
"Because... I love you."
"This type of action isn't love. It's just... violence..."
"But, doesn't it feel pleasurable?"
He desperately refrained from making any sounds in order to not yield to the man's teasing. Catching his breath, Takaya closed his eyes.
"Don't hold back... Make some noise."
"Ah... ah!"
"Do you want more? Do you want me to be more intense?"
Takaya only continued to shake his head.
"-Don't lie anymore."
"I'm not lying..."
"You should be tired of lying."
"...nnnhh! ..."
Following the man's progressively stimulating actions, his body followed suit and convulsed unceasingly. In order to endure it, he firmly grabbed onto the gravel on the ground. Tears streamed out of Takaya's eyes, his body moved with the man's swaying motion, amidst the feelings of humiliation, he also felt pleasure.
The man behind him did not expect arms that would turn around and embrace him, neither did he expect any reciprocation...
Or perhaps, he was afraid of obtaining reciprocation.
Would the people say that this was a selfish kind of love?
Feel that this was a love that could not be reciprocated...
Would the people condemn this as 'cowardice'?
"Not a lie..."
As he endured the man's vigorous actions, the white beast continued to mutter in an inane manner.
"This is not a lie..."
Frozen by the winds from the valley, blasting at the man as though chastising him for violating the beast.
The naked tiger who had been forced into this miserable position endured the pain and pleasure, gripping the gravel on the stone steps.
The heated piece of flesh thrust continuously into the skin assailed by the cold wind. Fiercely rocking his waist, the man grabbed the hair of the other with his right hand.
"Even in this way... can you still deny being conquered?"
"Nnnhh... ah...!"
"You are clearly feeling pleasured."
Muttering in this way, the man expertly toyed with the biological object between the beast's thighs. Whenever the pointed end received a stimulation, the flexible abdomen of the beast would convulse for a spate of time.
"Can I lick it?"
"No...! Stop it..."
"This thing of yours, you still don't have any experience of coming in another's mouth, right?
"Ah...!"
His body was turned over, the man's powerful hands forcefully spread his legs apart. As though he was impatient, the man opened his mouth, with his burning lips and tongue he swallowed the part of the beast that was already erect, then fiercely began to stroke his most sensitive areas in a greedy manner. As this sensation nearly drove him mad, the beast even forgot to repress his moans, what little of his remaining modesty could not stop his body from welcoming the pleasure either. The sounds of his pleas to stop this conduct had became nothing but expressions that communicated his body's feeling of pleasure to the perpetrator.
"Let go, Naoe...!"
The man continued with his actions. His saliva smeared all over, his tongue slithered about the tendons and muscles, he rubbed with his fingers, a sadistic smile appeared on his face as he murmured.
"What a truly naughty object... Being so vigorously happy in this way."
"Please, your mouth... let it go..."
"It's okay..."
"No! Quick..."
"... let me see you shoot."
"Ahh!"
The bitter liquid spurted into the man's mouth.
His shoulders shuddered intensely as he gasped for breath, his chest heaved violently, Takaya closed his eyes painfully. The purifying liquid remained beside his mouth, Naoe looked over him with an expression of a mad dog.
"Looks like you can come ten more times."
"Naoe....."
"Even if you beg me tearfully, tonight I will not stop. Be it ten times or twenty times..., I will pleasure you until you can no longer come. Even if it drains me I will not let you go. Until you say 'Please forgive me', 'Please let me go', abandon everything, kneel and implore me, I will not stop."
Tears slid down from the beast's eyes. "I definitely won't... implore anything..."
"I will make it such that you will have no choice but to do it. Until you are subdued by me."
"I definitely won't... be subdued by you."
"How much must you intimidate me before you're satisfied!"
Crying out in this way with a look that was close to desperation, Naoe buried his face in Takaya's neck.
"This is how I love you..."
"..."
The one and only dictator--
Brimming with more charisma than anyone else, more beautiful than anyone else, an existence greater than anyone else, whenever he was compared to a human of the same social standing, he would witness his entire purity with his own eyes - it could be said that he was the current ideal of humanity, despite thinking in this way he [Takaya] nevertheless intimidated the fundamentals of his own existence.
Being in love with him simultaneously affirmed the moment of his defeat.
Naoe was deeply aware that he had acknowledged him and could not resist him. If he could for the sake of love give up the person he was attached to, he would definitely be able to break free from this emotional situation. Was a person ignorant and stupid if he experienced a clash between his love for another and his love for himself resulting in suffering...? Wouldn't the people say that this love was wholly intentional?
I love him in this way yet...
I cannot but consider you a person who threatens me and be jealous with loathing...
The defeated exists for the sake of his beloved victor.
Allowing you, the victor, to increase in your brilliance, if only I could have no feelings of resistance and pain owing to this matter, if only I could feel happy for this, how blessed would I be then. Conceding to my own defeat, that was the moment of my humiliation and despair when I realized that my disgrace simply allowed the victor's renown to increase in magnificence. But then, I could not abandon everything and surrender to my fate of playing the part of the clown for your sake either.
I knew perfectly well that I was at a loss at what was to be done yet I could not completely give up on myself, a true failure...
Do you understand the suffering of this sort of person?
However, without a doubt, you are extremely aware of the fact that you are the winner.
Every single person acknowledged this. The people acknowledged this.
The prominence of the great victor that you are...
Surely it was because of the loser that I am that allowed you to achieve this.
Exhausting this life...
"Naoe...?"
"..."
To Takaya, even though he could not comprehend Naoe's suffering, he could not ignore this matter when he was being assailed by the cold wind in this way, seeing the only existence who was capable of giving him warmth shed tears.
Although he knew that his very being gave rise to Naoe's pain...
He was powerless.
Even so...
"If I don't have you... I cannot live on." Saying this, the man kissed the source of his suffering. "This failure who suffered because of you, regardless of everything I want to make you understand..."
"...!"
Takaya shut his eyes tightly, he desperately push against the chest that was pressing down on him.
"Make you understand me, let me embed inside your body, engrave inside you..."
"Naoe...!"
"Just I alone... do not receive anyone else..."
"..."
"Among all the people who have lost to you, I am the most deserving of pity..."
I was hoping that you would say this to me.
Regardless of how painful it is, I will bear it for your sake. Even if this bared body were to vomit blood, no matter how disgusting a travesty is exposed, no matter how many crimes are committed, no matter how much condemnation and ridicule I have to suffer from the people, it is of no importance. As long as you can issue your radiance. As long as that intense brilliance of yours can become even more dazzling.
Oh, how I hate you, how I desire you.
How I love you...
You definitely don't love me...
Even so, it is fine.
There is no reciprocation in this love. You certainly will not turn around and embrace me right.
Even so, it is fine. It will be good enough for you to just pay heed to your glory, then flaunt it before me. To offset the suffering of those who had unknowingly sacrificed themselves for the sake of your brilliance, as long as you continue to look afar to the other side with that beautifully piercing expression in your eyes, it will be good enough.
You only belong to me, beautiful 'Amadeus'...
To be able to embrace that lonely back of yours, I can only wager on this meager existence of mine and pursue you continuously...
Takaya's pure eyes looked up at Naoe as though they were concentrating their attention on him.
Naoe caressed that face affectionately.
En route down the journey through this life of his, he had identified the person who was significant to his existence, even though he despaired, he could only proceed onwards to his destiny.
If I had not met you, I would most probably be able to smoothly continue with life.
But then I would have never taken note of this existence who stirred up my emotions in this way as a result of desire.
In a constrained voice, he poured everything out as if he wanted to carve them onto his soul.
"I only love you, with the same level of intensity as this piece of hatred."
"Naoe..."
"Whichever it is, all of them are not lies."
The pupils of my eyes that have been punctured with the blade of passion, can only see you...
Takaya held his breath, looking up at Naoe's body hovering over him.
Naoe wanted to carry on with his actions, and Takaya's refusing hands that pushed against the man's chest were promptly pinned down on the gravel.
The man bent Takaya's knee, holding down his thighs as he spread them wide apart.
"Someone... might pass by..."
"It doesn't matter if we are seen."
"--It's shameful..."
"This sort of body posture?"
A snowflake flew onto his neck, melting into a bead of water that streamed down. Following that, tears slid down his cheek. The man's lips stubbornly chased after Takaya's evasive lips.
"If we don't return... Miya and the others... will find it strange..."
"Don't say out anyone's name other than mine."
"...Nnnh..."
His waist shook violently all of a sudden. The beast's wild eyes stared desperately at the head of the man who was sucking on the erect object between his groin. Because of the overly ingenious skill of the man's tongue, the impulse to yell out madly invaded the beast. Using all of his strength to refrain from doing so, the beast clasped the man's head, his fingertips pinched into his shoulders, the skin was lacerated, blood flowed out. The man grabbed his hand, forcefully leading him to his own manhood.
"...Ah...!"
"See. I want to be touched by you like this as well."
Touching the extremely genuine desire of that man, Takaya could not help but feel afraid and shook his head wanting to move his hand away. The man's breathing gradually became disordered as Takaya's fingers caressed him.
"Just like how you usually do it by yourself, it's fine for you do it lecherously."
"No...."
"See. There's a response in this way. Again... look... be more intense!"
"No...!"
A licentious smile appeared on the man's avaricious lips. "You... want this right? In your mouth, or in... the hole below?"
"I'll kill you! I want to kill you!"
"I will allow you to kill me."
"...Naoe...!"
A melancholy look momentarily appeared on the man's face. The startled beast widened his eyes that were wet with tears.
"--Ah..."
"..."
The beast stiffened his body in dread. The man closed his eyes as he breathed deeply, his fingers were moistened by the liquid splattered on the beast's abdomen.
"Let you... kill me..."
"Naoe..."
"Tonight... please kill me..."
Making the beast suck on his moist fingertips, the man looked back at him with teary eyes.
"Can I... enter you?"
Takaya looked up at Naoe firmly. Reclined on the white yukata that had been spread out, the naked tiger hatefully asked in reply to the man's prudent entreaty.
"Do you want to embrace me in this sort of place..."
The man painfully nodded.
The beast quietly gazed at the other's tears, then calmly closed his eyes.
"Violate me then-- Just don't freeze to death..."
The ice-cold lips overlapped, their limbs intertwined, the man and wild beast fused into one body of flesh. The sharp fingertips carved fresh marks on the back that was full of scars. Tears overflowed just like the shattering of glass, moans broke through the curtain of night.
The heated tongues, red like a scarlet rose, unknowingly melted with each other into blood.
The pure white snowflakes that quietly danced in the air,
Would finally change into a fierce snowstorm that would raid these two bodies.
Until they were exhausted in the snowstorm, until they freeze to death.
"What type of love is this...!"
The sound of whimpering leaked out of the beast's mouth, before it could reach the man's ears it disappeared into the snowstorm. The lips hissing in pleasure froze. Until the moment where absolute zero stops the heart completely...
Although tenderness and warmth were sought after, they still could not be obtained.
Since this was the case - ah, the people who mutually hurt one another.
In the icy crystal of darkness, regard the misery that mangled the body as requital,
Let us stay in this brief fantasy for now shall we...
Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.
Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes:
PS: do not distribute this without my permission
It seemed like it had been snowing for quite some time, no wonder it was so tranquil.
Sitting by the kotatsu wearing a yukata, calculating the day's expenses, Naoe placed the PDA to one side and softly closed his accounts notebook.
Nearby was Aizu's Lake Inawashiro, an onsen among the mountains, he had heard that the snowfall this year was low. The lady boss of the ryokan had said that the sparse amounts of fallen snow had almost been completely melted away by the sunny and cloudless weather for the past several days, business for the ski resort had become extremely difficult.
This ryokan, managed by a friend of the Tachibana family, appeared to be among some of the most famous inns in this region. Each and every one of the rooms in the hotel had their own distinctive construct, several tearooms had also been built. If one really wanted to stay on, each night would cost thousands. It would be fairly acceptable to occasionally celebrate the New Year in a place like this, that was why they had traveled such a distance to this location. However, because of the people participating in this outing, it was now apparently impossible to welcome the first month of the New Year peacefully in this quiet, luxurious ryokan.
Obliging Ayako's request, everyone had rushed to the karaoke box, for this reason the room had finally returned to this precious moment of tranquility.
At last, some peace and quiet...
The rare atmosphere of the onsen had also disappeared without a trace. As a result of the arrival of that group of guys who loved bustling about noisily in excitement, it was no longer reasonable to expect a peaceful start to the new year. Thinking in this way, Naoe, who had remained in the room by himself, sighed and looked up at the grid pattern of the ceiling. However, if he had remained in his own home, he would have to tide that especially punctilious type of a New Year festival with his parents and relatives, wasn't the situation here still much better in comparison?
Even so, it seemed as though he was not fated to have a calm and restful New Year. Judging by the looks of things, they would probably return at around midnight. How nice would it be if they could just politely go to sleep in their futon after returning. In any case, they would definitely have a drinking session in the room. Now was the only opportunity for a moment of placidity.
He looked out the window at the flower garden on the opposite side. The outside appeared to be rather chilly. Naoe immediately closed the fusuma as the cold air had begun to bite at his neck.
At that very moment.
The sound of the opening of the sliding door came from the entrance, Naoe turned around.
"Takaya-san...?"
Walking into the room, Takaya peeled the ryokan's short outdoor coat off his yukata. He should have been out with Chiaki and the rest at the karaoke, but it seemed like he had returned early, by himself.
"You are back. It's still so early. What happened to Haruie and the others?"
Takaya had an angry face, he snuggled into the kotatsu.
"Are you okay?"
"Seriously, why do those guys have such low alcohol capacity? I won't bother with them again. They end up like this every single time, that's why I came back."
Crying out in this way, Takaya took the orange on the table and started to peel it. Judging from his appearance, he was most likely annoyed with Ayako, he had seen several times how she would make a scene of herself when drunk. Ayako's inebriated behavior was known to all.
"I hate drunks for this very reason. I don't care. No matter what, I won't drink with those guys again!"
"...Looks like you suffered considerably."
"All because you didn't come along! Those guys didn't listen to me at all!"
"They can only behave informally during the time of the New Year, perhaps you could pardon them on these grounds?"
"I'm angry because they behave like this even when it isn't the New Year. What were you doing just now?"
"Calculating money." Saying this, Naoe placed the accounts PDA beside the chair. "The travel costs and other expenses, I wish to provisionally relocate funds from home for our expenditure."
"The real estate company's funds right? No harm in that."
"Do you want something to drink? I can make tea right away."
"Beer."
"... Takaya-san."
"It's okay! It's no fun drinking with someone who's already drunk."
"So drinking with someone who is sober is more entertaining? That isn't the point."
A wry smile appeared on Naoe's face, making Takaya a little angry. In Takaya's opinion, if he was with someone who did not have a good amount of self control, the other party would usually be the first to get drunk. Consequently, he would be forced to look after that drunkard, as a result he scarcely had any pleasant memories of drinking with other people.
Even if not for this reason, Takaya was once completely opposed to the idea of alcohol as during his days in secondary school he had personally witnessed his father's shameful antics when he was drunk. (Although he could not drink in the first place as he was not an adult yet) From his acceptance of beer after all those troubles, could it be said that Takaya's estrangement from his father had eventually melted away?
Thinking of this matter, Takaya's eyes fluttered to a distant location.
Naoe looked at the side of Takaya's face.
The two of them were silent, the room suddenly quietened down, there was only the distinctive sound of the heater. The faint sounds of the karaoke originated from the direction of the main building.
For a brief period of time, the two of them listened to the silence among the mountains in this way.
Takaya took notice of his line of sight.
"What?"
Naoe lowered his head and smiled. "Nothing. It feels as though I am having a dream, being together with you in this way."
"Dream? Idiot. What are you saying? You're exaggerating right."
"How about going to the onsen again? The onsen water here is rich and gentle, I was told that no matter how many times you soak yourself in it you would not feel uncomfortable. It would be nice to watch the snowy scenery from the outdoor baths."
"There's an outdoor onsen?"
"But we have to walk to the main building."
"I see." Takaya said, pushing his damp fringe to the side.
"I don't hate the outdoor onsen... With mountains like these, there'd be a scent of the winds and trees, it'd surely be really comfortable. There's also the sound of the stream..., however many hours you soak in the baths, you'd still feel that it isn't enough."
"...Seems like this is not your first visit to an outdoor onsen."
"When I was really young, I went to one with my old man. Where was that? Kinugawa, I think? I've memories of taking a ferry across a river."
Naoe listened to Takaya's words with a gentle expression. "I see. With your father."
"Yeah... It was a company holiday or something. At that time, Miya was still a baby, so Mum couldn't come along. Since that was my first time going to an outdoor onsen, I remember I was so excited that I soaked in the baths until I was dizzy."
"Your father probably went through a lot of trouble."
"He couldn't afford to relax and drink with his colleagues, could he? He got flustered because of this little kid. Now that I think about it, I feel like I'd done something horrible."
Naoe laughed, Takaya scratched his head in an embarrassed manner, he looked at the vacant space rather absentmindedly.
"...During that time, he was still a good father."
"..."
Naoe gazed at Takaya, he stopped smiling. Takaya drooped down those eyes of his which would occasionally reveal an extremely lonesome expression for a short instance, then a soft smile abruptly reappeared.
"Why did I recall that matter? --It's definitely because of you."
"Because of me?"
"You're really similar to how my old man used to be when he was younger. Wearing that sort of bathrobe, sitting in that place smiling at me..."
Naoe was somewhat surprised. Appearing like he was taking unnecessary pains to study an insignificant problem, Takaya's line of sight fell onto the orange in his hand.
Only now did he realize this point.
Takaya would occasionally merge the image of his father with his [Naoe] body, Naoe was vaguely aware of this. The father who should have protected him, was nevertheless the person who had hurt Takaya - he did not have any feelings for the other besides hatred. Undoubtedly, Takaya still hoped that he could always see the former appearance of his father - the one in his memories - and thus integrated a certain part of him with Naoe, that was why he could pour out his true emotions to an outsider.
"..."
Takaya lowered his head, unintentionally revealing an unpretentious smiling expression.
"Thank you."
"Takaya-san..."
"You even brought Miya along. My old man couldn't stay home due to work during the New Year celebration this time around. So Miya and I were left to ourselves. That girl Miya, was so happy to the point that she felt ashamed. Because she has never been to an onsen or anywhere interesting. You definitely find it awkward right."
"Not at all." Naoe said, remembering Miya's smiling face. Apparently, she now regarded Ayako as her elder sister, the two of them were already completely familiar with each other. Naoe was well-aware of Takaya's side appearance when he saw Miya's excitement, despite uttering "What a lost case", the expression in his eyes had been extremely tender.
To be able to provide him with a period of calmness, Naoe felt extremely happy whenever he could bring forth Takaya's gentle nature.
"So, wanna go bath in the onsen? You went by yourself just now right? There's no need to look after the place and whatnot. Let's go to the outdoor onsen together. The outdoor onsen!"
Takaya proposed innocently, Naoe replied with the face of a protector.
"Even if I really wish to do that, I cannot soak in the onsen together with you."
"Why? It'll be fine."
"If you want me to help you wash your back, I will do so. However I cannot bath together with you in the same onsen."
"Why? There's no need to be so polite."
"Because I am your retainer."
Takaya widened his eyes in shock. There was a slight difference in Naoe's appearance, the expression of a subordinate adhering to caution and reason. Takaya was somewhat irritated by this.
"Don't bother about that. That sort of matter..."
"A retainer sharing the bath with his lord, this would be an extremely preposterous circumstance."
"What old-fashioned stuff are you talking about? People like Chiaki don't pay attention to these sort of things."
Naoe suddenly restored an especially hidebound appearance, he looked at Takaya.
"I am different from Nagahide. To me, you are nothing but my lord. Even if you wanted me to make a hasty move on you, I myself will not allow that sort of thing."
"We cannot become intimate." Naoe's manner expressed this. Takaya closed his mouth, he looked back at Naoe.
It could not be breached no matter what, that particular dividing line-. Naoe would constantly remain committed to this point when all was said and done. However, perhaps owing to the existence of this dividing line, a balance had been strenuously preserved in their endless relationship thus far and could continue through time.
Thinking of this, Takaya behaved as he always did previously, he accepted his words.
If he were to say anything else, they would be merely be the willful words of a child. As he began to understand him, Takaya became well-aware of the inequality in this relationship. He told himself that this relationship would not last if not maintained in this way.
"I see." Uttering this, Takaya seemed lonely for a brief moment. Naoe noticed it.
"I am your lord..."
"..."
"If we grew closer, you'd be unable to figure out your own position."
Naoe lifted his head.
Takaya brushed his hair aside again, adorning an adult-like countenance.
"I can't break that sort of link between us right."
"Takaya-san..."
"I understand. It's alright, I'm not a kid. I won't do anything that will worry you."
Takaya smiled as he spoke. "I too... want things to stay as they are now."
"..."
Takaya stood up, wanting to exit the room. Naoe chased after him and grabbed his wrist.
"Naoe?"
"Let us go for a walk. I want to take a breath of fresh air outside."
"..."
Seeing the sharp expression in Naoe's eyes that clearly wanted to blurt out something on his mind, Takaya widened his eyes slightly. As though he was suggesting 'Follow me', Naoe walked out. Takaya exhaled, his body felt a bit nervous.
"Is it snowing outside?"
***
The night among the mountains was extremely cold as expected. The cold wind penetrated the bone. His damp hair was exposed to the cold air, causing the area around his temples to ache. Even so, his body still felt warm as it had not been long since he last soaked in the onsen, otherwise it would not have been possible for him to just walk outside in those clothes. The snowflakes rained down like cotton, but it had not reached the stage where an umbrella was needed.
They came to the courtyard. There was no sign of anyone nearby. Takaya faced the wide back of Naoe heading in the direction of the somber valley and softly asked.
"How far are we going to walk?"
"...It would be better if you stayed indoors."
Naoe did not turn back. Takaya shook his head like a difficult child.
"It's okay. I want some fresh air."
"If you to take a breath of fresh air, it would be better to do so while bathing in the onsen. You can get there from the hall. You will catch a cold like this."
"You're the one who will catch a cold."
"I'm fine. Anyway, you can't go on like this. Please return."
Despite saying this, there was no hint of rejection in Naoe's tone. From the courtyard, Naoe went down the stairs in the direction of the valley. The shrubs that appeared under the lighting were already adorned with a dull layer of snow. Takaya followed behind Naoe. The sound of the stream could be heard from the other end of the darkness. A cold breeze blew up from the bottom of the valley.
"Naoe."
Takaya called out as though persuading him to stay. Stopping beside the line of lights that illuminated the stone steps, Naoe turned around.
"Don't go on any further."
"You... it does not matter if you don't follow."
"Whatever it is, don't go on any further. Don't go to that cold place by yourself. You'll really catch a cold."
His voice became stiff, seemingly not because of the cold. As though he was apprehensive about something, Takaya showed a fearful expression. Naoe looked up at him, he replied coldly.
"I want to ease my mind a little. Please don't follow me."
"...!" Takaya's face turned red all of a sudden, he stared at Naoe. "If you didn't want me to follow then you should've said so earlier!"
"Takaya-san," suddenly replying in a serious manner, Naoe said, "I am someone who must obey you."
"..." As if he had hit him right on target with his words, Takaya froze.
"We can never have the same social status or position. Neither do I expect this. Perhaps for as long as we exist, you and I can never have the same level of existence. It is impossible for you to be anyone else other than someone that I have to obey..."
"...Naoe."
"No, there is one." Naoe's expression grew sharp. "If these positions are reversed, God would permit it."
Fear flashed across Takaya's face, he turned around wanting to return. However, Naoe grabbed onto his wrist, firmly brought him close, embracing him from behind.
"...Were you thinking of submitting to me?"
"What are... you saying..."
"If you do as I say, you will feel a pleasure like no other."
Muttering in this way, his right hand slid into the lapel of Takaya's clothes. The cold fingers caressed him up to his nipple, Takaya's body could not help but stiffen.
"Wait a minute..., I..."
"I wish to tell you these feelings."
"Let go...! Are you mistaken somewhere...!"
"I am not a replacement for your father. I don't have that sort of qualification. I am more selfish, a filthier person. The more you place your delusional hopes on me, in the end you will definitely be injured by the truth of who I am."
Naoe's right hand was like a tease, stroking Takaya's chest.
"We can only walk one path. One who obeys, and one who employs obedience. Other than this, there is no second path."
"...damn you!"
Naoe moistened his forefinger by licking it with his tongue, then lightly twisted the erect nipple. Takaya shut his eyes, he wanted to stop the other's hand, however, as he was being held by Naoe's arm, he could not move.
"Ah... ah..."
"Don't pretend that you did not see this coming."
Naoe's hand parted the lower folds of his garment, and lifted his thigh. Takaya shivered the instant the object between his groin was fondled with.
"Ah...!"
"The rock bath-house on the second storey, if we lock it nobody can enter." The man mumbled beside his ear in a forcefully sexual voice. "Do you want to go there?"
"No.... that sort ... of place..."
"Is that so?"
"Ahhhh....!"
His tip was being played with, Takaya arched his neck, tears slid down from the corners of his eyes. The man sucked in his tears with his lips.
"What a truly stubborn person..."
"Your hand... stop it...!"
"You can't handle this intensity? You are not that weak a person, are you?"
"Don't... play there.... please!"
"You were the one who lured me into this, Takaya-san. I am a 'man'. Don't worry. Tonight I shall make you go mad with passion..."
"...!"
His heart jumped violently.
Within the lower folds of the disheveled yukata, the man's middle finger entered the crack between the haunches. After the licentious finger had invaded and ravaged, he then leisurely rolled the two balls in his hands. The yukata slid off his shoulders, with his clothes in a disordered mess, Takaya grabbed the head of the man standing behind him as his heated breaths came out in gasps.
"Even if... you do this sort of thing... I'll definitely..."
"Why don't you try escaping? It would be over if you run. Aren't you disgusted by this?"
"You... don't have any way of overthrowing me... Definitely... can't overthrow me..."
"You will submit to me."
"I won't, submit to you..."
His shoulders heaved as he panted, Takaya's piercing eyes look askance at the sky.
"I will definitely not lose to you!"
Naoe's hand shook slightly in shock.
Takaya closed his eyes and breathed fiercely.
"Kagetora-sama..."
"If you think this is a lie, then go ahead and try me. I will not lose to you... No matter how much you torment me, you can't... make me surrender."
"..."
"Isn't that right?"
Naoe endured the gaze of the other as he [Takaya] looked over his shoulder, eyes that resembled a sharp blade, he quietly held his breath.
At that very instant, he realized he had a fierce tiger that had been liberated from its shackles in his hands.
The ferocious tiger hid its fangs, braced itself by holding its breath.
Aphrodisiac-like sweat oozed out from the beast's skin.
"....nnnhh..."
Subtle groans leaked out from the beast's throat. As though he was being lured in, the man's hand crawled to his throat, the fingers explored his lips. His middle finger slid into the slightly gaping mouth, the fingertip played with the hidden tongue.
"I will... conquer you."
"...You... aren't capable of that..."
"I am a... man." Mumbling into his ear in a hoarse voice, Naoe continued to lovingly caress the beast's limbs. "The more you cannot measure up to your opponent, the more you want to conquer it. I can't always allow myself to be suppressed by the superior, can't always be reasonable. I am merely a man who will feel humiliated whenever I am intimidated by you."
"It's not like this... You're... always calm and... tender-"
"I... want to bring you shame."
"...No..."
"I want to shatter your haughty self, that diamond-like, beautiful pride of yours. I want to take you here, humiliate you until you wish for death."
"!"
The man's lustful member pierced strongly into the soft folds of the beast's buttocks. Holding back the groans that were on the verge of leaking out, the beast in Naoe's hands was now in a horizontal posture on all fours.
"Why..."
"Because... I love you."
"This type of action isn't love. It's just... violence..."
"But, doesn't it feel pleasurable?"
He desperately refrained from making any sounds in order to not yield to the man's teasing. Catching his breath, Takaya closed his eyes.
"Don't hold back... Make some noise."
"Ah... ah!"
"Do you want more? Do you want me to be more intense?"
Takaya only continued to shake his head.
"-Don't lie anymore."
"I'm not lying..."
"You should be tired of lying."
"...nnnhh! ..."
Following the man's progressively stimulating actions, his body followed suit and convulsed unceasingly. In order to endure it, he firmly grabbed onto the gravel on the ground. Tears streamed out of Takaya's eyes, his body moved with the man's swaying motion, amidst the feelings of humiliation, he also felt pleasure.
The man behind him did not expect arms that would turn around and embrace him, neither did he expect any reciprocation...
Or perhaps, he was afraid of obtaining reciprocation.
Would the people say that this was a selfish kind of love?
Feel that this was a love that could not be reciprocated...
Would the people condemn this as 'cowardice'?
"Not a lie..."
As he endured the man's vigorous actions, the white beast continued to mutter in an inane manner.
"This is not a lie..."
Frozen by the winds from the valley, blasting at the man as though chastising him for violating the beast.
The naked tiger who had been forced into this miserable position endured the pain and pleasure, gripping the gravel on the stone steps.
The heated piece of flesh thrust continuously into the skin assailed by the cold wind. Fiercely rocking his waist, the man grabbed the hair of the other with his right hand.
"Even in this way... can you still deny being conquered?"
"Nnnhh... ah...!"
"You are clearly feeling pleasured."
Muttering in this way, the man expertly toyed with the biological object between the beast's thighs. Whenever the pointed end received a stimulation, the flexible abdomen of the beast would convulse for a spate of time.
"Can I lick it?"
"No...! Stop it..."
"This thing of yours, you still don't have any experience of coming in another's mouth, right?
"Ah...!"
His body was turned over, the man's powerful hands forcefully spread his legs apart. As though he was impatient, the man opened his mouth, with his burning lips and tongue he swallowed the part of the beast that was already erect, then fiercely began to stroke his most sensitive areas in a greedy manner. As this sensation nearly drove him mad, the beast even forgot to repress his moans, what little of his remaining modesty could not stop his body from welcoming the pleasure either. The sounds of his pleas to stop this conduct had became nothing but expressions that communicated his body's feeling of pleasure to the perpetrator.
"Let go, Naoe...!"
The man continued with his actions. His saliva smeared all over, his tongue slithered about the tendons and muscles, he rubbed with his fingers, a sadistic smile appeared on his face as he murmured.
"What a truly naughty object... Being so vigorously happy in this way."
"Please, your mouth... let it go..."
"It's okay..."
"No! Quick..."
"... let me see you shoot."
"Ahh!"
The bitter liquid spurted into the man's mouth.
His shoulders shuddered intensely as he gasped for breath, his chest heaved violently, Takaya closed his eyes painfully. The purifying liquid remained beside his mouth, Naoe looked over him with an expression of a mad dog.
"Looks like you can come ten more times."
"Naoe....."
"Even if you beg me tearfully, tonight I will not stop. Be it ten times or twenty times..., I will pleasure you until you can no longer come. Even if it drains me I will not let you go. Until you say 'Please forgive me', 'Please let me go', abandon everything, kneel and implore me, I will not stop."
Tears slid down from the beast's eyes. "I definitely won't... implore anything..."
"I will make it such that you will have no choice but to do it. Until you are subdued by me."
"I definitely won't... be subdued by you."
"How much must you intimidate me before you're satisfied!"
Crying out in this way with a look that was close to desperation, Naoe buried his face in Takaya's neck.
"This is how I love you..."
"..."
The one and only dictator--
Brimming with more charisma than anyone else, more beautiful than anyone else, an existence greater than anyone else, whenever he was compared to a human of the same social standing, he would witness his entire purity with his own eyes - it could be said that he was the current ideal of humanity, despite thinking in this way he [Takaya] nevertheless intimidated the fundamentals of his own existence.
Being in love with him simultaneously affirmed the moment of his defeat.
Naoe was deeply aware that he had acknowledged him and could not resist him. If he could for the sake of love give up the person he was attached to, he would definitely be able to break free from this emotional situation. Was a person ignorant and stupid if he experienced a clash between his love for another and his love for himself resulting in suffering...? Wouldn't the people say that this love was wholly intentional?
I love him in this way yet...
I cannot but consider you a person who threatens me and be jealous with loathing...
The defeated exists for the sake of his beloved victor.
Allowing you, the victor, to increase in your brilliance, if only I could have no feelings of resistance and pain owing to this matter, if only I could feel happy for this, how blessed would I be then. Conceding to my own defeat, that was the moment of my humiliation and despair when I realized that my disgrace simply allowed the victor's renown to increase in magnificence. But then, I could not abandon everything and surrender to my fate of playing the part of the clown for your sake either.
I knew perfectly well that I was at a loss at what was to be done yet I could not completely give up on myself, a true failure...
Do you understand the suffering of this sort of person?
However, without a doubt, you are extremely aware of the fact that you are the winner.
Every single person acknowledged this. The people acknowledged this.
The prominence of the great victor that you are...
Surely it was because of the loser that I am that allowed you to achieve this.
Exhausting this life...
"Naoe...?"
"..."
To Takaya, even though he could not comprehend Naoe's suffering, he could not ignore this matter when he was being assailed by the cold wind in this way, seeing the only existence who was capable of giving him warmth shed tears.
Although he knew that his very being gave rise to Naoe's pain...
He was powerless.
Even so...
"If I don't have you... I cannot live on." Saying this, the man kissed the source of his suffering. "This failure who suffered because of you, regardless of everything I want to make you understand..."
"...!"
Takaya shut his eyes tightly, he desperately push against the chest that was pressing down on him.
"Make you understand me, let me embed inside your body, engrave inside you..."
"Naoe...!"
"Just I alone... do not receive anyone else..."
"..."
"Among all the people who have lost to you, I am the most deserving of pity..."
I was hoping that you would say this to me.
Regardless of how painful it is, I will bear it for your sake. Even if this bared body were to vomit blood, no matter how disgusting a travesty is exposed, no matter how many crimes are committed, no matter how much condemnation and ridicule I have to suffer from the people, it is of no importance. As long as you can issue your radiance. As long as that intense brilliance of yours can become even more dazzling.
Oh, how I hate you, how I desire you.
How I love you...
You definitely don't love me...
Even so, it is fine.
There is no reciprocation in this love. You certainly will not turn around and embrace me right.
Even so, it is fine. It will be good enough for you to just pay heed to your glory, then flaunt it before me. To offset the suffering of those who had unknowingly sacrificed themselves for the sake of your brilliance, as long as you continue to look afar to the other side with that beautifully piercing expression in your eyes, it will be good enough.
You only belong to me, beautiful 'Amadeus'...
To be able to embrace that lonely back of yours, I can only wager on this meager existence of mine and pursue you continuously...
Takaya's pure eyes looked up at Naoe as though they were concentrating their attention on him.
Naoe caressed that face affectionately.
En route down the journey through this life of his, he had identified the person who was significant to his existence, even though he despaired, he could only proceed onwards to his destiny.
If I had not met you, I would most probably be able to smoothly continue with life.
But then I would have never taken note of this existence who stirred up my emotions in this way as a result of desire.
In a constrained voice, he poured everything out as if he wanted to carve them onto his soul.
"I only love you, with the same level of intensity as this piece of hatred."
"Naoe..."
"Whichever it is, all of them are not lies."
The pupils of my eyes that have been punctured with the blade of passion, can only see you...
Takaya held his breath, looking up at Naoe's body hovering over him.
Naoe wanted to carry on with his actions, and Takaya's refusing hands that pushed against the man's chest were promptly pinned down on the gravel.
The man bent Takaya's knee, holding down his thighs as he spread them wide apart.
"Someone... might pass by..."
"It doesn't matter if we are seen."
"--It's shameful..."
"This sort of body posture?"
A snowflake flew onto his neck, melting into a bead of water that streamed down. Following that, tears slid down his cheek. The man's lips stubbornly chased after Takaya's evasive lips.
"If we don't return... Miya and the others... will find it strange..."
"Don't say out anyone's name other than mine."
"...Nnnh..."
His waist shook violently all of a sudden. The beast's wild eyes stared desperately at the head of the man who was sucking on the erect object between his groin. Because of the overly ingenious skill of the man's tongue, the impulse to yell out madly invaded the beast. Using all of his strength to refrain from doing so, the beast clasped the man's head, his fingertips pinched into his shoulders, the skin was lacerated, blood flowed out. The man grabbed his hand, forcefully leading him to his own manhood.
"...Ah...!"
"See. I want to be touched by you like this as well."
Touching the extremely genuine desire of that man, Takaya could not help but feel afraid and shook his head wanting to move his hand away. The man's breathing gradually became disordered as Takaya's fingers caressed him.
"Just like how you usually do it by yourself, it's fine for you do it lecherously."
"No...."
"See. There's a response in this way. Again... look... be more intense!"
"No...!"
A licentious smile appeared on the man's avaricious lips. "You... want this right? In your mouth, or in... the hole below?"
"I'll kill you! I want to kill you!"
"I will allow you to kill me."
"...Naoe...!"
A melancholy look momentarily appeared on the man's face. The startled beast widened his eyes that were wet with tears.
"--Ah..."
"..."
The beast stiffened his body in dread. The man closed his eyes as he breathed deeply, his fingers were moistened by the liquid splattered on the beast's abdomen.
"Let you... kill me..."
"Naoe..."
"Tonight... please kill me..."
Making the beast suck on his moist fingertips, the man looked back at him with teary eyes.
"Can I... enter you?"
Takaya looked up at Naoe firmly. Reclined on the white yukata that had been spread out, the naked tiger hatefully asked in reply to the man's prudent entreaty.
"Do you want to embrace me in this sort of place..."
The man painfully nodded.
The beast quietly gazed at the other's tears, then calmly closed his eyes.
"Violate me then-- Just don't freeze to death..."
The ice-cold lips overlapped, their limbs intertwined, the man and wild beast fused into one body of flesh. The sharp fingertips carved fresh marks on the back that was full of scars. Tears overflowed just like the shattering of glass, moans broke through the curtain of night.
The heated tongues, red like a scarlet rose, unknowingly melted with each other into blood.
The pure white snowflakes that quietly danced in the air,
Would finally change into a fierce snowstorm that would raid these two bodies.
Until they were exhausted in the snowstorm, until they freeze to death.
"What type of love is this...!"
The sound of whimpering leaked out of the beast's mouth, before it could reach the man's ears it disappeared into the snowstorm. The lips hissing in pleasure froze. Until the moment where absolute zero stops the heart completely...
Although tenderness and warmth were sought after, they still could not be obtained.
Since this was the case - ah, the people who mutually hurt one another.
In the icy crystal of darkness, regard the misery that mangled the body as requital,
Let us stay in this brief fantasy for now shall we...
Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.
