From Chinese translations by Hinako.
Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes:
PS: do not distribute this without my permission
"..."
Opening his eyes slightly, the first thing that came into his view was the white, somewhat gloomy ceiling.
His line of sight shifted to the sides, he caught a glimpse of the large window on the right. The window was covered by thick curtains that had decorative circular designs, he could not tell if it was night or day.
The room was dim. Inside, there was only the glimmer from the lamp beside the window.
Ougi Takaya was lying on a bed. This place appeared to be a room in some high-grade apartment. The interior of the room was extremely quiet, not even the sound of the air conditioner could be heard. Takaya's belongings had been placed on the small table beside him. The hotel card key, as well as Koubou Daishi's dokkosho that Miura Yoshimoto had given him...
Then, Takaya grew aware of the unusual condition of his body. He did not remember changing his clothes, however he had been put into bathrobes without his knowing.
"...!"
Realizing that his wrists were clasped in a pair of cold, circular, solid objects, he looked up, both of his hands had been bound by handcuffs, the chain between them was hooked behind the railing of the bed. Takaya had been chained to the bed with his hands in this upward position.
"What... is this...!"
He struggled to break free of the handcuffs using his full strength but these handcuffs were no toys. The iron rings were embedded into his flesh, and could not be removed.
"Damn... it..."
He wanted to use an incantation to break the chain section between the cuffs, but there was no response. Takaya creased his brows and concentrated on his spell, however the handcuffs were not affected, as though they had not sustain any hit from the incantation.
I can't use my powers...?
Thinking 'how can that be', he concentrated on his spell in desperation but it was no good. His powers were not in the least bit effective.
Why...!
"It's useless to struggle. Uesugi."
Takaya's shoulders jumped upon hearing the voice that came from beside his legs. In an instant, the room became incomparably bright, Takaya found it blinding and squinted.
"Who is that?"
"Looks like you're awake. General of the Uesugi."
Three men were standing in the center of the room facing him. One of them had center-parted, shoulder-length hair, the man looked like a college student. He was the one who had spoken. The two middle-aged men that followed behind him like a shadow appeared to be his subordinates. Takaya had not seen any of their faces before.
Takaya looked at the other party fiercely.
"Who are you people?"
"You were honestly looking for your own demise. Hardly as amazing as what the rumors made you out to be. I didn't expect that you'd be so easily captured."
The man spoke in a pompous manner. He looked like the young master of a rich family, however his way of speaking and external appearance were completely discordant. Takaya realized this before the other had even begun to speak. There were two souls in the man's physical body. He had been possessed by a hyoui rei.
This man was definitely one of the onshou.
"Satomi?"
"Satomi Yoshiyori."
The college student announced his name without any hesitation.
"I'm Satomi Yoshitaka's second son, Yoshiyori. Nice to meet you, Uesugi Kagetora. But you're truly good-for-nothing for unexpectedly losing to a modern individual. The rumors of you having fought with Oda Nobunaga-kou must be a lie right?"
Once the other spoke of this, the missing pieces of Takaya's discontinued memories were suddenly restored. That's right. He had fought with Kaizaki in the cave at Enoshima, and then...
Takaya looked around but he did not see the culprit who had gotten him into this compromising situation.
Had he been delivered to the Satomi after he collapsed? Takaya was in such remorse that he almost wanted to bite his own tongue to finish himself off, he gnashed his teeth resentfully.
He had unwittingly been captured by the enemy.
But why couldn't he use his powers?
"We've done something special to your physical body." As though Yoshiyori had read Takaya's thoughts, he explained in this way. "Acupuncture that we Satomi are expert in. Needles have been inserted into your body, thus your incantations can't be released."
"What?"
"Kanshousha are capable of making the physical body their own and employ incantations by utilizing the energy from the large, accumulated stores of vitality flowing inside the physical body. They are capable of greater power than those with spiritual bodies due to the stockpile of energy inside their physical bodies. But there's one weakness."
Yoshiyori approached.
"If the stream of energy inside the physical body were to be stabilized, those who are dependent on the physical body can't use their powers. When you've reached that level of strain from your inability to use your powers, you'd have no way of releasing your powers. The needles that have been inserted into your physical body can control this flow of energy."
"You took advantage of my unconscious state to implement this trick?"
Takaya now understood the reason the Satomi had changed his clothes. In short, they had acted on the composition of this body whose 'powers' were in active use.
"...Never imagine you'd use this sort of underhanded tactic."
"In this way, you can't use your powers. If you still want to escape regardless of everything, then try biting off your tongue to commit suicide. As long as you abandon the physical body, you'd be free, no? How about it?"
Yoshiyori knew from the start that it was not possible for Takaya to so easily abandon his physical body. Takaya felt even more bitter and stared daggers at Yoshiyori.
"We'll be offering you to Oda Nobunaga-kou." Yoshiyori looked at Takaya in a haughty manner.
"Oda...!"
"Enoshima and Uesugi Kagetora. Nobunaga-kou will surely be extremely happy. Not bad huh? Your head is more valuable than that of any other military leader."
"What are you guys trying to do? Are the Oda operating from behind the scenes? What will you gain from opening that fuuketsu?"
"Are you scared? Uesugi Kagetora." Yoshiyori smiled maliciously, he walked slowly towards his side and sat on the bed Takaya was reclined on. Takaya's body recoiled in alert, Yoshiyori coolly grabbed hold of Takaya's jaw with his left hand. "If the road leading to Hell opens, if the dead can return, the Uesugi are but the troublesome ones, no?"
"...let go... your hand..."
"If a path for the dead to return is created, your exorcisms would be totally meaningless. Those onshou that should have been exorcised and sent to the other world would return one by one. The 'power of exorcism' that the Uesugi boasts of will become ineffective."
"Souls that have been exorcised definitely won't return." Takaya glared at the other party, he refuted with a tough confidence. "Souls that have been exorcised will be purified when they reach the other world. Purified souls don't have any personality. Their personalities and emotions during their lifetimes would have been erased. By that time, they're no longer of the dead. Therefore, such a thing as a nation of the dead simply doesn't exist. Whatever the path, it's not possible to open it."
"What is your so-called 'other world'? Hell?"
The look in Takaya's eyes grew sharp.
"You haven't seen what the 'other world' looks like, have you?" Yoshiyori neared Takaya's face menacingly. "You have absolutely no idea what becomes of the dead after they've been exorcised. You merely expel them from this world, not knowing where they end up at all. Perhaps this is what Kenshin told you people, but you have never personally seen it. You don't even know what the 'other world' is like, what an irresponsible way of talking."
"You speak as if you've seen it with your own eyes."
"This so-called reincarnation, in the end it's merely flying to the state system of another dimension. After one's death, one will first go to Hell to be judged by the Enma-ou. After going through the trial, one will be reincarnated to one of the six realms. Based on the examination of one's lifetime, one will be reborn to either the Deva realm (Heaven), the human realm, the Asura realm, the animal realm, the Hungry Ghost realm, or the Naraka realm (Hell). One can never break away from the cycle of death and rebirth until one attains awareness. One can only continuously make one's rounds through the six realms."
"So?"
"If this human world is connected to the six realms, what would you do?"
"What?"
"The road leading to Hell will open. The people in Hell paying for their sins during their lifetimes will return. The place where the dead have been sent to after your exorcisms is Hell. The fuuketsu was originally one such path, a way whereby the dead can return. Don't you think so?"
"...!"
With his jaw clasped firmly, Takaya's face was tensed painfully.
Yoshiyori smiled.
"Perhaps everything that you know is wrong."
Takaya reacted to these words, he frowned.
"The things that you depend on today, might just disappear tomorrow. By tomorrow, all those people that you've exorcised will return, I can't say for sure if they won't first come to kill you in hatred."
"Do you think people will believe in that sort of nonsense..."
"Hmph. You're afraid, you're afraid alright. The path of the Night Devil will soon be open. Before that, let me see your fearful expression."
Yoshiyori uttered those words in a sadistic voice as he drew his face closer. Takaya was startled, he struggled wanting to keep away from him.
"What... the hell do you think you're doing... damn you!"
"That brat Kaizaki, not a bad hobby to have I must say. I never expected that he would want to play with this Uesugi Kagetora with his own hands."
"What... are you gibbering about...!"
"Have you forgotten about the situation in an army? During a war, we warriors are dispatched in this way, lonely without any woman to comfort us. You should remember this right?"
"..." Takaya smiled at Yoshiyori in contempt. "...If you want to reminisce about the past, why don't you at least find yourself a partner? Oji."
"What?"
"This place is a battlefield no doubt. But even if you embrace a man you won't get any pleasure right? Don't mistake me for a consort." Takaya uttered in an arrogant tone. "Release me, oji."
"You're kidding right? That Kenshin who won't hold any woman, don't you become his bedmate every night? Saying that you're his adopted son and whatever, the only thing he dotes on is your ass right?"
Takaya did not waver in the slightest bit.
He could clearly see Yoshiyori's capacity. This denigration coming from an insignificant person had no way of injuring Takaya.
But Yoshiyori still felt conceited in his superiority.
"Don't worry. I'm not an unreasonable man after all, I won't treat you as a replacement for a woman. I'll justly preserve the proper conduct between men."
"..."
"Are you afraid? Wasn't this something natural in our time?" Yoshiyori grasped Takaya's fringe brutally as if he were playing with a doll. "Modern people are truly strange. Whatever they say, going to bed with someone of the same sex is the testimony of humanity, it's the proof of a noble spirit."
"You merely want to vent your sexual frustration right? As long as you can sleep with someone, you don't care if it's a man or a woman."
"...What did you say?"
"These sort of cavalier words, the more vulgar a person the more he would want to use them."
"Are you talking about me?"
"Take your dirty hands off me." Lying on the bed, Takaya looked at Yoshiyori with a proud expression. "Seems like you're not even clear about your self-worth. You pitiful lowlife."
Seeing Takaya's cold appearance, Yoshiyori's entire body trembled, he could not help but feel compelled to stand up and retreat. Takaya took notice of his appearance, a cold smile emerged on his face.
"You mentioned being the second son of the Satomi, I was wondering why I've never heard of you. It's just as I've suspected. You were but one who held on miserably to the small territory of Awa or Kazusa, someone who just toiled throughout his entire life and died, right? Now that you've been resurrected what do you intend to do? Are you planning to take advantage of the opportunity provided by the fact that the strong enemy is already dead and start building your own kingdom?"
"What...!"
"A powerless person is truly pitiful." Takaya mocked Yoshiyori. "I pity you. A man who can't accomplish anything if not for the support of the Oda. No matter how many times you're resurrected, it's impossible for a man of your standing to achieve anything."
Seeing that Yoshiyori's face had turned pale, Takaya laughed at him, but he lost interest in the next instant finding it dry and tasteless, he glanced at the window. A calm that caused one to feel hatred. Was he trying to say that he was not even qualified to be his partner?
His hands were obviously bound, he could not move, yet how was Takaya capable of such arrogance? Yoshiyori felt an indescribable uneasiness, his entire face had turned ashen. At this moment, a voice came from behind.
"That will be the end of your jest."
Yoshiyori lifted his head and turned around in shock, Kaizaki had entered the room without their knowledge, he was standing beside the door.
Takaya noticed him and widened his eyes.
"Kaizaki..."
Appearing before Takaya, Kaizaki was not wearing a coat. His white shirt complemented his black hair and eyes. Kaizaki was as calm as before. He spoke in a manner that did not show any trace of fear of Yoshiyori.
"You should be aware of this. This person is not someone you can handle. Furthermore, Yoshiyori-dono, Yoshitaka-kou appointed me as the sole person in charge of Uesugi-dono. Please do not lay your hands on the hostage."
Yoshiyori glared at Kaizaki. "Are you ordering me, your ancestor, around?"
"With regards to all matters concerning Uesugi-dono, my words are Yoshitaka-kou's words. You can only comply with them."
"You really dare to boast." Yoshiyori stood up. "Have you forgotten something? By whose luck was it that you can be born? It is because of the existence of we ancestors."
"That is true. But I belong to the bloodline of your brother, I am not related to you."
Kaizaki's remarkably calm words sealed Yoshiyori's refute. The two of them had not been able to get along from the very beginning. Yoshiyori had an immense dislike of this arrogant and rude descendant.
"Could you please leave the room?"
"Arrogant brat." Yoshiyori's face was full of hatred, he unwillingly left the bed. "Don't go assuming that you can always be so self-complacent. Kaizaki."
"Why don't you start making your way to Fujinomiya?"
"You don't have to tell me that, I'm going anyway."
Yoshiyori was like a child throwing a tantrum, after he finished he looked at Takaya once again, clicked his tongue loudly in contempt, grabbed his coat and left the room together with his subordinates.
Kaizaki watched the door close silently, then slowly shifted his gaze towards Takaya. Kaizaki and Takaya were the only ones left inside the room.
"..."
Takaya displayed the same intense vigilance against Kaizaki as he did previously, he stared at the other, both his hands chained near his head.
Kaizaki looked at him as well, quietly.
Then, with careful movement, he slowly removed his glasses.
After taking off his glasses, that seemingly calm expression of intelligence faded away by a few degrees, his appearance grew gentle. On his face, there was a kind of tenderness brought about by an abundance of knowledge. But among that tenderness one could also sense an inconceivable fear, which surprised Takaya a little.
Kaizaki placed his glasses on the table and walked towards Takaya. Kaizaki sat beside his pillow enveloping him, causing Takaya to twitch, then his entire body stiffened.
Takaya stared at Kaizaki fiercely like a beast in captivity.
"You look quite miserable, being chained by those handcuffs."
"Undo them at once."
"I can't do that." The corners of Kaizaki's mouth lifted slightly. "I heard that even if you cannot use your powers, you are one who must not be underestimated. It seems like you once tore apart spiritual manacles. To prevent that from happening, you have been chained in this way."
Kaizaki explained. He took out a small key from the pocket of his trousers. It was the key to the handcuffs. After flashing the key before him, Kaizaki hung it on the railing of the bed above Takaya's head.
Takaya glared at him begrudgingly, Kaizaki laughed softly as though he was delighted about something.
"I treated you rather cruelly just now."
"Are you intending to imprison me?"
"It would have been troublesome if you had obstructed us. Please stay here like this for the time being." Kaizaki gazed at Takaya. "...Also, for the purpose of studying you."
"Who wants to be studied by you, damn scoundrel."
"I find the mental capability of someone who has lived for 400 years very interesting. Such as the mechanics behind the usage of incantations and so forth. There are quite a number of things I would like to know."
"Are you treating me like a white mouse?"
"Am I..." Ambiguously shaking his head, Kaizaki narrowed his knowledgeable eyes slightly. "It really isn't such a bad idea to just watch you bound like this for the entire day 24 hours straight."
"Looks like the Satomi are all a bunch of creeps."
"We have a unique acupuncture technique." Kaizaki pointed out the stainless steel box placed on the small table with his jaw. "According to the manual, some are capable of rendering you speechless, or cause the immobilization of your four limbs. It can change your physical body into whatever I wish. ...But I'm still in the process of learning. I want to test every single one of them."
"What foolish talk..."
"Not a white mouse, using a tiger in a biological experiment is not bad as well."
"Revert my body to its previous state immediately!"
Takaya exposed his hostility, he scowled at Kaizaki. But not only did Kaizaki not cower, he endured his sight and looked back at him.
"No."
"...What did... you say..."
"You seem tired." Kaizaki's tone grew affectionate all of a sudden. "When we were fighting in the cave, you made a mistake due to this reason right? If not, you would not have exposed that opportunity for us in that sort of place."
Takaya was startled, then restored his caution once again, his focus grew even more fearless. But Kaizaki's peaceful expression did not change at all.
"Your powers seem to be very unstable."
"That doesn't concern you right?" With his hands bound, Takaya asked in a low voice. "What do you mean by this? Since then you've done these unexplainable, absurd things. And now, I never expected that you would even dare do this to my body!"
"Yes. I was the one who carried out the acupuncture method on you." Kaizaki replied as if nothing had happened. "It will restrict the flow of your energy for a while, although the body cannot perform spells, it is a good opportunity for the physical body to rest. Incantations produced by an unstable spirit would become a burden to the body. Your physical body has been used too excessively, it's tired. Your body has not completely matured yet. You don't wish for its growth to be stunted, do you?"
"... Why should you be worried about me?" Takaya asked in a sarcastic manner. "Revert my body to its original state at once!"
"The effect of the acupuncture will vanish even if it was left as it is. This is only temporary."
"And before that happens you intend to hand me over to Nobunaga, right?"
Kaizaki's profound eyes shifted from the front towards Takaya.
"What's going on at Fujinomiya? Are the Oda behind this plan? Is Nobunaga the one who needs this 'Path of the Night Devil'?"
"This has nothing to do with you."
"Why is it necessary to obtain the whole of Enoshima? Is the legend of the fuuketsu true? Do the Oda really intend to bring back the dead? Can that really be done?"
Kaizaki unknowingly smiled at Takaya, who was asking questions in a pressing manner, and queried. "Why do you ask me?"
"...!"
"I am your enemy. I will not disclose information to an enemy. You should understand this."
Takaya closed his mouth. ...Indeed, this was the case. Kaizaki was one of the Oda's men, the enemy. There was no way he would just simply inform the Uesugi leader of his secrets. However, why did he have a feeling that this man would perhaps tell him?
It's strange somewhere...
Takaya noticed the peculiar waver in his own innermost thoughts.
An indescribably strange man. He was obviously not a kanshousha or a hyoui rei, but a modern individual who provided assistance to the onshou. No matter how much he pondered, this man was beyond any doubt involved in the plans to purchase Enoshima. No matter how guarded he was it was no use, this man was the most dangerous sort of person.
But... something was wrong.
Why?
"...Don't be anxious. Just rest here."
Kaizaki said to him in a gentle intonation. His appearance was different from the first time he met him, Kaizaki did not have any sense of nervousness at this moment. That tone of voice was one that naturally permeated from the bottom of his heart.
"The legend of the fuuketsu tells of the story of 'Inagi and Nami'."
"..."
"It seems to be based on the myth of Izanagi. It's also extremely similar with the legend of Orpheus. Izanagi and Orpheus both went to Hell to retrieve their dead lovers from the underworld." Kaizaki lowered his black eyes slightly for a while, then calmly looked at Takaya once again. "If there was really a way to bring back the dead, would you do it?"
Takaya was raided by an unexplainable coldness. A feeling that someone had by accident trampled on an area that must not be touched, this caused Takaya to involuntarily tense up.
"If you could become Orpheus..."
"Wh...at..."
"If you could bring back a lost existence once more..."
Takaya's upper body trembled for a while as though it was convulsing.
"..."
Kaizaki looked at Takaya with a calm expression.
Takaya's complexion had turned pale as he began to shudder. Kaizaki's words seemed to have dragged out a certain nauseating object from within himself, the feeling of danger put Takaya's body on guard as he stared at the other.
Kaizaki calmly shook his head as though he wanted to placate Takaya in that way.
"You're tired."
Takaya held his breath for a moment.
Then he gazed at Kaizaki again.
Appearing to want to push away the other, as well as wanting to request for help... a questioning look, combined with an enmeshment of prudence and refusal, reflected in Takaya's eyes.
Kaizaki said in a comforting manner once again. "You're really, extremely tired."
"Who are you? Who exactly..."
"..."
"Who are you exactly?"
Takaya frowned, groaning. Kaizaki calmly slanted his head.
"What's the matter---..."
"I'm not tired at all. Even if I was tired, it doesn't matter to you right? Isn't this a good opportunity? You're the enemy right? Why would you say these things to me? I don't understand. Why would you do this..."
"..."
"Why? Why is it you who says these things? While he's completely incapable of conveying this, you however... Why is it you...!"
Sitting beside the pillow, Kaizaki mumbled. "Don't think about anything anymore---..."
"..."
"You're very tired. Just rest. Rest will do you good, be it the heart, soul or body. ...I will be here to keep you company."
Takaya was at a loss.
He widened his eyes, from the start he had not been able to take his eyes off Kaizaki's body, not even for a split second.
"If you're in grief, then just say it out." Kaizaki encouraged Takaya, like a father speaking to his child. "If you say it out, you would feel a lot better."
"Why would I want to..."
He wanted to show off his strength and display an arrogant smile, but he hardly had any energy left for indifferent words. Despite his revulsion at how he had ended up in this situation, Takaya could not say anymore.
Finally, Takaya's expression turned to despair.
"...So I've finally degenerated to this extent?"
Takaya said bitterly, he smiled unknowingly. Then he covered his eyes with his fingers, a laughter issued from his throat.
"Kagetora...dono?"
"...Not degenerated. Just that I've shown my true colors."
Takaya's words made Kaizaki stare in shock. Takaya laughed further in self-ridicule.
"I don't know who he has compared myself with but it's likely that he has finally understood. He has seen very clearly now. My true worth. The fact that I'm not someone worthy of his worship."
"..."
"He's probably disappointed in the end after seeing my true colors."
Takaya was talking about 'Naoe'.
Kaizaki's face was serious, he looked at Takaya.
Takaya mumbled to himself in a small voice.
"Some time ago... when I was young, I heard stories from the Holy Bible in a nearby church."
"..."
"Jesus Christ..."
"Christ...?"
"That's right. His followers were disappointed, that disappointment turned into hatred, the man who was crucified... Abandoned by those people who called themselves his worshippers, and slain."
"..."
"Rather than be abandoned, it would've been better to have just died at that time."
Takaya murmured in an utterly exhausted voice. Kaizaki's face was grim, his eyes suddenly grew sharp because of Takaya's words.
"Better... to have died...?"
"Yes, at that time." Takaya smiled lonesomely. "It would've been fine to have just died instead of possessing this body. Instead of having extravagant hopes for a restart, I should have just abandoned it. In that way, I wouldn't have encountered this matter."
Takaya was referring to the time when he possessed the body of 'Ougi Takaya' 20 years ago. Kaizaki did not say a word, he looked at Takaya's expression.
"I obviously knew that this day would come sooner or later. Because I'm a coward, even if I wanted to start over, in the end I will surely fail, that's all."
Talking in this way, he was blaming himself.
A feeble will would only attract a repeat of disaster. He once had that sort of intense hope. He had warned himself not to make the same mistake again.
Thinking that if he returned to his primary self, he might be able to open a different path, he had wanted to start anew by returning his personality to one that was akin to a white sheet of paper. Had this been the wrong thing to do? Was it only correct that he should not have abandoned his past but endure all the memories of suffering and hardship, tolerate the heavy burden of his sins and regret, and start over?
But despite having regained his memories, wasn't it no different from what he had been doing previously? He was merely coercing Naoe, nothing had changed, right?
Didn't his own frail willpower incur all of this?
"The consequences of my own actions." Takaya could now sneer at his own weakness with ease. "I know. I'm an incurable brat. A worthless brat. Of course Naoe would be disappointed. It's just that he has only noticed it now. Randomly considering other people to be his ideal, all this talk of being tied down by victory and defeat and whatnot..."
"..."
"Something like worship, I don't want that kind of love at all..."
Kaizaki questioned Takaya, who was muttering in a coarse voice.
"Why do you feel that you've made him disappointed?"
"..."
"Why do you feel that he's disappointed in you?"
"... Because I'm no longer advancing as bravely as I used to. My powers and influence have declined, my strength has degenerated, I wanted to hide them, instead my blunders have grown even more striking right?"
"You definitely did not lose it." Kaizaki firmly negated. "You've only believe this to be so."
"What are you basing your words on?"
"At present, not only did your strength not degenerate, it has continued to increase. If you feel yourself to be lacking, that is because you're pushing yourself too far ahead, you have too high expectations of yourself."
"How can you say this?" A small, bitter smile appeared on Takaya's face. "You don't know of my past, do you? Or what? Did you see it from that so-called jouhari mirror?"
"...As long as it concerns you, I know everything." Kaizaki said with assurance. "Be it how you've struggled forward, or your pain from your inability to do anything but look ahead..."
"..."
"You definitely did not lose your strength."
"Then why has he lost interest in me?" Takaya's expression was one of extreme fatigue. "He used to desperately think of me in that way."
"He definitely did not lose his yearning for you."
"How would you know that?"
"Not only is it not lost, but he is thinking of you with even greater urgency than before."
"How can you say those things!" Takaya widened his eyes, he uttered sternly. "He's not thinking about me at all! If he was, he wouldn't behave like that. He's disappointed in me. He's not thinking in that way, he used his most conceited self to settle whatever he was indiscriminately thinking of, and recklessly came to a conclusion, he has already found a new road! I don't know what he's disappointed in, but he just abandoned me and left without saying a word. In the end, that brat is merely a coward. Willfully admiring others, willfully speaking of his defeat and whatnot, behaving inferiorly in an incomprehensible manner. And now that he has seen the side of me that is unworthy of praise he has an irresolute hatred of me, he treats me indifferently. If he didn't behave in this way his hatred would become extremely stupid, I don't have any worth left! Ideals and so on, that sort of thing...!"
"Kagetora-dono."
"Did he want such an overwhelming ideal? If not for that sort of thing as a support he can't carry on? He can't live on? If he wants to worship so much, then it'll be good enough to just worship God, who obviously doesn't exist. Nobody is capable of harming Him because He doesn't exist. It's impossible for Him to change, therefore there's no reason that He'd cause others to be disappointed. But people are different..."
People change.
It was not possible for one to perpetually remain in the same place. The location believed to be the summit, might only be the midpoint. The location believed to be midpoint, could perhaps be the summit. He was not even aware of his own position.
In the eyes of the worshipper that have captured the figure of that 'ideal human', from the viewpoint of that individual, it was possible that this path would exist before him for a mere instant. That individual, who ought to be the fervent supporter, would notice after some time that he could no longer feel that sort of overwhelming charm from the body of the other. His interest would weaken. Then he would hate that ideal. Hate him because he had changed. Why couldn't he remain as his ideal for all eternity? As if that was logically the redeeming entitlement granted to the worshipper who continuously showered his ideal with his unconditional love.
However there were still many people with this hatred. The majority of them would just wave their hands and depart with an unconcerned, vacant look. They were like the vulgar gossip in those weekly magazines, irresponsibly blaming the other for changing, upon seeing any minor flaw in the other that they could not accept, they would conveniently pick another route faster than their perception of the other's merits.
The one most sensitive to this matter was the ideal himself. He would feel distressed that he was no longer the 'best' in the other's heart, he would feel that this was his own weakness, this distress would continue until he ultimately becomes one struggling with his previous self, constantly compelling himself into a hopeless situation.
As for those ideals who forced themselves into despair, many of them died in the end. As if, apart from death, there was no other way for them to continue as the 'ideal human'.
Just like how Jesus was murdered by his former worshippers.
His worshippers only truly began to believe after his death. With 'legends' and 'myths' they selfishly idolized it, feeling at ease and grateful that this would never change into something morally degenerate, then willfully use it as a place of repose for their spirit. The worshippers were always preparing escape routes for themselves without any sense of responsibility.
That person's love would certainly not be given to him, for this very reason it was easy to cease to be faithful. Worshippers were expert in avoiding situations that were unfavorable to themselves, they merely hunger for a thirst that would allow themselves to indulge in infatuation, never stopping to consider the suffering of the person who was being worshipped. They felt that there was no need for consideration because this was the privilege granted to those who embraced another with unconditional love.
"That sort of love cannot be trusted." Takaya's eyes grew forceful, he murmured. "People like worshippers are the ones who cannot be trusted the most. They are merely nodules of selfish love, in the end they're only interested in themselves. They only worship something advantageous to themselves, it's no use even if one were to strive until the very end."
"..."
"That sort of love cannot be trusted the most."
Kaizaki listened quietly.
Takaya was uncommunicative for a while. He pondered over something for a moment, then muttered lowly.
"Not that I felt completely unhappy to have been worshipped..."
"..."
"This is only natural. Anyone would want to be desired by others. Knowing that there's someone who loves me without seeking any recompense, it makes me happy. To have been called someone's 'ideal'..."
He had felt exceedingly happy.
No one would feel unhappy when he had acquired the approval of others. That was how he had managed to walk down this path until now. The support of others became the foundation for his self-confidence.
But Kagetora had a need to determine whether this sort of support was genuine. The person who supported him, could he really be trusted? The other's integrity, knowledge and experience, position... As for the support from people that he did not acknowledge, even if it was sincere he could not trust it, neither could it become his confidence.
Once he thought in this way, all those who supported him would be doubted. This was almost like a swaggering stringency, the worshippers were eliminated one by one and they left. If he did not do this, his self-complacent character would immediately fall prey to the paltry support of others.
"...I hate looking at idiots..." Takaya muttered powerlessly. "...I don't want... a love stemmed from unjustified fancies..."
"..."
Kaizaki who had been looking at him all this while, calmly spoke. "His yearning is not an unjustified fancy."
"You're lying..."
"He too has always suspected if this was a delusion. But no matter how much he has doubted it, his yearning is still not an unjustified fancy. That reasoning [Kagetora's] is merely the righteousness of one who continues to live so as to not fall into subservience despite having no confidence in himself."
"Righteousness..."
"When he thinks of you, it becomes his strength."
"But this is a small world. There are many people more deserving of worship than me."
"There are people worthy of his respect. But the only one capable of attracting him in this way, is you."
"Yet he still left."
"You have only been confused by a fake." Kaizaki's words caused Takaya's eyes to widen. "To the real him, in his longing for you, this factor of disappointment has never existed from the very beginning."
"...Kaizaki."
"Every single time he sees the various different aspects of you, he would want to know even more about you."
Takaya's eyes widened immensely. "You..."
"If you fail, that is your failed self. If you escape, that is your escaped self. If you rely on something regardless of everything, that is your reckless self. He wants to know every single one, desiring it to an unbearable degree. His interest will never cease, he wants to know even more, understand the deeper levels of your self. To the extent of wanting to witness your most repulsive character with his own eyes. ...The one who is disappointed is merely a fake."
"Fake... Are you saying Naoe is a fake?"
"That is not him. It must be someone else."
Kaizaki concluded firmly, Takaya was shaken.
Speaking in this way, Kaizaki's eyes had a cherished sincerity, Takaya remembered that he had once seen this sort of expression from somewhere.
Floating among a background of flames, painfully close to abandoning all pretense, that naked emotion in his eyes...
"Wait for me." Kaizaki said softly. "Very soon I will let you acknowledge my strength."
Kaizaki's words made Takaya hold his breath. "You..."
"At present I only want power. Even if this way of thinking is wrong, I can no longer continue to pretend in front of you who can see through all lies. I want the strength that will obtain the praise of the people, becoming an existence that is as high as yours. I want tens of thousands of people to concede that I'm an individual who possesses a strength that matches yours."
Saying this in a low voice, Kaizaki's words made Takaya confused. His words were too similar to his [Naoe]. His words naturally permeated into his heart like the soft earth absorbing the rainwater. What is this feeling? It was as though a plant, hungry and thirsty for moisture, had received the nourishment of rainwater. Why did he feel as though he had been saved?
"Who on earth... are you?"
"..."
"Why do you say these things..."
"You have currently placed yourself inside a nightmare."
Takaya's face was fearful, he looked up at Kaizaki. "Night...mare...?"
"Yes. You cannot continue to stay in this nightmare." Kaizaki drew his face near, he lowered his voice and softly caressed Takaya's wrist. "I will bring you back..."
"Kaizaki..."
"By binding you here, I will bring you back to reality."
Takaya gasped.
Then, he could not move.
Kaizaki's hand stretched towards Takaya's cheek. Held by the large, warm palm, Takaya felt a touch of familiarity, his shoulders shook.
"Kai..."
"It's not possible for a dead person to be resurrected, you too believe this to be true right?" Kaizaki murmured beside his ear. "If that is reality, then we are truly residing inside a dream."
"..."
"Just like him in the Holy Bible."
Kaizaki slowly moved his hand that was stroking his cheek to Takaya's eyes, covering both of them. He felt his face approach quietly. Kaizaki tilted his head a slightly, he parted his lips a little, and they overlapped with Takaya's lips.
"...!"
Takaya's body stiffened in shock.
A deep kiss.
But Takaya could not refuse. The movement of his lips and tongue caused one to become intoxicated, sending Takaya's thoughts into chaos. Wanting to grab onto something, he tightly clenched both of his bound hands. The lips that covered him provided a stimulation, there was a quaking from the depths of Takaya's heart like an upsurge of waves. This amorous, endless kiss made Takaya quiver. Sweetly nipping away in an engrossed manner, with his tongue brushing against his teeth and gums. After the lips softly overlapped in a light peck, they were once again deeply locked together.
He could not see the other as his eyes had been covered by his hand. Takaya was in confusion. He remembered.
Yes. Takaya knew the person who kissed in this manner.
"..."
When their lips parted, Kaizaki slowly moved his palm away from Takaya's eyes.
Takaya opened his eyes, Kaizaki's eyes were right before him, calmly looking at him.
"W...hy..."
Takaya widened his eyes, he muttered dully.
Kaizaki looked at him in grief.
This man...
"Who... are you..."
"Please remember." Kaizaki murmured. "You know it."
"But he's with me..."
"Let us find it together..." Kaizaki creased his brow slightly. "Our 'ideal way of existence'..."
"..."
"Even if it's unsightly, even if it's superficial..."
The scene of the red lotus fires blazing away rushed into Takaya's brain. The sheer feeling of danger and turmoil gave rise to a severe ache in Takaya's head. Takaya tightly shut his eyes restraining the pain, clenching his teeth.
"No....!"
The force that wanted to suppress it clashed with the force that wanted it to break through, causing Takaya pain that felt like his head was about to crack open.
"Ah... Ahhhhhh....!"
Takaya twisted his body painfully, Kaizaki grab his shoulders strongly.
"Takaya-san..."
"No... Ah... Ahhh....!"
Kaizaki embraced Takaya, who was painfully shaking his head and crying out, with both his arms, he forcefully kissed him intimately again as he held him tightly. Within Kaizaki's bosom, Takaya opened his eyes in consternation.
"--It's all right. Don't be afraid..." Kaizaki lowered his voice and said. "Even though it will be a little painful, please endure it for a while..."
Takaya did not move.
Sensing Kaizaki's body heat through his clothes, Takaya was desperately gasping for breath in the darkness.
That beloved voice that he would always hear in his heart overlapped with Kaizaki's breathing and was conveyed to him. Enduring his headache, Takaya closed his eyes as though he was delivering his body to Kaizaki.
The genuine turmoil of his heart was communicated.
The unimaginable feeling of having another's heated spirit invade his innermost thoughts surrounded him, the name called out by his lips mingled with his light breathing, melting in the depths of Takaya's throat.
Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.
