From Chinese translations by 佚.
Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 鲛尾城 Samegao castle; 俸禄 bouroku (retainer's stipend); 夜叉 Yasha; 武士 bushi (warrior/samurai); 落魄 rakuhaku (being reduced to poverty / living in poverty / coming down in the world); 春日山城 Kasugayama jo (Kasugayama Castle - primary fortress of Uesugi Kenshin); 怨靈/怨灵 onryou (vengeful spirit); 征伐 seibatsu (conquest / subjugation / overcoming); 會津/会津 Aizu ; 米澤/米泽 Yonezawa (the capital of the distinguished Uesugi family's fief since the 17th century, in the south of Yamagata Prefecture); 豐臣秀吉/丰臣秀吉 Toyotomi Hideyoshi; 關原之戰/关原之战 Battle of Sekigahara; 德川家康 Tokugawa Ieyasu ; 定勝/定胜 Sakadatsu; 住所 juusho (domicile (permanent residence) / address); 江戶/江户 Edo; 阿蔦/阿茑 Tsuta; 京都 Kyoto; 小田原 Odawara
PS: do not distribute without my permission
That day, the waves rolled turbulently in the sea.
Even though the rainstorm had stopped at midnight, by daybreak the sea waves still billowed.
As the waves of the Northern Sea rose, they appeared an indescribable shade of green.
The seaside did not carry a whiff of humans, only the repeated echoes from the crashing waves.
In front of a fisherman's lodge, young men appeared, their footsteps soundless as they stepped on the sand. They did not seem to be fishermen, but like rakuhaku samurai from somewhere. They did not know the other's name, nor did they recognize the other's face. Although both of them had completed their primary task, this was the first time they truly met face to face.
The two men stood by the seaside facing each other as dawn broke.
--Kenshin-kou has appointed me as your guardian.
That man, calmly announced his full name.
--I am Naoe Nobutsuna.
The sea behind his back bellowed as if it were the remnants of the rainstorm. Gazing at him, a cold fear crept into Kagetora's mind.
The one from Kagekatsu's faction, who had forced him down the path of death.
The possession of bodies was really a wonderful matter. A clearly defined, angular face, tanned skin... He could not find any features of Naoe Nobutsuna's former appearance, when he was alive. Although they had met a few times at Kasugayama Castle, they had never really conversed as far as they could remember.
He had the impression that he was a cold man. He could not read his thoughts at all. If he had not mentioned it, he really would not have expected that he was an accomplice.
The other should probably feel the same. No matter what the current personage, there was no way he could associate with 'Uesugi Kagetora'.
However the external appearance changed, Kagetora was still Kagetora.
What sort of expression should he wear, standing in front of the man who had killed him?
Kagetora thought, as he looked at him. There was no smile on Naoe's face, however he did not appear to be afraid of Kagetora. No diffidence could be seen, nor could he detect any posturing to hid his hesitancy. This man, it couldn't be that he did not have any normal human emotions?
Such arrogance.
Five years had passed since the Battle of Otate. Even though Kagekatsu now ruled Echigo, civil strife still sprung up endlessly in various regions, the political situation was clearly unstable.
With the internal disorder inevitably ending in a river of blood, disturbances caused by onryou cropped up again. The roaring cries of the onryou, full of onnen, threatened the livelihood of the people.
"The head of the onryou is Uesugi Kagetora, who died at Samegao Castle."
Unintentionally, the people of Echigo began to believe this. It was said that the onryou who belonged to Kagetora's faction, roamed the surrounding damaged areas of Otate, specifically killing people who were related to Kagekatsu.
Everyone feared Kagetora's onryou.
--Are you not afraid?
This was the very first sentence Kagetora uttered to Naoe.
--The leader of your hateful enemy is still here.
--...
--The soul who perished at Samegao Castle is standing right before your eyes.
--I need not be afraid.
Naoe answered.
--Because from now on, Kagetora-kou is my lord.
He could not detect any feelings of loyalty in his words.
Kagetora scoffed in his heart. -- A man who could not speak the truth. In his heart he had not the slightest intention to render obedience. He thought he was quite pitiful. What sort of retribution was this, that after death he would unexpectedly be posted as a retainer to the leader of his enemy whom he had killed when still alive? --But there was no need to feel pity for him.
This person was probably here to watch Kagetora, despite outwardly declaring that he was his guardian. Thinking it necessary to be vigilant to protect Kagekatsu and Echigo from Kagetora's grasp. His stare attested to it, being full of wariness, not once looking away from Kagetora's body.
--Can you really accept me as your master?
His back supported the shattering sound of the great waves, Kagetora calmly asked.
--No bouroku, and no rewards, no reciprocation. Can you still acknowledge me as your master?
--Yes.
However, Naoe continued.
--As long as it is Kenshin's order.
So you have pledged loyalty and devotion to Father?
The vicious roar of the large waves surrounded the seaside.
Bearing the violently strong sea wind.
He did not intend to close the distance, existing previously, with this man. There was not the slightest intention in his heart to forgive him.
Even if they could not get along, their duties could still be carried out smoothly. The other must definitely be thinking of the same.
--I have merely accepted the task of subduing onryou, absolutely not for the sake of assisting Kagekatsu in his rule.
Kagetora told him. He was definitely not doing this for 'Kagekatsu's Echigo'.
--I am an onryou through-and-through.
--......
--My task as an exorcist is to allow the onryou to rest in peace.
Naoe appearance changed and he looked at him with a menacing expression.
--Not for the people who prevailed and are still alive.
The waves foamed as they crashed on the rocks, eroding away fragments of stone, enveloping the two of them like a mist.
Naoe was silent.
He had died as a result of a power struggle as well. The sects had fought over the right to be Kagekatsu's official successor, a conflict that was unexpectedly more severe than the Battle of Otate. Naoe had been assassinated but his death had been disguised as an accident.
Although both of them suffered the similar fate of defeat, Naoe was Kagetora's enemy, that circumstance would never change.
Perhaps you have accepted the task of the onryou seibatsu to support Kagekatsu's rule.
But I am not the same.
I will never forget what all of you have done.
Facing Kagetora whom he had personally gotten rid of, the defenses in his heart did not collapse at all. He also knew this was just a superficial master-servant relationship, moreover he was determined to maintain it in this predicament.
Did Kenshin assign the mission of the onryou seibatsu to Kagetora to sublimate his resentment? Let Kagekatsu govern those who are alive, and Kagetora be responsible for suppressing those who died -- could it be that Kenshin had decided this from the very beginning?
Naoe was not certain, but,
It would not be surprising if he wanted to retaliate.
This was why Naoe had accepted this task, should Kagetora intend to retaliate against Kagekatsu he would be able to stop him. It was no exaggeration to say that he was watching Kagetora. It was because of this reason that he became his guardian.
The wind chased the waves.
Standing with his back towards the tall green waves, Kagetora.
The one who pursued and murdered his contingent, the general of the hostile side. [Naoe]
That pair of eyes, they were the same when he was alive. There was no forgetting him from one look at his person.
What sort of color had been reflected off those pair of eyes just moments before his death?
As if he wanted to materialize the hatred that could never be eliminated, Kagetora still had the exact same pair of eyes in this life.
Becoming master and servant, this is...
Just accept it. For the sake of Echigo, for the sake of Kagekatsu.
Just ignore the feelings in his heart. Even if their spirits could never be reconciled, just grit his teeth and endure it.
--Henceforth I shall address you as 'Kagetora-sama'.
A strong wind broke up the great waves.
That day, the seas blustered continuously, like the remaining bellows of the rainstorm.
*
Time fiercely flowed by.
The two of them had become travelers drifting through the torrent of time.
The Uesugi had changed as well. Forced by authority to abandon self-nurture, using blood to protect the earth. From Echigo to Aizu, up to Yonezawa. The world's affairs also changed rapidly. Toyotomi Hideyoshi's death, the Battle of Sekigahara, the Uesugi were like a small boat riding through the huge waves. Finally reaching the famed Tokugawa Ieyasu, the age where the dictator yielded, however the Uesugi clan still valiantly prevailed. The time of peace and security approached as the chaos of war in the world was pushed further and further away.
40 years had passed since the Battle of Otate...
In accordance with Kagekatsu's death, an era had ended.
Kagetora and Naoe, disguising themselves as vagrant travelers, walked in the darkness of the period. During this stretch of time, the organization of the Meikai Uesugi army had been completely integrated. Nagahide, Haruie, Irobe had one by one assembled as members, officially accepting their appointed positions by Kenshin, roaming all over the place in every part of the country, executing their missions in the onryou seibatsu. The matters of Kagekatsu and the others unknowingly grew distant. Even though they heard of it occasionally, the chasm that separated them from the living world was too large after all.
Time fiercely flowed forward.
Hearing the news of Kagekatsu's death, Kagetora and Naoe came to Yonezawa. Even though they were present, they did not intend to express their condolences. After all, there was no reason for a person whom he had make war upon to vindicate authority 40 years ago to show up in this place.
Kagetora and Naoe only observed from a distance, the mourning of Kagekatsu inside the city of Yonezawa.
It was the late blooming season of the sakura flowers.
Kagekatsu's successor was his son, Sakadatsu. The memories of the Battle of Otate, were like a faint, obscure dream.
After the chaos of the war, Kagekatsu had become a man who never smiled, silent and uncommunicative. He had once admired Kagetora as an elder brother. Following the internal strife, some said that Kagekatsu's personality had changed dramatically. He certainly had not met him once.
Owing to Kagekatsu's efforts, the Uesugi persisted. In this place called Yonezawa, this area with no relation to these two people's history, thereupon the Uesugi endured.
And he still... lived.
The distant mountains overlooked the city, the sakura flowers, blown by the wind, fluttered about the surroundings.
Ever since an unnoticed point in time, Naoe always followed Kagetora closely by his side.
--Everyone has left...
The Hojo were destroyed. And now the enemy whom he waged a war with had passed as well. The people who had existed in the same age as him, no matter which one, were all gone. There was no longer any place to return to. As if he had been abandoned.
Henceforth, where was there to go?
--Kagetora-sama...
The season of the sakura flowers in Yonezawa was a beautiful one.
The snowflake-like petals reminded one of the snow in Echigo.
In the mirage of the snow, the people in his memories, one by one had departed.
Then, unknowingly, disappeared.
*
Enduring the fact of abandonment, their solitude grew more and more profound.
Even though their personalities were not compatible, the members of the Yashashu still withstood the passage of time, gradually effectuating feelings of camaraderie. It was not the same comradeship that could be found between fellow countrymen, it was more like the birds freezing in the cold, relying on one another for warmth.
Furthermore, they were struggling with their hands, seeking support very much like they were caught in turbulent currents.
In the transition of eras, it was difficult to see anything that did not change. Sooner or later, people would die. The people they came in contact with, all of them would gradually grow old, then leave this human world. This so-called immortality, really meant being discarded. Other people's deaths... the being's destination, the meaning that everything could be seen.
It also meant enduring loneliness.
Floating away in a river of time. The running waters would engulf anyone who made a single careless move. Continuously bobbing up and down in the torrents as they drifted along, drinking the waters of misery, desperately stretching out their arms as they did not wish to die a violent death by drowning.
Everything they had to rely on were less dependable than a plank of wood.
Drowning comrades entangled in each other, pushing, pressing others into the water in order to get afloat... repeatedly like this, they floated.
The object called Mission was the plank of wood.
This river of time was a long structure that could not perish in any way.
Dashing through the shower of rain, the person running to Kagetora's juusho was Naoe.
A heavy rain poured down the streets of Edo. Because he did not have an umbrella, his black cloak was soaked from his shoulders, the lower part of his socks was in a mess as a result of the splashes of mud. Not paying any attention to his hair bun in disorder, a breathless Naoe entered the room. Kagetora was wearing plain linen clothes, looking out at the hydrangea flowers in the courtyard, braving the glistening rain.
Kagetora seemed to have expected that Naoe would come and was not the least bit surprised.
--Is it true that Haruie has been relieved of his position?
Kagetora watched the corners of the wall moistened by the rain.
--Did you learn of this from Nagahide?
--Irobe mentioned it. He said that you allowed Haruie to withdraw. Is this true? Did you really permit Haruie to leave the Uesugi?
Watching the 'luminescent monk' hanging over the eaves, Kagetora nodded.
--...It is true.
--Did Kenshin-kou grant this?
--It was my own decision.
--Your own... decision...
--I have not informed Kenshin-kou about this matter yet.
Naoe was dumbstruck.
--Why...
Haruie now possessed the body of a woman by the name of Tsuta. Naoe had not seen her after working in Kyoto. Haruie had met with Kagetora ten days ago, to clearly state her resolve. She wished to withdraw from the Uesugi clan, making this her final life as Kakizaki Haruie. Haruie had said. She had been slightly at a loss when uttering those words, but was determined with her decision, beyond doubt she had no intention of backing down from her plans.
Kagetora had been extremely composed.
Haruie had been amazed. She had braced herself, aware that she could face admonishment at any time from the people.
Refusing her request, forcing her to live on, this was something that Kagetora could not do. Five possessions, 200 years by reckoning.
He was aware of their grief and plight, the loneliness and exhaustion of Haruie and the others.
The original objective of 'onryou seibatsu' had more or less been accomplished. Now everyone should live for themselves. Kagetora had felt this way of late, this should be the time. At this point, Kagetora believed he had no right to force them to remain in this world any further.
When Haruie was still alive, during the cross alliance at Etsu, he had been exchanged with Kagetora, becoming a hostage at Odawara, thus he had always been the chief of Kagetora's faction. For this very reason, like the fires of the Battle of Otate, he was the first to be assassinated. But after undergoing possession, he persevered in his tasks, working hard, moreover achieved extraordinary feats. Among the Yashashu, he was perhaps Kagetora's most trustworthy man.
The present Haruie had found her most important person in her life, at that moment Kagetora had decided with his heart to liberate him.
He believed it was enough.
--Kagetora-sama...
Naoe was extremely shocked.
--I say, Naoe,
Watching the rain water drip off the hydrangea flowers, Kagetora said to Naoe.
--Living for the sake of this mission, do you not feel we have reached our utmost limit at this stage?
This was his decision in the 200th year.
People have feelings.
They were not machines, they were not objects whose spare parts could be replaced and continued to be used endlessly. Those who saw the Yashashu understood. The people who used this broken plank of wood, this Mission, to prevent themselves from drowning, knew if they thought about it, that they had exhausted this means of support at this point.
Did that meant disbandment? Naoe asked himself, Kagetora replied in a very calm manner.
--The others as well. If they wish to leave, I will not stop them.
--...
--It does not matter if I am the only member of the Yashashu who remains.
There was the sound of distant thunder. The ground was soaked with the cold rainwater, propagating a cold atmosphere.
Naoe was dumbfounded.
Kagetora turned his line of sight towards him, saying in this way.
--You are no exception...
Listening to the fierce sound of the rain, the two of them faced each other.
Everything that was connected to Naoe's general obligations and duties was no longer in this world. Kagekatsu and Echigo were no longer present. Kenshin's given mission was now an empty shell, there was no binding force left.
If that was the case...
The hydrangea flowers were washed in the heavy rain.
Naoe scoffed at himself in his heart. He vaguely envied Haruie, who was capable of vocally requesting to break away from the Uesugi. From very early on, Naoe had become a man who could not verbalize the word 'leave'. They had harmonized with each other as the 200 years passed by. Being apart was a far more powerful binding spell than this mission.
While he desired freedom, he discovered that he had been locked in chains by an even more potent force. Soon after, Naoe was no longer bound by this mission. But was dominated by a more frightening object.
If he had really wanted a name for himself, then it was decidedly not for his own life, but because he wanted to be tied to Kagetora. Just this one reason.
The water dripping from the canals of the eaves reflected the hydrangea flowers. The raindrops pattered on the moist leaves giving off a green radiance.
His heart had made its decision.
You are still here.
That was the only reason he needed to live.
*
The cape without people, the car tracks that lingered on in life.
Like the fine hair on the skin raising up like a grassland, how far could it extend to?
There was no one in sight. As long as it rained, the car tracks would disappear sooner or later.
There was no way to rescue a person with words. Regardless of the meaning, whatever the excuses, or reasons... once transformed into words, it would manipulate a person's soul. It was only a wild unjustified fancy to believe that salvation could not be achieved without words, much like claiming that a small bird felt uneasy when not locked within its tiny cage.
A small bubble born amidst the violent currents.
Pushed about by the circulation of water, a bubble that was not in any danger of bursting anytime. Or was it a bubble that kept flowing for just a little longer.
Could the short-lived bubble mention its dignity? Why would the bubble handle its own body so rigidly?
A broad bubble born amidst the violent torrents was only to be carried to the rocks by the current.
--I will not let you run away.
The man said as he carried him out from the beech woods which had neither sunlight nor moonlight.
--Nobunaga will definitely kill us. But we didn't live just to be killed by him.
Suppressing his feelings, with a cold emotion in his eyes, the man said.
--I won't let you escape even if I have to use thorns to bind you. I am your guardian. No matter how much hardship we have to endure, we will still fight.
What could bind him were the remaining locks that had long been rusty.
Although the heavens had granted him the ability to pull out the thorns, she did not have much longer to live.
The snow-white, slender fingers that plucked out the thorns which dug into his heart, one by one, plainly like the fingers of the Buddha.
He was like her child. He knew perfectly well that however tender the words it was only a momentary comfort, there was no way to cure the wound. Furthermore, the battlefield would not disappear. Even so, he still wanted to be embraced within that motherly bosom. He obviously knew that this comfort would only continue into depression when morning approached. His deep sin, perhaps she had not seen it, he was not certain. Allowing him to sleep peacefully, caressing his hair.
The words she said were like a lullaby.
--Your desires will be realized one day...
Hammering his fist on the wall, the man cursed the heavens.
Don't snatch him away, don't rob him from me anymore.
He had always pursued him, only him. If he could monopolize him, if he could be approved by him, he wanted him [Kagetora] to be his [Naoe] very own asset more than anyone else. Not wishing for anyone else to touch him. He obviously knew he was coerced by him, but he still did not want to lose him.
--Desires are always realized...
Trust me. She uttered from behind the criminal's back.
The Holy Mother Mary passed.
Using her own body to bear their sins, calmly changing them into stars by herself.
When he pushed her soul out of her body, for a moment, he felt her final wish.
As though she was smiling.
--I will protect both of you from above.
The sinners, within the prison of the body. The unseen thorns that bound the wrist.
Very late at night in the room, their breathing entangled with one another. As though there was a spotlight focused on them, the white bed vaguely appeared in the darkness. At the same time the sweat dispersed outwards, the beast was shaken by the man.
The stimulating pain that felt as though his neck was cracking, the naked body of the beast got caught up in moments of thoughtlessness several times. However the man still did not stop. The clear, penetrating agony presented itself as genuine proof. The continuous pain gradually turned to numbness. Finally, he could not rationalize anything.
Dying... soon...
His throat had become hoarse as a result of his excessive yelling. The feeling of being invaded by something foreign would never disappear. Although being cared for affectionately in the front eased the pain a little, his waist did not feel like it was his own. All of his senses were concentrated on where he was being deeply penetrated. The wall of his flesh could feel the man's temperature, the beast opened its eyes slightly.
"Ah... Ah... Ah!"
It was possible that he would remain in this way once he released, unable to stand again.
The man on his back, called his name nonstop like a dream. Shaking in humiliation, he gritted his teeth to control himself as he was gradually being stimulated. They climaxed in this way. Like a dragon roaring to the heavens.
"Hn... Ah... Ah!"
Takaya restrained himself by planting his face against the bed sheet, his back strained upwards towards the air.
"!"
A shout escaped Takaya's mouth with the final thrust. At the same time, Naoe forcefully elevated his jaw.
Spurting into the beloved body, with desire.
Falling like the smoke and fire transformed into fine dust.
Takaya's exhausted body laid paralyzed on the bed sheet. He buried his face in the white cloth, feeling an unknown object pull out of him. Naoe rested on his body.
I love you -- repeating the words a million times.
Takaya used his back to sense the temperature of his skin and the weight of his body.
Your weight...
This weight was Naoe. This was his everything. The person called Naoe, his everything.
The sheets were wet with tears.
"You are my person..."
Naoe mentioned this with a warm tone of voice. As if he wanted to pour all of his feelings into Takaya's ear.
"You are now my own..."
No matter where you go, no matter what happens after...
I only want you to live.
Naoe held Takaya, who was lying face down, and turned him over to let him rest on his back.
Takaya looked up at him with an indeterminate expression. Ougi Takaya... the straight bridge of the nose, the supple lips, the assertive eyebrows, the slender eyes, every small expression of his would cause one to become anxious. Always bearing a darkness, at times causing one to feel that he was beautiful to the point of sorrow.
"I won't let you leave."
To satiate his [Takaya] heart with his [Naoe] desires. He lightly pressed his lips onto his, as though afraid that he might ruin him.
"... I won't let you be sorrowful anymore."
Takaya trembled a little when his lips were touched. That softly struggling appearance resembled a young cub. His heart began to overflow with passion, Naoe was once again urged by the impulse to make love.
"Don't... look..."
Did he want to hide his expression of suppressing his feelings of shame? Takaya desperately turned his face away.
"Let me see, everything."
"No...!"
Takaya was shocked, as Naoe had reached for his bandaged left eye and started to undo the wrapping.
"Stop! What are you do- "
"I want to see your left eye."
He had already seen all of Takaya. One place was left. The concealed left eye. The eye in which his life force resided. Naoe forcefully untied the bandage, Takaya tried to resist but in vain.
"No... not this one!"
"It's okay."
"You will die..!"
Although he wanted to stop him, he had no way of moving as he was being pressed down by his [Naoe] body. Struggling with their hands, pushing and pulling, the bandage was undone and Takaya's left eye was finally revealed. However he promptly shut his eyes with all his strength, he was definitely not going to look at Naoe. His left eye was a 'poisonous' eye. If he stared directly at Naoe, he could very likely kill him.
"Look at me."
It's alright. Naoe implored.
"Let me see your eyes. Please... open them."
Takaya shook his head desperately. He would not open this pair of eyes, not even if his life depended on it.
"Look at me with your own eyes."
With Takaya being stubborn, Naoe once again inserted his hand in between his legs. Takaya, finding it difficult to endure, clenched his teeth. Part of the pleasure struck down Takaya's refusal. He could not fall to the enemy, he fought to keep his eyes shut. Naoe forcefully moved over him, drawing his legs apart. He could no longer endure it.
"Ah... Ah...!"
His eyes slowly opened. The eye appeared, like a ruby quivering under the eyelid.
It was moist from tears, dyed red with the deadly poison... a beautiful, nefarious eye.
This is...
Naoe was reflected in Takaya's eyes. Despite being struck by poison from the direct line of sight, Naoe clenched his teeth and tolerated. Even though he felt the pain of being ferociously invaded by the poison, he did not make any sound that indicated he was restraining himself, nor did he close his eyes.
Slowly, his wrinkled brow relaxed, and Naoe steadily and directly welcomed Takaya's pair of eyes.
There was an uneasy flicker in Takaya's eyes. Naoe received his gaze, unflinching.
Even though he [Takaya] was contaminated by Kihachi's onnen, his eyes were still as bright as before. Like the sharp radiance from a knife's edge, not only did it not disappear, it was now intensified.
There was a constriction within Naoe's chest.
I love you...
It did not matter if he had to sacrifice everything in this world. Naoe had never seen an object like this before, which provoked his affection.
The pupils of these eyes, had the power that came from having combined with evil. His radiance could assimilate with the darkness and change into something deeper, something more beautiful. This sort of object truly signified the so-called evil eye.
Perhaps he [Naoe] really wanted to be killed by him.
But,
"I... will not die..."
Takaya faced Naoe wordlessly.
Tears began to fall from Naoe's eyes again.
Look... smiling as he said.
"I won't die..."
"Naoe..."
Looking at Takaya's eyes, Naoe quietly undid the buttons of his shirt.
He stripped off his shirt, revealing his chest.
Then moved forward in a sudden motion, causing Takaya to gasp.
With the broad torso exposed, he saw a deplorable scar in the center of his left chest.
The scar from the gunshot wound. It was definitely not something pleasant to the eyes. He probably did not want him to see this scar hence had not removed his clothes before this. The skin was dreadfully sunken in like melted plastic. Similar to a ruined Greek statue, a tragic scar that caused one to wish he could close his eyes.
However Takaya did not alter his line of vision. Using his absolute strength, he stared at that scar.
As if the mark was branded within his eyes.
"This is me..."
Naoe calmly told him.
"Not in the least bit concealed... your proof."
Takaya quivered, his face turned a sickly green, but he still forced himself to look.
It pained his heart to see Takaya in this way -- compelling the urge to shower more tenderness. Naoe discharged all of his yearning, holding Takaya close to his chest. With his ears pressed against his body, Takaya heard. Below the scar, his heart was truly there, beating strongly.
Your heartbeat...
Takaya closed his eyes. -- This was not an illusion. This was certainly not an illusion.
Stretching his arms around the back of his neck, he embraced Naoe earnestly.
He is mine...
Tears flowed out as he hugged him.
This man is mine.
He did not want to leave him.
He wanted to have him even more. He wanted to squeeze out even more, until the last drop... Let his everything enter him until not one drop remained. He did not wish to miss out anything of this person. He wanted to change everything of this person into his sole and only possession. The absorbing lust was overflowing and could not be contained. He wanted to maintain this urge forever.
Wanting to monopolize this man.
He did not want anyone else to break into his heart, not wishing for him to call anybody else's name. Taking a photograph of this moment, even if he looked at other people...
Going crazy...
The madness from this consuming desire.
Was it this very desire that nested in the nucleus of his heart, when the envelope of the soul was peeled away? All reason and prudence had been disposed of. There was only this man, he wanted him to bury inside his [Takaya] body. If only this man could become his possession. His personal belonging.
God...
A fierce desire turned into an endless prayer.
If not for this man, I cannot continue to live.
If there was a punishment for not loving oneself, even if I descended to hell, I do not mind.
It does not matter.
Only please do not take this man away from me again.
"I will kneel if necessary..."
Takaya said to the heavens.
"Because he is my... life."
A tender breath could be felt from the distant skies.
Can you see? Mary.
In this prison, both of us now, becoming one body.
We hope you can see us, Mary...
Because we will never lie again...
Spreading his legs himself, receiving Naoe's body.
Living for 400 years, this was the first time. It was inconceivable in all honesty.
After passing 150,000 nights,
At the end of the 150,000th dawn...
We hope you can see us, Mary...
Henceforth, we will never lie again.
Never be untruthful.
Your smile can be seen in the darkness...
Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.
Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 鲛尾城 Samegao castle; 俸禄 bouroku (retainer's stipend); 夜叉 Yasha; 武士 bushi (warrior/samurai); 落魄 rakuhaku (being reduced to poverty / living in poverty / coming down in the world); 春日山城 Kasugayama jo (Kasugayama Castle - primary fortress of Uesugi Kenshin); 怨靈/怨灵 onryou (vengeful spirit); 征伐 seibatsu (conquest / subjugation / overcoming); 會津/会津 Aizu ; 米澤/米泽 Yonezawa (the capital of the distinguished Uesugi family's fief since the 17th century, in the south of Yamagata Prefecture); 豐臣秀吉/丰臣秀吉 Toyotomi Hideyoshi; 關原之戰/关原之战 Battle of Sekigahara; 德川家康 Tokugawa Ieyasu ; 定勝/定胜 Sakadatsu; 住所 juusho (domicile (permanent residence) / address); 江戶/江户 Edo; 阿蔦/阿茑 Tsuta; 京都 Kyoto; 小田原 Odawara
PS: do not distribute without my permission
That day, the waves rolled turbulently in the sea.
Even though the rainstorm had stopped at midnight, by daybreak the sea waves still billowed.
As the waves of the Northern Sea rose, they appeared an indescribable shade of green.
The seaside did not carry a whiff of humans, only the repeated echoes from the crashing waves.
In front of a fisherman's lodge, young men appeared, their footsteps soundless as they stepped on the sand. They did not seem to be fishermen, but like rakuhaku samurai from somewhere. They did not know the other's name, nor did they recognize the other's face. Although both of them had completed their primary task, this was the first time they truly met face to face.
The two men stood by the seaside facing each other as dawn broke.
--Kenshin-kou has appointed me as your guardian.
That man, calmly announced his full name.
--I am Naoe Nobutsuna.
The sea behind his back bellowed as if it were the remnants of the rainstorm. Gazing at him, a cold fear crept into Kagetora's mind.
The one from Kagekatsu's faction, who had forced him down the path of death.
The possession of bodies was really a wonderful matter. A clearly defined, angular face, tanned skin... He could not find any features of Naoe Nobutsuna's former appearance, when he was alive. Although they had met a few times at Kasugayama Castle, they had never really conversed as far as they could remember.
He had the impression that he was a cold man. He could not read his thoughts at all. If he had not mentioned it, he really would not have expected that he was an accomplice.
The other should probably feel the same. No matter what the current personage, there was no way he could associate with 'Uesugi Kagetora'.
However the external appearance changed, Kagetora was still Kagetora.
What sort of expression should he wear, standing in front of the man who had killed him?
Kagetora thought, as he looked at him. There was no smile on Naoe's face, however he did not appear to be afraid of Kagetora. No diffidence could be seen, nor could he detect any posturing to hid his hesitancy. This man, it couldn't be that he did not have any normal human emotions?
Such arrogance.
Five years had passed since the Battle of Otate. Even though Kagekatsu now ruled Echigo, civil strife still sprung up endlessly in various regions, the political situation was clearly unstable.
With the internal disorder inevitably ending in a river of blood, disturbances caused by onryou cropped up again. The roaring cries of the onryou, full of onnen, threatened the livelihood of the people.
"The head of the onryou is Uesugi Kagetora, who died at Samegao Castle."
Unintentionally, the people of Echigo began to believe this. It was said that the onryou who belonged to Kagetora's faction, roamed the surrounding damaged areas of Otate, specifically killing people who were related to Kagekatsu.
Everyone feared Kagetora's onryou.
--Are you not afraid?
This was the very first sentence Kagetora uttered to Naoe.
--The leader of your hateful enemy is still here.
--...
--The soul who perished at Samegao Castle is standing right before your eyes.
--I need not be afraid.
Naoe answered.
--Because from now on, Kagetora-kou is my lord.
He could not detect any feelings of loyalty in his words.
Kagetora scoffed in his heart. -- A man who could not speak the truth. In his heart he had not the slightest intention to render obedience. He thought he was quite pitiful. What sort of retribution was this, that after death he would unexpectedly be posted as a retainer to the leader of his enemy whom he had killed when still alive? --But there was no need to feel pity for him.
This person was probably here to watch Kagetora, despite outwardly declaring that he was his guardian. Thinking it necessary to be vigilant to protect Kagekatsu and Echigo from Kagetora's grasp. His stare attested to it, being full of wariness, not once looking away from Kagetora's body.
--Can you really accept me as your master?
His back supported the shattering sound of the great waves, Kagetora calmly asked.
--No bouroku, and no rewards, no reciprocation. Can you still acknowledge me as your master?
--Yes.
However, Naoe continued.
--As long as it is Kenshin's order.
So you have pledged loyalty and devotion to Father?
The vicious roar of the large waves surrounded the seaside.
Bearing the violently strong sea wind.
He did not intend to close the distance, existing previously, with this man. There was not the slightest intention in his heart to forgive him.
Even if they could not get along, their duties could still be carried out smoothly. The other must definitely be thinking of the same.
--I have merely accepted the task of subduing onryou, absolutely not for the sake of assisting Kagekatsu in his rule.
Kagetora told him. He was definitely not doing this for 'Kagekatsu's Echigo'.
--I am an onryou through-and-through.
--......
--My task as an exorcist is to allow the onryou to rest in peace.
Naoe appearance changed and he looked at him with a menacing expression.
--Not for the people who prevailed and are still alive.
The waves foamed as they crashed on the rocks, eroding away fragments of stone, enveloping the two of them like a mist.
Naoe was silent.
He had died as a result of a power struggle as well. The sects had fought over the right to be Kagekatsu's official successor, a conflict that was unexpectedly more severe than the Battle of Otate. Naoe had been assassinated but his death had been disguised as an accident.
Although both of them suffered the similar fate of defeat, Naoe was Kagetora's enemy, that circumstance would never change.
Perhaps you have accepted the task of the onryou seibatsu to support Kagekatsu's rule.
But I am not the same.
I will never forget what all of you have done.
Facing Kagetora whom he had personally gotten rid of, the defenses in his heart did not collapse at all. He also knew this was just a superficial master-servant relationship, moreover he was determined to maintain it in this predicament.
Did Kenshin assign the mission of the onryou seibatsu to Kagetora to sublimate his resentment? Let Kagekatsu govern those who are alive, and Kagetora be responsible for suppressing those who died -- could it be that Kenshin had decided this from the very beginning?
Naoe was not certain, but,
It would not be surprising if he wanted to retaliate.
This was why Naoe had accepted this task, should Kagetora intend to retaliate against Kagekatsu he would be able to stop him. It was no exaggeration to say that he was watching Kagetora. It was because of this reason that he became his guardian.
The wind chased the waves.
Standing with his back towards the tall green waves, Kagetora.
The one who pursued and murdered his contingent, the general of the hostile side. [Naoe]
That pair of eyes, they were the same when he was alive. There was no forgetting him from one look at his person.
What sort of color had been reflected off those pair of eyes just moments before his death?
As if he wanted to materialize the hatred that could never be eliminated, Kagetora still had the exact same pair of eyes in this life.
Becoming master and servant, this is...
Just accept it. For the sake of Echigo, for the sake of Kagekatsu.
Just ignore the feelings in his heart. Even if their spirits could never be reconciled, just grit his teeth and endure it.
--Henceforth I shall address you as 'Kagetora-sama'.
A strong wind broke up the great waves.
That day, the seas blustered continuously, like the remaining bellows of the rainstorm.
*
Time fiercely flowed by.
The two of them had become travelers drifting through the torrent of time.
The Uesugi had changed as well. Forced by authority to abandon self-nurture, using blood to protect the earth. From Echigo to Aizu, up to Yonezawa. The world's affairs also changed rapidly. Toyotomi Hideyoshi's death, the Battle of Sekigahara, the Uesugi were like a small boat riding through the huge waves. Finally reaching the famed Tokugawa Ieyasu, the age where the dictator yielded, however the Uesugi clan still valiantly prevailed. The time of peace and security approached as the chaos of war in the world was pushed further and further away.
40 years had passed since the Battle of Otate...
In accordance with Kagekatsu's death, an era had ended.
Kagetora and Naoe, disguising themselves as vagrant travelers, walked in the darkness of the period. During this stretch of time, the organization of the Meikai Uesugi army had been completely integrated. Nagahide, Haruie, Irobe had one by one assembled as members, officially accepting their appointed positions by Kenshin, roaming all over the place in every part of the country, executing their missions in the onryou seibatsu. The matters of Kagekatsu and the others unknowingly grew distant. Even though they heard of it occasionally, the chasm that separated them from the living world was too large after all.
Time fiercely flowed forward.
Hearing the news of Kagekatsu's death, Kagetora and Naoe came to Yonezawa. Even though they were present, they did not intend to express their condolences. After all, there was no reason for a person whom he had make war upon to vindicate authority 40 years ago to show up in this place.
Kagetora and Naoe only observed from a distance, the mourning of Kagekatsu inside the city of Yonezawa.
It was the late blooming season of the sakura flowers.
Kagekatsu's successor was his son, Sakadatsu. The memories of the Battle of Otate, were like a faint, obscure dream.
After the chaos of the war, Kagekatsu had become a man who never smiled, silent and uncommunicative. He had once admired Kagetora as an elder brother. Following the internal strife, some said that Kagekatsu's personality had changed dramatically. He certainly had not met him once.
Owing to Kagekatsu's efforts, the Uesugi persisted. In this place called Yonezawa, this area with no relation to these two people's history, thereupon the Uesugi endured.
And he still... lived.
The distant mountains overlooked the city, the sakura flowers, blown by the wind, fluttered about the surroundings.
Ever since an unnoticed point in time, Naoe always followed Kagetora closely by his side.
--Everyone has left...
The Hojo were destroyed. And now the enemy whom he waged a war with had passed as well. The people who had existed in the same age as him, no matter which one, were all gone. There was no longer any place to return to. As if he had been abandoned.
Henceforth, where was there to go?
--Kagetora-sama...
The season of the sakura flowers in Yonezawa was a beautiful one.
The snowflake-like petals reminded one of the snow in Echigo.
In the mirage of the snow, the people in his memories, one by one had departed.
Then, unknowingly, disappeared.
*
Enduring the fact of abandonment, their solitude grew more and more profound.
Even though their personalities were not compatible, the members of the Yashashu still withstood the passage of time, gradually effectuating feelings of camaraderie. It was not the same comradeship that could be found between fellow countrymen, it was more like the birds freezing in the cold, relying on one another for warmth.
Furthermore, they were struggling with their hands, seeking support very much like they were caught in turbulent currents.
In the transition of eras, it was difficult to see anything that did not change. Sooner or later, people would die. The people they came in contact with, all of them would gradually grow old, then leave this human world. This so-called immortality, really meant being discarded. Other people's deaths... the being's destination, the meaning that everything could be seen.
It also meant enduring loneliness.
Floating away in a river of time. The running waters would engulf anyone who made a single careless move. Continuously bobbing up and down in the torrents as they drifted along, drinking the waters of misery, desperately stretching out their arms as they did not wish to die a violent death by drowning.
Everything they had to rely on were less dependable than a plank of wood.
Drowning comrades entangled in each other, pushing, pressing others into the water in order to get afloat... repeatedly like this, they floated.
The object called Mission was the plank of wood.
This river of time was a long structure that could not perish in any way.
Dashing through the shower of rain, the person running to Kagetora's juusho was Naoe.
A heavy rain poured down the streets of Edo. Because he did not have an umbrella, his black cloak was soaked from his shoulders, the lower part of his socks was in a mess as a result of the splashes of mud. Not paying any attention to his hair bun in disorder, a breathless Naoe entered the room. Kagetora was wearing plain linen clothes, looking out at the hydrangea flowers in the courtyard, braving the glistening rain.
Kagetora seemed to have expected that Naoe would come and was not the least bit surprised.
--Is it true that Haruie has been relieved of his position?
Kagetora watched the corners of the wall moistened by the rain.
--Did you learn of this from Nagahide?
--Irobe mentioned it. He said that you allowed Haruie to withdraw. Is this true? Did you really permit Haruie to leave the Uesugi?
Watching the 'luminescent monk' hanging over the eaves, Kagetora nodded.
--...It is true.
--Did Kenshin-kou grant this?
--It was my own decision.
--Your own... decision...
--I have not informed Kenshin-kou about this matter yet.
Naoe was dumbstruck.
--Why...
Haruie now possessed the body of a woman by the name of Tsuta. Naoe had not seen her after working in Kyoto. Haruie had met with Kagetora ten days ago, to clearly state her resolve. She wished to withdraw from the Uesugi clan, making this her final life as Kakizaki Haruie. Haruie had said. She had been slightly at a loss when uttering those words, but was determined with her decision, beyond doubt she had no intention of backing down from her plans.
Kagetora had been extremely composed.
Haruie had been amazed. She had braced herself, aware that she could face admonishment at any time from the people.
Refusing her request, forcing her to live on, this was something that Kagetora could not do. Five possessions, 200 years by reckoning.
He was aware of their grief and plight, the loneliness and exhaustion of Haruie and the others.
The original objective of 'onryou seibatsu' had more or less been accomplished. Now everyone should live for themselves. Kagetora had felt this way of late, this should be the time. At this point, Kagetora believed he had no right to force them to remain in this world any further.
When Haruie was still alive, during the cross alliance at Etsu, he had been exchanged with Kagetora, becoming a hostage at Odawara, thus he had always been the chief of Kagetora's faction. For this very reason, like the fires of the Battle of Otate, he was the first to be assassinated. But after undergoing possession, he persevered in his tasks, working hard, moreover achieved extraordinary feats. Among the Yashashu, he was perhaps Kagetora's most trustworthy man.
The present Haruie had found her most important person in her life, at that moment Kagetora had decided with his heart to liberate him.
He believed it was enough.
--Kagetora-sama...
Naoe was extremely shocked.
--I say, Naoe,
Watching the rain water drip off the hydrangea flowers, Kagetora said to Naoe.
--Living for the sake of this mission, do you not feel we have reached our utmost limit at this stage?
This was his decision in the 200th year.
People have feelings.
They were not machines, they were not objects whose spare parts could be replaced and continued to be used endlessly. Those who saw the Yashashu understood. The people who used this broken plank of wood, this Mission, to prevent themselves from drowning, knew if they thought about it, that they had exhausted this means of support at this point.
Did that meant disbandment? Naoe asked himself, Kagetora replied in a very calm manner.
--The others as well. If they wish to leave, I will not stop them.
--...
--It does not matter if I am the only member of the Yashashu who remains.
There was the sound of distant thunder. The ground was soaked with the cold rainwater, propagating a cold atmosphere.
Naoe was dumbfounded.
Kagetora turned his line of sight towards him, saying in this way.
--You are no exception...
Listening to the fierce sound of the rain, the two of them faced each other.
Everything that was connected to Naoe's general obligations and duties was no longer in this world. Kagekatsu and Echigo were no longer present. Kenshin's given mission was now an empty shell, there was no binding force left.
If that was the case...
The hydrangea flowers were washed in the heavy rain.
Naoe scoffed at himself in his heart. He vaguely envied Haruie, who was capable of vocally requesting to break away from the Uesugi. From very early on, Naoe had become a man who could not verbalize the word 'leave'. They had harmonized with each other as the 200 years passed by. Being apart was a far more powerful binding spell than this mission.
While he desired freedom, he discovered that he had been locked in chains by an even more potent force. Soon after, Naoe was no longer bound by this mission. But was dominated by a more frightening object.
If he had really wanted a name for himself, then it was decidedly not for his own life, but because he wanted to be tied to Kagetora. Just this one reason.
The water dripping from the canals of the eaves reflected the hydrangea flowers. The raindrops pattered on the moist leaves giving off a green radiance.
His heart had made its decision.
You are still here.
That was the only reason he needed to live.
*
The cape without people, the car tracks that lingered on in life.
Like the fine hair on the skin raising up like a grassland, how far could it extend to?
There was no one in sight. As long as it rained, the car tracks would disappear sooner or later.
There was no way to rescue a person with words. Regardless of the meaning, whatever the excuses, or reasons... once transformed into words, it would manipulate a person's soul. It was only a wild unjustified fancy to believe that salvation could not be achieved without words, much like claiming that a small bird felt uneasy when not locked within its tiny cage.
A small bubble born amidst the violent currents.
Pushed about by the circulation of water, a bubble that was not in any danger of bursting anytime. Or was it a bubble that kept flowing for just a little longer.
Could the short-lived bubble mention its dignity? Why would the bubble handle its own body so rigidly?
A broad bubble born amidst the violent torrents was only to be carried to the rocks by the current.
--I will not let you run away.
The man said as he carried him out from the beech woods which had neither sunlight nor moonlight.
--Nobunaga will definitely kill us. But we didn't live just to be killed by him.
Suppressing his feelings, with a cold emotion in his eyes, the man said.
--I won't let you escape even if I have to use thorns to bind you. I am your guardian. No matter how much hardship we have to endure, we will still fight.
What could bind him were the remaining locks that had long been rusty.
Although the heavens had granted him the ability to pull out the thorns, she did not have much longer to live.
The snow-white, slender fingers that plucked out the thorns which dug into his heart, one by one, plainly like the fingers of the Buddha.
He was like her child. He knew perfectly well that however tender the words it was only a momentary comfort, there was no way to cure the wound. Furthermore, the battlefield would not disappear. Even so, he still wanted to be embraced within that motherly bosom. He obviously knew that this comfort would only continue into depression when morning approached. His deep sin, perhaps she had not seen it, he was not certain. Allowing him to sleep peacefully, caressing his hair.
The words she said were like a lullaby.
--Your desires will be realized one day...
Hammering his fist on the wall, the man cursed the heavens.
Don't snatch him away, don't rob him from me anymore.
He had always pursued him, only him. If he could monopolize him, if he could be approved by him, he wanted him [Kagetora] to be his [Naoe] very own asset more than anyone else. Not wishing for anyone else to touch him. He obviously knew he was coerced by him, but he still did not want to lose him.
--Desires are always realized...
Trust me. She uttered from behind the criminal's back.
The Holy Mother Mary passed.
Using her own body to bear their sins, calmly changing them into stars by herself.
When he pushed her soul out of her body, for a moment, he felt her final wish.
As though she was smiling.
--I will protect both of you from above.
The sinners, within the prison of the body. The unseen thorns that bound the wrist.
Very late at night in the room, their breathing entangled with one another. As though there was a spotlight focused on them, the white bed vaguely appeared in the darkness. At the same time the sweat dispersed outwards, the beast was shaken by the man.
The stimulating pain that felt as though his neck was cracking, the naked body of the beast got caught up in moments of thoughtlessness several times. However the man still did not stop. The clear, penetrating agony presented itself as genuine proof. The continuous pain gradually turned to numbness. Finally, he could not rationalize anything.
Dying... soon...
His throat had become hoarse as a result of his excessive yelling. The feeling of being invaded by something foreign would never disappear. Although being cared for affectionately in the front eased the pain a little, his waist did not feel like it was his own. All of his senses were concentrated on where he was being deeply penetrated. The wall of his flesh could feel the man's temperature, the beast opened its eyes slightly.
"Ah... Ah... Ah!"
It was possible that he would remain in this way once he released, unable to stand again.
The man on his back, called his name nonstop like a dream. Shaking in humiliation, he gritted his teeth to control himself as he was gradually being stimulated. They climaxed in this way. Like a dragon roaring to the heavens.
"Hn... Ah... Ah!"
Takaya restrained himself by planting his face against the bed sheet, his back strained upwards towards the air.
"!"
A shout escaped Takaya's mouth with the final thrust. At the same time, Naoe forcefully elevated his jaw.
Spurting into the beloved body, with desire.
Falling like the smoke and fire transformed into fine dust.
Takaya's exhausted body laid paralyzed on the bed sheet. He buried his face in the white cloth, feeling an unknown object pull out of him. Naoe rested on his body.
I love you -- repeating the words a million times.
Takaya used his back to sense the temperature of his skin and the weight of his body.
Your weight...
This weight was Naoe. This was his everything. The person called Naoe, his everything.
The sheets were wet with tears.
"You are my person..."
Naoe mentioned this with a warm tone of voice. As if he wanted to pour all of his feelings into Takaya's ear.
"You are now my own..."
No matter where you go, no matter what happens after...
I only want you to live.
Naoe held Takaya, who was lying face down, and turned him over to let him rest on his back.
Takaya looked up at him with an indeterminate expression. Ougi Takaya... the straight bridge of the nose, the supple lips, the assertive eyebrows, the slender eyes, every small expression of his would cause one to become anxious. Always bearing a darkness, at times causing one to feel that he was beautiful to the point of sorrow.
"I won't let you leave."
To satiate his [Takaya] heart with his [Naoe] desires. He lightly pressed his lips onto his, as though afraid that he might ruin him.
"... I won't let you be sorrowful anymore."
Takaya trembled a little when his lips were touched. That softly struggling appearance resembled a young cub. His heart began to overflow with passion, Naoe was once again urged by the impulse to make love.
"Don't... look..."
Did he want to hide his expression of suppressing his feelings of shame? Takaya desperately turned his face away.
"Let me see, everything."
"No...!"
Takaya was shocked, as Naoe had reached for his bandaged left eye and started to undo the wrapping.
"Stop! What are you do- "
"I want to see your left eye."
He had already seen all of Takaya. One place was left. The concealed left eye. The eye in which his life force resided. Naoe forcefully untied the bandage, Takaya tried to resist but in vain.
"No... not this one!"
"It's okay."
"You will die..!"
Although he wanted to stop him, he had no way of moving as he was being pressed down by his [Naoe] body. Struggling with their hands, pushing and pulling, the bandage was undone and Takaya's left eye was finally revealed. However he promptly shut his eyes with all his strength, he was definitely not going to look at Naoe. His left eye was a 'poisonous' eye. If he stared directly at Naoe, he could very likely kill him.
"Look at me."
It's alright. Naoe implored.
"Let me see your eyes. Please... open them."
Takaya shook his head desperately. He would not open this pair of eyes, not even if his life depended on it.
"Look at me with your own eyes."
With Takaya being stubborn, Naoe once again inserted his hand in between his legs. Takaya, finding it difficult to endure, clenched his teeth. Part of the pleasure struck down Takaya's refusal. He could not fall to the enemy, he fought to keep his eyes shut. Naoe forcefully moved over him, drawing his legs apart. He could no longer endure it.
"Ah... Ah...!"
His eyes slowly opened. The eye appeared, like a ruby quivering under the eyelid.
It was moist from tears, dyed red with the deadly poison... a beautiful, nefarious eye.
This is...
Naoe was reflected in Takaya's eyes. Despite being struck by poison from the direct line of sight, Naoe clenched his teeth and tolerated. Even though he felt the pain of being ferociously invaded by the poison, he did not make any sound that indicated he was restraining himself, nor did he close his eyes.
Slowly, his wrinkled brow relaxed, and Naoe steadily and directly welcomed Takaya's pair of eyes.
There was an uneasy flicker in Takaya's eyes. Naoe received his gaze, unflinching.
Even though he [Takaya] was contaminated by Kihachi's onnen, his eyes were still as bright as before. Like the sharp radiance from a knife's edge, not only did it not disappear, it was now intensified.
There was a constriction within Naoe's chest.
I love you...
It did not matter if he had to sacrifice everything in this world. Naoe had never seen an object like this before, which provoked his affection.
The pupils of these eyes, had the power that came from having combined with evil. His radiance could assimilate with the darkness and change into something deeper, something more beautiful. This sort of object truly signified the so-called evil eye.
Perhaps he [Naoe] really wanted to be killed by him.
But,
"I... will not die..."
Takaya faced Naoe wordlessly.
Tears began to fall from Naoe's eyes again.
Look... smiling as he said.
"I won't die..."
"Naoe..."
Looking at Takaya's eyes, Naoe quietly undid the buttons of his shirt.
He stripped off his shirt, revealing his chest.
Then moved forward in a sudden motion, causing Takaya to gasp.
With the broad torso exposed, he saw a deplorable scar in the center of his left chest.
The scar from the gunshot wound. It was definitely not something pleasant to the eyes. He probably did not want him to see this scar hence had not removed his clothes before this. The skin was dreadfully sunken in like melted plastic. Similar to a ruined Greek statue, a tragic scar that caused one to wish he could close his eyes.
However Takaya did not alter his line of vision. Using his absolute strength, he stared at that scar.
As if the mark was branded within his eyes.
"This is me..."
Naoe calmly told him.
"Not in the least bit concealed... your proof."
Takaya quivered, his face turned a sickly green, but he still forced himself to look.
It pained his heart to see Takaya in this way -- compelling the urge to shower more tenderness. Naoe discharged all of his yearning, holding Takaya close to his chest. With his ears pressed against his body, Takaya heard. Below the scar, his heart was truly there, beating strongly.
Your heartbeat...
Takaya closed his eyes. -- This was not an illusion. This was certainly not an illusion.
Stretching his arms around the back of his neck, he embraced Naoe earnestly.
He is mine...
Tears flowed out as he hugged him.
This man is mine.
He did not want to leave him.
He wanted to have him even more. He wanted to squeeze out even more, until the last drop... Let his everything enter him until not one drop remained. He did not wish to miss out anything of this person. He wanted to change everything of this person into his sole and only possession. The absorbing lust was overflowing and could not be contained. He wanted to maintain this urge forever.
Wanting to monopolize this man.
He did not want anyone else to break into his heart, not wishing for him to call anybody else's name. Taking a photograph of this moment, even if he looked at other people...
Going crazy...
The madness from this consuming desire.
Was it this very desire that nested in the nucleus of his heart, when the envelope of the soul was peeled away? All reason and prudence had been disposed of. There was only this man, he wanted him to bury inside his [Takaya] body. If only this man could become his possession. His personal belonging.
God...
A fierce desire turned into an endless prayer.
If not for this man, I cannot continue to live.
If there was a punishment for not loving oneself, even if I descended to hell, I do not mind.
It does not matter.
Only please do not take this man away from me again.
"I will kneel if necessary..."
Takaya said to the heavens.
"Because he is my... life."
A tender breath could be felt from the distant skies.
Can you see? Mary.
In this prison, both of us now, becoming one body.
We hope you can see us, Mary...
Because we will never lie again...
Spreading his legs himself, receiving Naoe's body.
Living for 400 years, this was the first time. It was inconceivable in all honesty.
After passing 150,000 nights,
At the end of the 150,000th dawn...
We hope you can see us, Mary...
Henceforth, we will never lie again.
Never be untruthful.
Your smile can be seen in the darkness...
Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.
