Book 20 Chapter 05 翼は闇にうずくまる

From Chinese translations by 佚.

Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes: 直江实纲 Naoe Sanetsuna; 御馆之乱 Otate no Ran (Battle of Otate); 本部 honbu (division, headquarters); 草千里 Kusasenri; 古城 Kojou; 重臣 juushin (chief vassal)
PS: do not distribute without my permission

---

Deep within the mist, what they did not have, was the human creation of 'dates'.

As a result of not having something to keep track of the days, it came to be realized, that 'dates' were formulated by people just to conveniently record the flow of their lives, thus in a place with no one present, there was no need for this sort of thing. By the repeated sunrises and sunsets, the living creatures grew, and died. Just like that.

As long as they stayed here, they understood. Even though people's lives were dependent on dates, in truth, was this really needed?

The same mundane routine was repeated every day. The first day, then the second. Their hair grew long, as did their fingernails, feeling the time pass by slowly.

In this place concealed by the dense mist, there were no changes in the weather.
No newspapers, no television either, not even a calendar, they had completely lost track of how many days had passed.

The breath of the outside world was completely inaccessible.
As long as they stayed here, there was the illusory feeling that just the two of them were left in this whole world.
Forgetting about the existence of other people.
The integrative relationships between humans were now mere illusions.
Perhaps history was also an illusion.
Maybe only the two of them truly existed.
Maybe just the two of them were left on this earth.

Everyone can most definitely can see illusions.
Now within the embrace of the imaginary savior that must exist somewhere in this world.
Even if he had really been saved, eventually this would reveal itself as another miserable delusion.
This small joy to appease the unrest in his heart, was really just a momentary comfort. Even if the internal spirit was comforted by tenderness during the night, the pain of despair would return in the early morning. There was no other way to cure the heart's weariness, besides optimism.

To want to whole-heartedly satisfy greed, or engage in eternal craving, it would only lead to a further inflation of covetousness. The heart would be similar to a pendulum, with reason and hope strained from oscillating back and forth endlessly.

Until the day it snaps.

If one personally sensed that one could not believe in oneself, what should that person do?
Perhaps, the whole reason why man could not survive in outer space, was not because of the vacuum, but because there was no earth. There was no place for a foothold, no attachment, one could only be perpetually carried by the current.

Now, compared with the distant heavens, there was the greater desire to stand firmly on the unwavering earth.

*

The mist outside grew thicker as it passed.
The short grove from the porch was nearly imperceptible as the dense mist enveloped the area.
That was probably a real mist. It was like a curtain of smoke. The beautiful birch forest was cloaked in a milky white that concealed the plants.
The same was with the birds, even though their chirps could be heard, their forms could not be seen.
Perhaps it was better this way. The moment any small creature approached this place,

They would probably lose their lives.

Sitting at the uppermost section of the bed, Takaya gazed outside the window.
How much time had actually passed since that incident?
The spiritual fog constructed by Naoe seemed to have become disordered in accordance with his own physiology.
How many times had he dozed off, how many times had he fallen asleep? The minutes passed by in dreams and waking such that he could not differentiate between the two, he could not determine for certain how many days had passed since then.
No, perhaps it had been only a few hours.
He felt like he could not find any beginning.

After the situation that day, Takaya had recovered his senses.
Any hint of self-enclosure had disappeared. Acknowledging reality little by little, at long last all the events that had occurred until now were laid before him.
The memory of Hagi city --. Naoe's resurrection, the events at Aso, the matters surrounding his own condition, one by one they sprung up clearly in Takaya's mind. His mind was originally locked in a fragmented mixture of two discrete sets of the puzzle; now with the facts and errors separated, he could distinctly see the truth.

However, as the time passed by, Takaya once again sank into a subdued melancholy.
Eventually, he did not allow Naoe to enter his room.
Perhaps he was thinking over his newly-recovered memories and the events that transpired over the past two years.

Naoe could only observe Takaya from a distance.

The raindrops started to patter on the window pane.
His eyes gazed at the floor of the porch that progressively moistened, then a heavy rain poured down.
The afternoon rain.
In the quiet room, only the sound of the rain could be heard.

Naoe stood outside the half-open door, looking at Takaya inside the room.

"..."

Takaya sat on the bed without moving, hugging his knees.
They had not engaged in any proper discourse.
Takaya had isolated himself from Naoe, saying very little.

Takaya had learned of everything concerning his recovery from Naoe himself. He also knew that what Kousaka had told Takaya previously, that 'Naoe had sold him out' were all fabrications, that all of it was part of a hidden plot, the truth about the mystery had all been unraveled...

Undoubtedly, Naoe's matters, his own situation, all of it had come to him like an enormous assault. When he prepared meals for him he would eat, although he never said anything. Every day passed by in gloom. Although he ate more than before, he seemed weaker at present due to his spirit.

Even now, he was always staring at the wall, never moving, as though he was thinking of something.

He [Naoe] could clearly see the bruise marks on his skin. They were not just any ordinary bruises. The blue-black swellings covered his entire body, a miserable sight, as though he had been violently injured by someone, such that he [Naoe] could not say that they were proof of his love.

Takaya could not bear any small misstep on his [Naoe] part, which would cause Takaya's heart to stop due to his excessive fears. Even though Naoe was sincerely earnest, his course of action had honestly been too harsh. It would only arrest the soul of this person, considering how frightened he was.

Truly heart-breaking.

Having his mind restored should be greeted as good news, was he still sad?

Takaya's spirit was diminishing at a critical rate with each passing day.

He had to take a good look at him as his condition was more precarious than before.

At first, Naoe had decided to wait for Takaya to take notice of him before speaking, but Takaya only remained as he was for a full hour thus he knocked softly on the door. Takaya only heard him after several knocks, slowly turning his head.

Dismal eyes.

"I've brought a change of clothes."

Naoe approached holding a shirt and towel.

"I think you would prefer a shirt over a bathrobe? You can use the bathroom anytime, when you do, please take this towel. I will change the bed sheet when you're bathing."

"...?"

"Your wound... how is it?"

Takaya looked directly at Naoe, before shifting his line of sight to the window. He was silent for awhile, then incoherently said:

".... I told you not to enter my room."

Just an answer was enough for Naoe feel slightly at ease. He hung the clothes on the back of the chair, and smoothened the top of the bed as he spoke.

"It would be good to walk around a little, now that you can stand."

"..."

"A bit of exercise will hasten your recovery. If you need help I can support you, just walking about in the room is sufficient."

"Recovery...?"

Takaya suddenly asked rhetorically, facing downwards, he laughed.

"And what will I do after recovering?"

Naoe's expression turned solemn, pausing in his activity.

"Sooner or later, you're going to kill me anyway, aren't you? All of you have decided to kill me, right?"

"...Takaya-san."

"This matter..."

He could hear his defeat in the bleak tone of his voice. Then a smile appeared on his lips.

"Why did you help me? If you had just left me there, I would have been finished."

"...? Who told you?"

Naoe's words grew stiff.

"Who said I wanted to kill you?"

"...It doesn't matter who said it. As the new general, there is no reason to keep the previous general alive."

"..."

"Let alone a son of the Hojo clan."

Naoe could not say anything.

Takaya smiled again. A smile that combined self-ridicule and derogation.
"Yes. ...Uesugi did not trust me. Not knowing when this Hojo son will eventually betray him, it would be strange if he hadn't ponder over this. If I were him, I would've purified this person very early on."

"Takaya-san..."

"Even though I've lived for 400 years, it seems like there was no way I could ever convey anything to that person?"

Takaya closed his eyes in misery.

"...It was the same 400 years ago."

'That' person Takaya was referring to: Kenshin.

Now he was probably thinking of the events that occurred after Kenshin had passed away.
--His dying wish, allowing Kagekatsu-kou to inherit his position.

March 1578.

Watching over Kenshin by his deathbed, was not just anyone, but Naoe's mother.
His father, Naoe Sanetsuna, had been Kenshin's most devoted juushin before he [Sanetsuna] passed away. To all the other kinsmen who were not familiar with Kenshin, Sanetsuna had sometimes resembled a father, and Kenshin had also been responsible for matchmaking Sanetsuna with his now-widowed wife. Kenshin himself could not have foreseen his own death approaching when he succumbed to this ailment, could he?

His mother, who sat by his pillow caring for him, asked the terminally-ill Kenshin, who he wanted as a successor.

--Would Kagekatsu-kou be suitable?

Kenshin 'very happily' nodded his head.

Naoe was then the leader of Kagekatsu's faction. Kagekatsu subsequently sent 'dying instructions' explaining that 'Kenshin had chosen Kagekatsu', wantonly announcing it in the city, furthermore, taking this opportunity to attack Kagetora's reputation. Kagekatsu's position was conveniently elevated as a result his [Naoe's] mother's timely query. But in actuality, she was the only person who saw Kenshin nod.

Did he really nod?

Naoe himself did not know. After all, his mother had been part of Kagekatsu's camp.

If things had not turned out this way...

"He still... doesn't trust me."

As if he was replying to Naoe's recollection, Takaya laughed in a low voice.

"That person..."

"Takaya-san."

"I didn't seem to have any use, not even after 400 years. Although I strove so hard, still nothing was conveyed."

"It's not like this, Takaya-san."

"When Yami Sengoku began, I should've expected that things would turn out like this. Just like the retainers whom never had any confidence in this Hojo son during the Battle of Otate. Even if we returned to the Sengoku Jidai, that person would still..."

"You're wrong, Takaya-san."

"Where am I mistaken?"

Takaya smiled tiredly.

"I could not even earn a little of his trust despite having lived for 400 years, not even after I exorcised my own family, he still never had any confidence in me."

"You don't understand, Takaya-san."

"I don't understand? So there's another reason? Is it because of my failures?"

Naoe's words were caught in his throat again.

He concealed his pain with silence.
Takaya, watching Naoe swallow his own words, asked in a low voice.

"When Kenshin-kou appointed you as the new general, what did he say?"

Naoe had no way of answering. Takaya smiled again.

"Wasn't it after the events of Hagi city? When you were resurrected, what did he tell you?"

Naoe could not answer. There was no way of explaining Kenshin's sincere intentions regarding Takaya's secret to him.
Naoe could not reveal the true reasons. However Takaya's eyes insisted on an answer. After a brief, grim silence, Naoe changed his manner and told him:

"That is correct..."

With a calculated effort, he disguised his words with a cold tone of voice.
"It's because you're related to the Hojo. To stop Yami Sengoku, Kenshin-kou could no longer let you be the general."

"He... did not trust me..."

"You called for Hojo Ujiyasu's help at Itsukushima, didn't you?"

Takaya trembled, his face turned pale.

"As long as Hojo Ujiyasu is still around, there's the possibility of you returning to the Hojo. Even though they lost Hojo Ujimasa and Ujiteru."

"I exorcised them with my own hands."

"You are the only remaining member of the Hojo clan now, and you did not sever all connections with Ujiyasu."

"That..."

A question that led to matters he had never even thought of, Takaya wavered slightly. During that time, he had felt as though he had been possessed by a nefarious spirit. He had wanted more strength, thus appealed to his father, Ujiyasu, who had taken a form of a dragon, for help.

Unconsciously...

"Kenshin-kou was most worried about your relationship with Ujiyasu."

"But, that..."

"If he had allowed you to become resentful, it would've been a big crisis to Kenshin-kou. Even if he had not removed you, he could not let you continue as the military general."

Takaya closed his mouth. He had no other reply, his eyes only glinted.

"How are you... going to get rid of me?"

"You can no longer go to the outside world."

Kagetora could still make use of other places, preventing them from falling under Ujiyasu's control.

"Until Yami Sengoku has ended, please stay here."

Takaya choked on his saliva. Naoe's expression was ice-cold and firm as iron as he uttered these words. A terrifying seriousness in his tone. This person was truly determined to imprison him here until Yami Sengoku ended.

Takaya stared at Naoe quietly.

"So I'll be caged here for the rest of my lifetime?"

"...Maybe, it seems that way for now."

Takaya was silent. He had no explanation for the issue regarding Ujiyasu.
The complications of blood ties--

He had obviously assumed that his connection with his biological father was superficial. However, Takaya had never paid attention to his surroundings, maybe that was Kenshin's greatest worry. Thinking up to this point, Takaya had nothing left to say.

But...

I was never untruthful.
For me, there are more important things than blood ties.

"It's not a must... to kill me."

"..."

"Did you think you could just imprison me in this man-made spiritual fog?"

"..."

"Isn't it better to kill me now when there's still time, before I escape and make it difficult for you to catch me."

Naoe closed his eyes, lowering his head.

"This sort of life is equivalent to spraying poison on a person, it would be wise to purify it as soon as possible. If you just let things be, the poison would increase to the extent where purification would no longer work. I will go mad staying alone in this place. Do you want me to change into a murderous, evil spirit?"

"You won't be alone."

"..."

"I will be with you."

Takaya glowered at him. Naoe's serious eyes were brimming with resolution.

For a moment, he could not say anything.

"Hn..."

Takaya laughed all of a sudden.

"You want to keep me? Want me to carry on with life like a prostitute? Just in time for you to take advantage of your former master during this period. The man who trampled over you all this while, can now be humiliated as you wish?"

Naoe was silent, deciding not to answer.

"Is this your declaration of victory?"

Naoe knitted his brow distressingly.
Even though Takaya stared at Naoe intently, he [Naoe] hung his eyes tiredly, perhaps his own strength was failing him, as he looked at the floor.

"You can no longer fight in battle anymore."

Naoe told him in an emotionally repressed tone.

"If you continue to fight when your powers are unstable, you would be a danger to even your own team. Particularly since your powers are explosive, the damage would be especially severe."

--You can't control your powers anymore.

Naoe looked up.

Takaya was grinding his teeth in hatred, cursing himself.

"So I've been abandoned?"

"..."

"Of course, you can't bring along this kind of lunatic."

"Takaya-san."

His shoulders trembled. Takaya laughed. He laughed in complete self-derision as though he was insane.

"Now that you mention it... it's true. Changing into a madman when his retainer died, it's really not something an ordinary person would do. Not only that, fooling myself with a completely different person to replace the one who died, and for two years no less."

What a sorry state. He mumbled to himself in a hoarse voice.

He had labored all of his efforts on a mistaken partner. Furthermore, he had very laughably expressed the wrong feelings. Now that his mind was clear, tears of shock welled up in his eyes as he witnessed his own appearance during that time, like watching a clear recording. The extent of his foolishness surprised him, almost as if this was one of his special abilities.

"How can anyone trust this sort of crazy person. There's no way he'll willingly put his trust in me anymore. Even if he didn't throw me away, he should just put me aside and not bother. Everybody knows about this right? That I'm now a worthless object."

"Takaya-san..."

"Of course you should cast away useless tools, especially this sort of frail ones."

Naoe could not stop shaking his head.

"Even when discarded... there's nothing I have to say."

Naoe's expression grew intense, gazing at Takaya. Takaya was silent for a long time, then he painfully lowered his head.

"...Why... did you want to save me..."

"Takaya-san."

"Why... did you do this..."

Takaya could not control himself and stopped talking.
His entire body quivered--

Naoe thought he was crying and wanted to hold his shoulders.

"Don't touch me!"

He forcefully moved Naoe's hands aside, Takaya's eyes were filled with a forceful glaze, as he tried to stop his body from shaking.
His wrath seemed to emanate from nowhere as he balled his fists tightly.
He had no way of directing his anger at Kenshin, and was unable to face Naoe.
The sound of raindrops persisted.
Takaya lowered his head and did not move.

Naoe wore a sincere expression and asked:
"...Do you want to know about Nagahide?"

Takaya did not answer.
Naoe was silent for a while, then spoke in a low voice:

"...about Nagahide, I think... he definitely cannot be saved..."

"..."

"Despite being second to you in terms of power, to fight hand to hand with Nobunaga, the disparity in strength is still too large after all. Even if he managed to inflict harm on Nobunaga by employing his maximum power, there's still no way of defeating the potential level of his opposing power, it is the same as the time when he fought with you."

"Why..."

Takaya uttered, his face buried in darkness.

"Why, did he have to die?"

"..."

"The person who truly deserves to die is still alive, however those who should live are dead."

"Takaya-san."

"Chiaki... that idiot..."

--Do you doubt me?
--Do you want to kill me? Kagetora!
He heard the voice clearly in his ears.
--I'm still here.
Carved before Takaya's eyes, was Chiaki's appearance at Taikan Hou. Shouting with an expression that told him he was going to risk his life. He had not been frightened by this lunatic, unwilling to abandon this man who had harbored foolish doubts in his heart...
--Don't die...

Why didn't I die instead...

"You're no longer... here..."

He groaned, his two hands pressed firmly against his forehead.
The person who deserved death was still here. The person closest to him who died has now returned to life. Why did he have to disappear? The heavens have chosen the wrong life to take away.

These matters are intolerably overwhelming.

Takaya ground his teeth in hatred. --Because of his ignorance he had lost important people. While others sacrificed their lives, his own life was constantly extended. There was really no natural justice.

"It's obviously enough..."

Holding his head, Takaya shook. He was not forcefully attempting to contain his sobs, but the boiling in his abdomen, arising from anger and hatred at himself.

Naoe grew distressed, seeing Takaya in this way.

Nagahide...

After the quarrel at Kusasenri honbu, Ayukawa had learned of Yasuda Nagahide. He had roughly gathered all the details surrounding Nobunaga's actions after arriving in Kumamoto, as well as finding out that the person who had left to chase Nobunaga's men in Aso, had not just been anyone, but Chiaki.

The last person to have communicated with Chiaki, was most likely Takaya.
Naoe closed his eyes.

Nobunaga's 'Hakonha' was a fascinating power that would thoroughly shatter the soul, taking away the ability to possess again, transforming existence to a null state. There would be no reincarnation for certain.

A perished existence...

The last time Naoe saw him was at Kojou high school. He could tell that Chiaki had grown slightly sensitive as a result of possessing this [Chiaki's] body.

For 400 years, they have lived together as comrades. An existence that transcended the bonds of blood kin.

That person should probably recognize me.

Furthermore, when he had not been around for two years, the person who had supported him [Takaya] the most, trudged down the same path beside him, was Nagahide.

Although Naoe grieved, no doubt the person who suffered the greatest blow was Takaya.

Takaya was now composed, his face had calmed.
"Takaya-san..."
There was no answer when he called.
Naoe thought he was crying.
However there were no tears flowing out of his eyes.

Exhausting all of his stamina with this idiocy, he did not have any strength left to sigh. Bringing all of his current operations to a halt, what was it all for? For the past two years, what had he been doing?

Idiot...

After recovering his memories, he saw how appalling the reflection of his 'true' self was. It was not just a simple matter of self-dislike.

Even though he was an 'out-of-sorts Naoe', in his memories, this person was still Naoe. He was more senseless than an insect to have replaced Naoe with Kotarou. Even though it had been his own conjuration, building his own stage, all of the injuries he had received were real. He had been abandoned. He had been alienated. He had been detached. All of his devices had, in actuality, resulted in a sharp blade, splintering the body, making him bleed, with wounds that would never heal again.
The issues of existence would upset Takaya. Once he had been afflicted with this trauma, it would be engraved deep within his soul, never to be removed.

In the end, he had turned into a poisonous being, as long as he lived he was a murderer.

He was too debilitated to laugh anymore.

Why am I still alive?

He could not say anything.

His shameful attitude had been completely exposed. His insanity had been revealed, his anger had been vented, his mad cries, as though he had disgorged all the filth within him. And yet, up to this stage,

I'm still alive.

He grabbed at the strands of hair on his forehead. He could not find a way of enduring this sort of thoughtless and prolonged life. He should have died at Aso. He had no longer wanted a paradise. So he had yearned to return to the darkness. Because of this desire, he had dragged himself forward with each stumbling step, even if he was dizzy or his vision darkened, even if he was out of breath, he continued to fight. His goal was to wear himself down so that he could never be recovered again.

That was called 'redemption'.

"It's your fault... Naoe."

Naoe widened his eyes.

Takaya clutched his forehead, he was in a lot of pain.

Because of you...
Because you...

Naoe's look of astonishment returned to a calm gaze and he said softly.

"....Are you saying, I killed Nagahide?"

"Not only Nagahide."

His fingernails scraped at his face,

"Minako as well."

Naoe's breathing stopped. He felt certain that all the blood had left his face.

But Takaya was not accusing Naoe. His expression of hopelessness was far greater than Naoe's, his two hands pressing against his face.
"We killed them."

"...Takaya-san."

So many -- Really, so many, innocent people.
Implicating them, tormenting them, over and over again. He had trampled over a mountain of their corpses and carried on living--
Takaya's eyes displayed grief as he quietly faced Naoe.

"I don't know how to compensate for their lives."

"Takaya-san."

"..."

Laughing weakly, Takaya inclined his head slightly. Closing both his eyes tightly, tears finally began to flow.
Takaya wept quietly without sobbing.

"Why, are you still alive?"

"..."

"Why, after things have turned out this way, did you allow me to live?"

It was as if a miracle had happened, bringing about this impossible fairytale-like reality.
Naoe watched the transparent tears slide down Takaya's worn-out cheeks.

At that time...

He should have been burnt to death by the flames he had emitted. When he went mad. Otherwise, even if Naoe wanted to save him, he should have been saved by a 'dead Naoe'.

Apart from him, no one else could save him.

They could not even become ashes together.

Why do you still allow this sort of human to live? This sort of useless person who is terribly distrustful and fearful, and mentally fragile.

Takaya cried, saying in a broken voice:

"Why..."

The sound of the raindrops resounded in the room.

Naoe was silent for a long time, then he gently told him:
"Because... I love you."

"..."

"I love you..."

Takaya calmly opened his eyes.
Naoe was not smiling. His words were not uttered out of charity as he gazed at Takaya with grief-stricken eyes.
Takaya wrinkled his brow, closing his eyes.
The sound of raindrops surrounded the two of them like a veil.

It would be self-centered of him to tell him [Takaya] that he did not hope for him to die even though he was suffering. Both Naoe and Takaya understood that.
But he would be lying if he said that he was not self-centered. It was easy for anyone to preach to others that 'suicide is a mistake' when they do not possess a deep understanding of other people's lives.
However, nobody can mention these lofty words before a person who was truly in pain.

--Because I love you...

If these words were heard in normal times, they would definitely seem frivolous.
But now, they were warm.
These heartfelt and soothing words permeated the wound. Feeling this, Takaya bit his lower lip.
He closed his eyes.
"Leave the room."

Naoe's eyes widened.

Takaya appeared to be squeezing out every last drop of his spent energy to speak:

"...Leave the room... Please..."

Naoe gazed at him speechlessly for a while, then slowly bowed and quietly went out.
Takaya did not move.

Naoe looked up at the air shaft as he sensed Takaya's breathing from the back of the door.
The sound of raindrops never ceased.
Coming from the sky, they poured down like iron chess pieces.

*

His head hurt.
Considering a great deal of matters, he was honestly in over his head.
His fatigue increased.
He wanted to lie on his bed for a while, in his own bedroom.
A few weeks ago, he had found it difficult to rest.
However he still could not sleep.
His brain was unwilling to sleep. He had been suffering from insomnia for the past two months.

Before arriving at Aso, Naoe's body could not move at all; however now that he was preoccupied with his anguish over Takaya's spiritual condition, he unwittingly forgot about his weak health. As long as he exploited his soul's energy, it seemed like anything was possible.

On the other hand, if the spirit was weak, the body would be equally frail.

--Until Yami Sengoku came to an end...

You're lying...

That was never the case since early on.
That issue, has never mattered since early on.

Still not feeling sleepy after lying for an hour, Naoe gave up, exhaling as he got up, he sat on his bed, leaning against the wall.

Takaya's spirit was growing weaker by the day.
It would be best if he took advantage of this period when he was still capable of expressing his feelings...
If he continued in this way, his condition would only worsen.
The effect of Kihachi's spell notwithstanding, if this was not handled properly, Kihachi's poison would, with the help of his own negative feelings, easily propagate. When that happens, the first person to crumble would be Takaya himself.

No matter what, he could not delay this until it reached that incurable stage.

But he still could not divulge the truth about his condition yet.

Takaya's condition.
He knew that sooner or later he would have to tell him.
But...

If he told him now, he could not imagine what would happen.

That person would definitely choose death without any hesitation.
He did not want to see Takaya suffer, but, for the sake of making him feel relaxed and allowing him some peace, Naoe could not do that. There was no way he was going to help him commit suicide. It did not matter if he enclosed himself within his heart again, he did not want him to die. No matter what he still hoped that he would live on, despite knowing that he was in great agony.

I can't lose you.

If he exorcised him, they might never see each other again, they might be separated forever.
But if he did not exorcise him,
they would definitely be together for the rest of eternity.

Naoe had difficulty in breathing thus lifted his head towards the air shaft. -- Still not possible.

He still couldn't tell him.

How long did he intend to drag his feet? There was a limit to time. Even though he could not view the outcome, it would soon be too late if he continued to neglect this issue.

But now is not the right time.

--The one who can bring an absolute resolve, was him.

Really? Do you really think this way?
Only one person can make the decision, and didn't Kenshin entrust this to him? Takaya could not do anything about it. For the sake of Kagetora's future, what would be the best course of action to take?

The answer was already there from the very beginning.
What was he still confused about?

I'm only being confused by my own feelings.

Because of my self-centered person?
Is it only -- because of my self-centered person?

Naoe wanted to disperse these thoughts by shaking his head.
Is there really no other way to prevent this? He could not be any less cautious about these irreparable matters. He had to be more prudent with this undertaking than all the choices he has made in the last 400 years.

The so-called caution...

He could not change the future that lay before his eyes.
Naoe shook his head. A wrinkle appeared, creased into his brow, like a scar deeply carved into his skin.

In short, he could not be nervous at this moment, he could not be so nonchalant about it.
In short, now...

All of a sudden he wanted to smoke.

After recovering he had never smoked once because someone had lectured that: It's not good for your health and it will delay your recovery. Of the things that Ayukawa had brought, were whole packets of cigarettes.

Wanting to fetch them, Naoe stood up from his bed.
Just at that moment,
a sound came from the direction of the kitchen, a loud thud of something falling to the ground.

"...!"

Naoe turned his head, dashing from his room like a bullet.

"Takaya-san!"

All sounds were muted.
Takaya was lying beside the kitchen bar.
Scattered on the floor were white pills. A greenish-brown glass bottle rolled from his hand. That was what Ayukawa had brought the last time, Naoe immediately understood what the bottle was.

Sleeping pills...

"Takaya-san! Get a hold of yourself! Takaya-san!"

Even more white pills dropped out of Takaya's hand when he held him up.
The bottle was two-thirds empty.

Suicide...

At that moment, his brain turned blank.
But his body immediately moved into action.
"Takaya-san... get a hold of yourself! Takaya-san! Takaya-san!"

---

Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.