赤の神紋 Drama CD 3 - Jealous Yellow - Track 02 Edge of Cliff

From Chinese translations by Tang.

Draft: Version 1 - final
Notes:
PS: do not distribute this without my permission

Renjou: Komatsu Airport was covered in snow by daybreak, like a stage sprinkled with fine white powder. In order to find Sasaki Youichi I took the first flight the next day to his home state, to the town of Noto.

(gets into taxi)
Renjou: To Tomiki please, as fast as possible.

Renjou: The waves of the winter sea of Japan were surging turbulently. Looking at those waves crash against the rocks, I pondered. Anyhow, my relationship with Kei has ended, regardless of whether he misunderstood me or hated me, it doesn't matter anymore right? Furthermore, at that time, while I was watching Kei and Haibara, I felt something. I'm jealous of Kei, not of Haibara, but of Kei. The one I should have been attached to in the first place is Kei.


(Sasaki's home)
Sasaki's mother: I am Youichi's mother. What on earth happened?!

Renjou: Where is Youichi-san?

Sasaki's mother: He locked himself in his room, it's so rare that he comes home, yet once he returned he didn't say a word, he looked strange.

Renjou: Youichi-kun, may I come in? Youichi-kun! You-

(crash)

Sasaki's mother: (gasps) It came from the storehouse!

(they rush to the storehouse)

Sasaki: Ouch...

Renjou: Rope? Did you want to hang yourself?

Sasaki: Ah!! D-Don't come any closer! If you come near me, I'll use this nail...!

Renjou: Stop with this foolishness!

Sasaki: You tracked me down right! I, I... killed Haibara-san! It's the end!

Renjou: Calm down, Sasaki, throw away that nail! You have no reason to injure yourself!

Sasaki: I'm finished, I killed Haibara-san!!

Renjou: He didn't die, Haibara is in hospital, you didn't kill him!

Sasaki: He didn't die?!

Renjou: Yes, Haibara doesn't blame you for what you did, so return to the dress rehearsal.

Sasaki: You're lying!! He has no reason to forgive me!!

Renjou: Haibara is worried about you, that's why he sent me here!

Sasaki: Who are you?

Renjou: Someone acquainted with Haibara. I didn't tell anyone about this matter, Haibara has said that you're the only one capable of acting out Malcolm!

Sasaki: Impossible! I can't act out Malcolm! Please, just let me go!

Renjou: You still don't understand, do you?! He has high expectations of you, that is why he's so strict with you! He wouldn't say anything to someone whom he feels to be lacking. If he has really abandoned an actor, he will definitely not say anything and just look for a replacement. However he hasn't given up on you and still has hope. Why can't you understand that!!

Sasaki: Ah...

Renjou: Do you wish for Haibara to die? Did you believe that you'd be more at ease if he was dead? There are people who want to be a part of Haibara's stage but can never be able to do it. Yet here you are wanting to kill the person who approves of your worth?!

Sasaki's mother: Please just let him go...

Renjou: It goes without saying that I ought to stab you to death for stabbing Haibara! But I won't do this, because Haibara's wish is for you to stand on the stage. If you're still unwilling to return, I won't stop you, you can go ahead and pierce your neck with that nail!

Sasaki: (cries)

Renjou: Go ahead and stab if you have the guts, you've merely abandoned your own chance, you yourself have abandoned the quality in you that Haibara acknowledges. If you have the guts to discard it then go ahead!

Sasaki: (cries)


(seaside)

Sasaki: This place is called 'Yase no Dangai', the stage for Matsumoto Seichou-san's novel.

Renjou: I know, the last scene of Zero no Shoten.

Sasaki: The first time I stood on the stage, I recalled this place. I find it similar.

Renjou: Oh.

Sasaki: I... That day, when Haibara-san selected me for the role, I was thinking, "No way?!". In order to pay back Haibara-san, I always did my best, but still felt extremely ashamed and very unsatisfied. "He probably wants other people to laugh at me, this man only wants to bully me", I once thought in this way, because I'd been bullied before in secondary school.

Haibara: Forget it! A guy like you who can't comprehend the meaning of bareness, don't think of wearing clothes anymore!

Sasaki: Although that was the last straw, there were actually many other similar instances before that. Haibara-san is a really frightening director. Just three days after the start of the dress rehearsal, very little was left of my self-pride.

Haibara: What have you seen in these 23 years of your life? Your portrayal of Malcolm is like a crude imitation with ludicrous results! Do not utter words that you don't understand yourself, it makes one's stomach churn!! Why don't you just forget it, don't act anymore, return when you've learned a bit of the ways of the world. Your performance leaves one cold.

Sasaki: Why should I let a person I hardly know criticize me to this extent? However, what Haibara-san said was correct, "How does he know?", he had seen through my feelings of inferiority. I was at a loss, in the end I grew less and less confident.

Renjou: Did Haibara say those things on purpose?

Sasaki: Eh?

Renjou: Malcolm is the son of Duncan who was subdued by Macbeth's following. Because he was too young, the military commanders did not have faith in him. I feel that your sense of inferiority is very much like Malcolm.

Sasaki: Huh?!

Renjou: Haibara wanted you to experience Malcolm's feelings of shame, did he ever mention the objective of the performance?

Sasaki: Indeed, he did mention that, he said that Malcolm felt really ashamed of himself because he was aware of his own weakness.

Renjou: Thus Haibara's attack on you is not because you've no experience. In order to allow talented people to concentrate their spirits, I heard that he would increase the tension in the atmosphere of the scene.

Sasaki: So that means Haibara-san really thinks that I... ah, I, what have I done!


Sasaki: Perhaps I was too attached to Haibara-san's opinions, even with other directors I would perform with this childish frame of mind. Compared with thinking of how to grasp the role, I'm more concerned with the director's opinions. I don't have any sense of myself at all.

Renjou: His words, seemed to collide with something in the bottom of my heart, something always vexing my thoughts. He appeared to finally awaken from a nightmare, wearing a determined expression on his face, he said

Sasaki: Tomorrow, I will return to the dress rehearsal.

Original fiction © Kuwabara Mizuna.